Mukati
Kushamwaridzana kwechokwadi uye hukama hwakasimba hunoda basa rezuva nezuva. Vakaroorana vakaroorana ve psychotherapists kubva pane zvakaitika kwavari - pachedu uye nyanzvi - vanoziva kuchengetedza rudo uye izvo zvinokosha kuti uteerere kune imwe nguva yezororo.
Mumwaka weGore Idzva uzere nekufamba, kushanya kwemhuri, mari yakawedzerwa, uye kuda kunzwa kufara nekufara, kunyangwe vakaroorana vanofara zvikuru vanogona kunetseka.
Charlie naLinda Bloom, psychotherapists uye hukama hwehukama, vave vakaroorana vachifara kubva muna 1972. Vanogutsikana kuti hukama ibasa risingagumi, uye panguva yezororo inonyanya kukosha. “Vanhu vakawanda vari mupesvedzero yengano dzorudo,” Linda anotsanangura kudaro, “uye havadaviri kuti kunoda nhamburiko huru kuchengeta batano inofadza. Vanofunga kuti zvakwana kungotsvaga murume wako. Zvisinei, hukama ibasa, asi ibasa rerudo. Uye kupfuura zvose, ndezvekushanda iwe pachako. "
Nhau dzakanaka ndedzekuti "hukama hwekurota" hunogoneka - hongu, chero vanhu vese vachikwanisa kuzviita. "Une mukana wakakura wekugadzira hukama hwakakwana nemunhu anogona uye akakosheswa zviuru makumi mashanu ari padyo newe, asvika pakukura mupfungwa uye anogovera kuda kwako kuita basa iri," Charlie ane chokwadi. Iye naLinda vanotsanangura ukama hwacho sehwakanyanya kunaka umo vose vari vaviri vanonakidzwa nenguva yavanopedza vari pamwe chete, kunzwa kuvimbana kwakakwirira, uye vane chivimbo chokuti zvizhinji zvezvinodikanwa zvavo muvaroorani zvichazadzikiswa.
Nekudaro, rinogona kuve basa rinotyisa mazuva 365 pagore kutsvaga sarudzo dzekuzadzisa zvinodiwa nemudiwa uye zvedu. Linda naCharlie vanopa matipi matanhatu ekuvandudza hukama panguva yezororo nepakati pevhiki.
1. Tungamira
“Kazhinji, vazhinji vedu tinopa simba redu rose kubasa kana kuti vana, uye izvi zvinotungamirira kukuparara kweukama,” anodaro Linda. Munguva yezororo, kuisa zvakakosha kunogona kunyanya kuoma, asi zvakakosha kuti tisakanganwa.
Usati watanga nhevedzano yeshanyo kumhuri neshamwari, taura pamusoro pemanzwiro ayo mumwe nomumwe wenyu angava nawo mukati meiyi kurukurirano.
“Kunzwa ndokwomuzvarirwo, asi hakufaniri kuva kunoparadza,” Linda anotsinhira kudaro. "Tsvaga nguva nenzvimbo yekunyaradzana nemashoko nezviito, kuratidza rudo uye kuonga."
“Iva anongwarira zvikuru uye usaregeredza mukwanyina wako mukati mokuungana kwemhuri,” anowedzera kudaro Charlie. “Zviri nyore kuti mutange kuonana sechinhu chisina basa kana paine vamwe vanoda kuti mutarisirwe.” Zviito zviduku zvekutarisira zvakakosha zvikuru.
2. Isai nguva zuva rega rega yekubatana nemumwe.
Zuva nezuva "check-ins" rinogona kuita sebasa rinotyisa panguva yezororo, apo mazita ezvekuita akareba kupfuura kare. Asi Charlie naLinda vanoti zvakakosha kutora nguva yekukurukura zvine musoro nemumwe wako mazuva ese.
“Vanhu vanowanzova vakabatikana zvokuti havawani nguva yokukurukura,” Linda anochema kudaro. "Asi zvakakosha kutora zororo mubhizinesi uye kupokana mazuva ese." Tsvaga nzira yekuyedza iyo inoshanda zvakanyanya kune vaviri vako uye ubatsire kuchengetedza hukama hwepedyo - kumbundirana, kufamba imbwa, kana kukurukura nezvezuva rinouya pamusoro pekofi yemangwanani.
3. Remekedza kusiyana kwako
Kunzwisisa uye kubvuma misiyano chikamu chakakosha chehukama chero hupi, asi humwe hunogona kuzviratidza zvakanyanya munguva yezororo kana zororo. Vanhu vakawanda vasina mari vachaita zvakasiyana pakusarudzwa kwezvipo pane avo vanoparadzana nemari nyore nyore. Extroverts inogona kuedzwa kuti ionekwe pamabiko ese, nepo introverts inogona kunzwa kuneta.
Uye uko kune misiyano, kunetsana hakudzivisiki, izvo zvinozokonzera kutsamwa uye kutsamwa. “Muruzivo rwedu rwebasa, tinoona kuti vanhu vakawanda havasi kubata zvakanaka nemamiriro ezvinhu akadaro,” anodaro Linda. — Vanozvininipisa, vanounganidza pfundepfunde, vanoshatirwa, vanoratidza kuregeredza. Asi patinobvunzurudza vakaroorana vanofara, tinoona kuti vanhu ava vanoremekedza kusiyana kwavo. Vakadzidza kutaura pamusoro pazvo pasina pomero kana kutuka. Izvi zvinoda simba remukati nekuzvibata — kugona kutaura chokwadi kuti zvisarwadze, zvine hungwaru uye zvine humiriri.
