Mukati
Sei vamwe vedu vachigara vasina mudiwa? Iyo psychoanalyst inoongorora zvikonzero zvinoshanda pamazera akasiyana uye inoenzanisa maitiro evarume nevakadzi kune chimiro cheakasurukirwa.
1. 20 kusvika kumakore makumi matatu: kusava nehanya
Pazera iri, vasikana nevakomana vanonzwa kusurukirwa nenzira imwe cheteyo. Vanoshamwaridzana nehupenyu hwakazvimirira nekunakidzwa uye kunakidzwa, vakakomberedzwa ne "radiant halo", mumashoko aIlya ane makore makumi maviri nemaviri. Anobvuma kuti: "Pakupera kwevhiki ndinowanzosangana nemusikana mutsva, uye dzimwe nguva vaviri." Ino inguva yekushanya kwerudo, hupenyu hwepabonde hwakapfuma, kunyengedza, uye zvakasiyana siyana zvezviitiko. Pwere dzinorebesa, mutoro unomiswa nekusingaperi.
Patrick Lemoine, psychoanalyst:
“Kuyaruka yagara iri nguva yedzidzo yezvepabonde… kuvarume vechidiki. Asi mumakore 20-25 adarika, vasikana vakapedza chikoro asi vasati vapinda muhupenyu hwehunyanzvi vakawanawo mukana wekusangana pabonde. Vechidiki vachiri "kunakidzwa nerusununguko", asi iyi yaimbove ropafadzo yechirume ikozvino yave kuwanikwa kune vese vakadzi. Iyi inguva inofadza ye "kusurukirwa kwekutanga", apo hupenyu pamwe chete nemumwe wako husati hwatanga, kunyange zvazvo munhu wose atova nehurongwa hwekutanga mhuri uye kuva nevana. Kunyanya pakati pevakadzi vachiri kuda muchinda akanaka seakanaka, kunyangwe achiwedzera hukama hwemahara nemajaya.
2. Pakarepo mushure me30: kumhanya
Pakazosvika makore makumi matatu nemaviri, zvinhu zvose zvinoshanduka. Varume nevakadzi vanonzwa kusurukirwa zvakasiyana. Kune vakadzi, kudikanwa kwekutanga mhuri uye kuita vana kunowedzera kukurumidza. Izvi zvinosimbiswa naKira ane makore 32 okukura: “Ndakanakidzwa noupenyu, ndikazivana nevarume vakawanda, ndakava norudo rwakaguma rwakashata, uye ndakashanda nesimba. Asi ikozvino ndinoda kuenderera kune chimwe chinhu. Ini handidi kupedza manheru ndiri pakombuta mufurati isina chinhu ndine makore 40. Ndinoda mhuri, vana. ”…
Majaya anewo ichi chinodikanwa, asi vakagadzirira kunonokera kuzadzikwa kwayo nokuda kwenguva yemberi uye vachiri kuona kusurukirwa kwavo nomufaro. "Ini handipokane nevana, asi kuchiri kukurumidza kufunga nezvazvo," anodaro Boris ane makore makumi maviri nemasere.
Patrick Lemoine, psychoanalyst:
“Iye zvino zera revabereki vane mwana wavo wokutanga riri kuwedzera. Ndezvezvidzidzo zvenguva refu, kuwedzera kugara zvakanaka uye kuwedzera kweavhareji yekurarama hupenyu. Asi kuchinja kwehupenyu hakuna kuitika, uye muganhu wepamusoro wezera rekubereka muvakadzi wakaramba wakafanana. Saka muvakadzi pa35, kumhanya chaiko kunotanga. Varwere vanouya kuzondiona vanonetsekana zvakanyanya kuti havasati “vabatanidzwe”. Kubva pamaonero aya, kusaenzana pakati pevarume nevakadzi kunopfuurira.”
