Tocophobia: "Ndaitya kuzvara"
Pandaiva nemakore 10, ndaifunga kuti ndaiva amai vadiki nehanzvadzi yangu yaiva mudiki kwandiri. Ndichiri kuyaruka, ndaigara ndichifunga kuti ndaroorwa nomuchinda aiyevedza, wandaizova nevana vakawanda! Kufanana nengano! After two kana three love affairs, ndakasangana naVincent on my 26th birthday. Ndakaziva nokukurumidza zvikuru kuti akanga ari murume woupenyu hwangu: akanga ane makore 28 okukura uye taidanana zvoupengo. Takachata nekukurumidza uye makore mashoma ekutanga aive asina kunaka, kusvika rimwe zuva Vincent akaratidza chido chake chekuva baba. Ndakashamisika, misodzi yangu uye ndakabatwa nokudedera! Vincent haana kunzwisisa zvandaiita nekuti tainzwanana. Ndakazongoona kuti dai ndaiva neshungu dzekuva nenhumbu ndive amai. Kungofunga kuzvara kwakandipinza mukuvhunduka zvisingatsananguriki... Ndaisanzwisisa kuti sei ndaiita zvakaipa kudaro. Vincent akapererwa akaedza kuti nditaure zvikonzero zvaiita kuti nditye. Hapana mhedzisiro. Ndakabva ndavhara zvangu ndikati regai ndimbotaura neni nezvazvo.
Mwedzi mitanhatu gare gare, rimwe zuva patakanga tiri pedyo zvikuru nomumwe nomumwe, akataura neni zvakare pamusoro pokuva nomwana. Akataura zvinhu zvinyoro kwazvo kwandiri senge: "Uchaita amai vakanaka kudaro". “Ndakamurasa” nokumuudza kuti takanga tava nenguva, kuti takanga tiri vadiki… Vincent akanga asisazivi kuti otendeukira kupi uye ukama hwedu hwakatanga kupera simba. Ndakaita hupenzi hwekusaedza kumutsanangurira zvandaitya. Ndakatanga kuzvibvunza. Ndakaziva, semuenzaniso, kuti nguva dzose ndinosvetuka TV kana paine mishumo yewadhi yekuzvara., zvekuti moyo wangu wainge woita kuvhunduka kudai pakaita nyaya yembereko. Ndakaerekana ndarangarira kuti mumwe mudzidzisi akanga atiratidza firimu rekusununguka uye kuti ndakanga ndasiya kirasi nemhaka yokuti ndakanga ndisinganzwisisi! Ndinofanira kunge ndaiva nemakore anenge 16. Ndakatomborota hope dzakashata.
Uye zvino, nguva yaita basa rayo, ndakakanganwa zvese! Uye kamwe kamwe, ndichiroverwa pamadziro sezvo murume wangu akanga achitaura neni nezvokuvaka mhuri, mifananidzo yeiri bhaisikopo yakadzokera kwandiri sokunge kuti ndakanga ndariona zuro wacho. Ndakaziva kuti ndiri kuodza moyo Vincent. Ndakazofunga kumuudza nezvekutya kwangu kuzvara uye kutambura. Sezvineiwo, akanzwa kurerukirwa ndokuedza kundisimbisa nokundiudza kuti: “Unonyatsoziva kuti nhasi, nokuputika kwechirwere ichi, vakadzi havachatamburi sezvavaimboita! “. Ikoko, ndakamuomesera zvikuru. Ndakamudzorera kukona yake, ndichimuudza kuti akanga ari murume kutaura saizvozvo, kuti epidural yaisashanda nguva dzose, kuti kwakanga kune episiotomies yakawanda uye kuti ini handina. handaikwanisa kutsungirira kuita zvese izvo!
Ndakabva ndazvivharira mumba medu ndichichema. Ndakazvitsamwira zvikuru kuti ndakanga ndisiri mukadzi “akajairika”! Hazvinei kuti ndakaedza sei kuzvirangarira ndimene, hapana chakabetsera. Ndakatya kurwadziwa uye ndakazoona kuti ndaityawo kufa ndichizvara mwana ...