4. Teerera uye rega mumwe wako ataure
Munguva yezororo, mazinga ekushushikana anogona kusimuka kwete nekuda kwekukakavadzana kwakaunganidzwa kubva kubasa, asiwo nekuda kwekushandiswa kwesimba remhuri. Kushanya kunobva kuhama dzokunyama kunogona kukonzera makakatanwa, sezvinoita misiyano yenzira yokurera nayo vana.
“Kwakaoma kudzivisa kudzongonyedza mumwe munhu, kumururamisa, kana kuti kuzvidzivirira,” anotsinhira kudaro Charlie. “Kunzwa chimwe chinhu chisingatsungiririki, tinoda kubvisa marwadzo, kutsamwa kana kutya. Tinoda kunyararidza mumwe munhu."
Charlie anobvuma kuti iye pachake akawana izvi: “Pakupedzisira, ndakaona kuti kuedza kwangu kubvisa hasha kwakatowedzera kuipa. Pandakaona kuti Linda ainzwa sei, hana yangu yakarova. Ndakanzwa kuti kuedza kwangu kuzvidzivirira kwakamukanganisa sei.”
Kuti uteerere kune mumwe wako uye kuti urege kuputika pakarepo, Linda anoda kuvhara muromo wako uye kuzviisa munzvimbo yeanotaurirana: "Edza kunzwa zvakafanana nemudiwa wako. Isa manzwiro ako padivi uye edza kunzwisisa mumwe.”
Charlie anokukurudzira kuti umire uye uzvibvunze: chii chandakanzwa ndisati ndakanganisa mutauri? “Apo ndinoshanda nevaroorani,” anogovera kudaro, “ndinoedza kuvabatsira kunzwisisa zviri kuitika kuitira kuti vanhu vanyanye kurangarira pamusoro pechinoitika chavo uye kuti vanoita sei kune izvo.”
Asi pasinei nokuti uri kurwisana netsitsi kana kuti wakabatikana kuongorora zvinokukonzera, edza kupa mumwe wako ngwariro yakawanda sezvinobvira usati wasvetukira mumaonero ako. “Ramba uchifunga kuti kuteerera chinyararire hakurevi kuti unobvumirana nezvose zvinenge zvataurwa. Asi zvakakosha kuita kuti mumwe wako anzwe sekunge wanzwa usati wapa maonero akasiyana,” anotsanangura kudaro Charlie.
5. Bvunza kuti: “Ndingakuratidza sei rudo rwangu?”
“Vanhu vanowanzopa rudo nenzira yavanoda kuti varuwane ivo pachavo. Asi zvinofadza mumwe munhu zvinogona kusaenderana nemumwe,” anodaro Linda. Maererano naye, mubvunzo wakanyatsokodzera kubvunza mumwe wako ndewekuti: "Ndinganyatsoratidza sei rudo rwangu kwauri?"
Varapi vanoti vanhu vanoona kuratidzwa kwerudo munzira huru shanu: kubata, nguva yemhando pamwe chete, mazwi («Ndinokuda», «Unotaridzika zvakanaka», «Ndinodada newe»), rubatsiro runoshanda (somuenzaniso, kubvisa marara kana kuchenesa kicheni mushure mekudya kwemanheru) uye zvipo.
Chii chichabatsira mudiwa kuti anzwe achidiwa? Chidimbu chezvishongo kana chitsva chepamusoro-tech gadget? Manheru masaja kana vhiki mbiri? Kuchenesa imba vasati vasvika vaenzi kana kadhi rine meseji yerudo? “Vaya vanokwanisa kuvaka ukama hwakanaka vanogara vachida kuziva uye vachishamisika,” anotsanangura kudaro Linda. "Vakagadzirira kugadzira nyika yese kune wavanoda."
6. Batsira mumwe wako kuti zviroto zvake zviitike
“Tose tine zviroto zvapachivande zvatinofunga kuti hazvisati zvichizoitika,” anodaro Linda, “asi kana mumwe munhu akatibetsera kuita kuti zviitike, kuonana naye kunova nerevo.
Charlie naLinda vanokurudzira vadyidzani kuti vanyore pasi kuti mumwe nemumwe wavo anofungidzira sei hupenyu hwakanaka, achipa rusununguko rwekufungidzira. "Idzi fungidziro hadzifanirwe kunge dzakafanana - ingoisa pamwe chete uye utarise machisi."
Nyanzvi dzepfungwa dzine chokwadi chekuti kana vanhu vachitarisana nekutenda musimba, simba uye tarenda yeumwe neumwe, zvinovaunza pamwe chete. "Kana mukatsigirana mukuzadzisa zviroto, hukama hunova hwakadzama uye kuvimbana."
Charlie anotenda kuti hukama hwakanaka ndeye 1% kufemerwa uye 99% ziya. Uye kunyangwe panogona kunge paine dikita rakawanda munguva yezororo, kuisa mari muhukama hwepedyo kunobhadhara zvakanyanya.
“Kune zvikomborero zvakawanda kupfuura zvaungafungidzira,” Linda anosimbisa kudaro. Ukama hwakanaka hwakafanana nenzvimbo yebhomba. Nehukama hwakasimba, hwepedyo, une bafa uye ruponeso kubva kumatambudziko ekunze. Kunzwa runyararo rwepfungwa nekuda kwekuda zvauri kwakafanana nekurova jackpot. "