3. 35 kusvika kumakore makumi mana nemashanu: kuramba
Ichi chikamu chezera chinoratidzwa neicho chinonzi "secondary" kusurukirwa. Vanhu vaigara nemumwe munhu pamwe chete, vakaroorana, vakarambana, vakatama… Musiyano pakati pevarume nevakadzi uchiri kuonekwa: kune vakadzi vakawanda vanorera mwana vari voga kupfuura vanababa vasina varume. “Handina kumboshuva kugara ndoga, ndoda kurera mwana ndoga,” anodaro Vera, amai vane makore 39 okukura vane mwanasikana ane makore matatu okukura. “Dai zvakanga zvisina kuoma kudaro, ndingadai ndakaumba mhuri itsva kubva mangwana mangwanani!” Kushaikwa kwehukama kunowanzova yakawanda yevakadzi. Zvinoenderana nesarudzo newebhusaiti yeParship, mushure mekurambana, varume vanowana mudiwa paavhareji mushure megore, vakadzi - mushure memakore matatu.
Uye zvakadaro mamiriro ezvinhu ari kuchinja. Kune vakawanda "kwete nguva yakazara" bachelors uye vakaroorana vasingagari pamwe chete, asi vanosangana nguva dzose. Nyanzvi yezvemagariro evanhu Jean-Claude Kaufman, mubhuku rinonzi The Single Woman and Prince Charming, anoona "kurova kwerudo" kwakadaro sechiratidzo chakakosha cheramangwana redu: "Ava 'vasiri vakasurukirwa' ndivo varairi vasingazvizivi."
Patrick Lemoine, psychoanalyst:
“Mararamiro eubhachura anowanzo kuwanikwa aine vanhu vane makore 40-50 okuberekwa. Kugara pamwe chete hakuchaonekwi setsika yemagariro, sezvinodiwa kubva kunze, chero nyaya ine vana inogadziriswa. Ehe, izvi hazvisati zviri zvechokwadi kune wese munhu, asi iyi modhi iri kupararira. Tinobvuma zvakadzikama mukana wenyaya dzerudo dzinoverengeka imwe pashure peimwe. Uyu ndiwo mugumisiro wekuenderera mberi narcissism here? Zvechokwadi. Asi nzanga yedu yese yakavakirwa kutenderedza narcissism, yakatenderedza iyo yakanaka yekuzadzikiswa kwesimba guru, risingadzoreki "Ini". Uye hupenyu hwemunhu hausiwo.
4. Pashure pemakore 50: kuda
Kune avo vasvika pazera rechitatu nerechina, kusurukirwa ichokwadi chinosuruvarisa, kunyanya kuvakadzi mushure memakumi mashanu. Vazhinji vavo vanosara vari voga, uye zvinovaomera kuwana wekufambidzana naye. Panguva imwecheteyo, varume vezera rimwe chete vanogona kutanga hupenyu hutsva nemudiwa wemakore 10-15 vaduku pane ivo pachavo. Panzvimbo dzekufambidzana, vashandisi vezera rino (vose varume nevakadzi) vanoisa kuzviziva kwekutanga. Anna ane makore 62 anoti: “Handina nguva yakawanda yokupedzera pane mumwe munhu asingandikodzeri!”
Patrick Lemoine, psychoanalyst:
"Kutsvaga mudiwa wakakodzera kwakajairika pazera ripi neripi, asi munguva yekupedzisira yehupenyu kunogona kutonyanya: neruzivo rwekukanganisa kunouya nekuremedza. Saka vanhu vanotopinda munjodzi yekurebesa kusurukirwa kusingadikanwi nekunyanya kusarudza… Chinondishamisa patani iri seri kwezvose izvi: tatarisana nemhando yepamusoro ye "barika risingaperi".
Hupenyu hunoverengeka, vakaroorana vakati wandei, uye zvichingodaro kusvika kumagumo. Kugara nguva dzose muhukama hwerudo kunoonekwa sechinhu chakakosha chehupenyu hwepamusoro. Aka ndekekutanga munhoroondo yevanhu kuti izvi zviitike. Kusvikira ikozvino, kukwegura kwakaramba kuri kunze kwekuda uye zvepabonde.