Ndakaona pasina nzira, kunze kweimwe chete, kuti ndikwanise kubatsirwa nekuvhiyiwa. Saka, ndakaenda kunharaunda yevanachiremba. Ndakapedzisira ndawira parera risingawanzo kubvunza chiremba wangu wechitatu wekubereka uyo akazotora kutya kwangu zvakanyanya. Aiteerera ndichibvunza mibvunzo uye akanzwisisa kuti ndakanga ndichirwara nechirwere chaicho. Pane kubvuma kundipa cesarean kana nguva yasvika, akandikurudzira kuti nditange kurapwa kuti ndikunde phobia yangu, yaakadana kuti "tocophobia". Handina kuzeza: ndaida kuti kuporeswa kupfuura zvese kuti ndive amai uye ndifadze murume wangu. Saka ndakatanga kurapwa kwepfungwa nemumwe murapi wechikadzi. Zvakatora inopfuura gore, pamwero wezvikamu zviviri pasvondo, kunzwisisa uye kunyanya kutaura pamusoro paamai vangu ... Amai vangu vaiva nevanasikana vatatu, uye sezviri pachena, havana kumbogara zvakanaka vari mukadzi. Uyezve, pane imwe nguva, ndakayeuka ndichishamisa amai vangu vachiudza mumwe wevavakidzani vavo nezvekusununguka kwandakanga ndaita uye kwakanga kwava kuda kuvaurayisa, vakati! Ndakarangarira mitongo yake midiki yemhondi iyo, yaiita sepasina, yakabatikana mundangariro dzangu. Nekuda kwekushanda nekuderera kwangu, ndakadzokera zvakare kudiki-kuora mwoyo, kwandaive nako pandaiva nemakore 16, pasina munhu ane hanya chaizvo. Zvakatanga apo sisi vangu vakuru vakazvara mwana wavo wekutanga. Panguva iyoyo, ndakazvishora, ndakaona kuti hanzvadzi dzangu dzakanga dzakanaka zvikuru. Kutaura zvazviri, ndaigara ndichizvishora. Kuora mwoyo uku kwakanga kusina munhu akanga atora zvakanyanya kwakanga kwaitwazve, maererano nokuderera kwangu, apo Vincent akandiudza nezvokuita mwana naye. Uyezve, pakanga pasina kana tsananguro imwe chete yekutya kwangu, asi yakawanda, iyo yakapindirana nekundisunga.
Zvishoma nezvishoma, ndakasunungura bhegi remapfundo iri uye ndakanga ndisingachanyanyi kunetseka nezvekusununguka., kusanyanya kuzvidya mwoyo. Muchikamu, ndaigona kutarisana nepfungwa yekuzvara mwana pasina kufunga nekukurumidza nezvemifananidzo inotyisa uye yakaipa! Panguva imwe cheteyo, ndaiita sophrology, uye yakandiitira zvakanaka zvakawanda. Rimwe zuva, chiremba wangu wesophrologist akandiita kuti ndifungidzire kuberekwa kwangu (chaizvoizvo!), Kubva pakusununguka kwekutanga kusvika pakuberekwa kwemwana wangu. Uye ndakakwanisa kuita kurovedza muviri pasina kuvhunduka, uye kunyangwe nekumwe kufara. Kumba ndaive ndadekara zvangu. Rimwe zuva ndakaona kuti chipfuva changu chakanga chazvimba. Ndakange ndave nemakore akawanda ndichinwa mapiritsi uye ndaisafunga kuti zvingaita kuti ndibate pamuviri. Ndakaita, ndisingatendi, muedzo wepamuviri, uye ndaifanira kutarisana nechokwadi: Ndakanga ndichitarisira mwana! Ndakanga ndakanganwa piritsi rimwe manheru, izvo zvakanga zvisina kumboitika kwandiri. Ndakanga ndiine misodzi mumaziso angu, asi panguva ino yemufaro!
Kuderera kwangu, kwandakakurumidza kuzivisa kwaari, kwakatsanangura kwandiri kuti ndakanga ndichangobva kuita chiito chinoshamisa chakapotsa uye kuti kukanganwa piritsi pasina mubvunzo kwaiva nzira yekutsungirira. Vincent akafara zvisingaite uye Ndakagara pamuviri pakadzikama, kunyangwe kana zuva rekufa richiswedera, ndipo pandainyanya kurwadziwa ...
Kuti ndive panjodzi, ndakabvunza chiremba wangu wezvekuzvara kana aizobvuma kundivhiya, kana ndakanga ndichitadza kuzvidzora apo ndakanga ndagadzirira kusununguka. Akabvuma uye izvozvo zvakandisimbisa zvikuru. Painenge isingasviki mwedzi mipfumbamwe, ndakanzwa mazamu ekutanga uye ichokwadi kuti ndaitya. Ndichisvika pawadhi yevakasunungukira, ndakakumbira kuti ndiisirwe epidural nokukurumidza sezvinobvira, izvo zvakaitwa. Uye chishamiso, akandinunura nekukurumidza kubva mumarwadzo andaitya zvakanyanya. Boka rese raiziva dambudziko rangu uye vainzwisisa zvakanyanya. Ndakasununguka pasina episiotomy, uye nokukurumidza, sokunge ndakanga ndisingadi kuedza dhiyabhorosi! Ndakaerekana ndaona mwana wangu mukomana padumbu apa hana yangu ichibva yaputika nemufaro! Ndakaona mudiki wangu Leo akanaka uye achitaridzika zvakanaka… Mwanakomana wangu ava nemakore maviri uye ndinozviudza, mukona diki yemusoro wangu, kuti munguva pfupi achange ava nemunin’ina kana kahanzvadzi kadiki…