Siya nekuremekedzwa: sei zvakaoma varume?

“Mamwe manheru, ndadzoka kubva kubasa, ndakawana pepa rendege rinosanozivikanwa, rakanga rakarara patafura muimba yokutandarira, panzvimbo inooneka zvikurusa. Mukati maive netikiti rekuenda kuNew York. Ndakada kutsanangura kubva kumurume wangu. Akataura kuti akasangana nemumwe mukadzi uye aida kunogara naye.” Iyi ndiyo nzira iyo murume waMargarita ane makore 12 akazivisa nayo kupera kwemuchato wemakore makumi mana nemana.

Uye izvi ndizvo zvakataurwa nemukomana waLydia ane makore makumi matatu nemasere mushure megore rekugarisana: "Ndakagamuchira email kubva kwaari paakati aifara neni, asi akadanana nemumwe. Tsamba yacho yakaguma nechishuvo cherombo rakanaka!

Uye pakupedzisira, hukama hwekupedzisira hwaNatalia ane makore makumi matatu nematanhatu nemumwe wake mushure memakore maviri ehukama hwakaita seizvi: "Akazvivharira uye akanyarara kwemavhiki. Ndakaedza kupaza buri mumadziro maive musina zvakashaya basa. Akaenda, achitaura kuti akanga achienda kushamwari kuti afunge pamusoro pezvinhu zvose uye azvigadzirise. Haana kuzombodzoka, uye handina kuzowana imwe tsananguro."

“Nyaya dzose idzi dzinoratidzazve kuti zvakaoma zvikuru kuti varume vaone uye vataure manzwiro avo,” anodaro chiremba wepfungwa uye nyanzvi yezvepabonde Gianna Schelotto. — Vanovharwa nokutya mirangariro yavo vamene, naizvozvo varume vanowanzovaramba, vachidavira kuti nenzira iyi vachanzvenga kutambura. Inzira yekusabvuma kuti pane matambudziko.”

Munzanga yemazuva ano, varume vakajaira kuita uye kuwana migumisiro chaiyo. Kuputsa hukama kunovakanganisa, nekuti zvakafanana nekurasikirwa uye kusachengeteka. Uye zvino - kufunganya, kutya uye zvichingodaro.

Imhaka yeizvi kuti vazhinji havagone kudzikama nemukadzi uye kazhinji vanomhanyisa kupinda mune nyowani nyowani, vasingaite kupedzisa iyo yapfuura, uye dzimwe nguva vasingaipedze. Muzviitiko zvese izvi, kuedza kudzivirira kusakosha kwemukati kunotyisa.

Kusagona kuparadzana naamai

“Varume, mupfungwa yakati, “vakaremara mupfungwa” kana toreva nezvokurambana,” anodaro Gianna Skelotto, “havana kugadzirira kuparadzana.”

Muhuduku, kana amai vari ivo chete chinhu chinodiwa, mwana ane chokwadi chokuti inowirirana. Kazhinji mukomana anoona kuti akanga asina kururama apo baba vanopinda—mwanakomana anoona kuti anofanira kugoverana rudo rwaamai vake naye. Kuwanikwa uku kunotyisa nekusimbisa panguva imwe chete.

Uye kana pasina baba kana kuti asingatori rutivi zvikuru mukurerwa kwomwana? Kana kuti amai vacho vane chiremera zvikuru here kana kuti vanonyanyotsigira? Hapana kukosha kwakakosha. Mwanakomana anoramba aine chokwadi chekuti ndiye zvese kuna amai, kuti haagone kurarama pasina iye osiya nzira dzake dzekuuraya.

Nokudaro matambudziko muhukama nemurume atova mukuru: kuzvibatanidza nemukadzi kana, zvakasiyana, kurega. Achigara achitenderera pakati pekuda kuenda uye kunzwa aine mhosva, murume hapana chaanoita kutozosvikira mukadzi azvisarudzira.

Kutamisirwa mutoro

Mukwanyina asina kugadzirira kutanga kurambana anogona kukakavara kupfurikidza nokumanikidzira kumukadzi mhinduro yaanoda.

Nikolai ane makore 30 anoti, “Ndinosarudza kusiiwa pane kurega. "Saka ini handiite sebastard." Zvakakwana kuzvibata zvisingatsungiririki sezvinobvira. Anopedzisira ave kutungamira, kwete ini.”

Mumwe musiano pakati pomurume nomukadzi unotaurwa naIgor ane makore 32, akaroora kwemakore 10, baba vane mwana muduku: “Ndinoda kusiya zvinhu zvose ndokuenda kure, kure. Ndine pfungwa dzakafanana ka10 pazuva, asi handimboteveri kutungamira kwavo. Asi mudzimai akapukunyuka dambudziko racho kaviri chete, asi nguva dzose akasiya afunga.

Iyi asymmetry mumafambiro emaitiro haishamisi Skelotto zvachose: "Vakadzi vanonyanya kugadzirira kuparadzana. Vano“itwa” kuti vabereke vana, ndiko kuti, kukunda rudzi rwokudimburwa kwechikamu chemuviri wavo. Ndosaka vachiziva kuronga kuzorora. "

Kuchinja kwemagariro evakadzi mumakore 30-40 apfuura anotaurawo nezveizvi, anowedzera Donata Francescato, nyanzvi yeItaly Psychologies: “Kubva kuma70s, nekuda kwekusununguka uye kufamba kwevakadzi, vakadzi vave vachinyanya kudiwa. Vanoda kugutsa zvido zvavo zvepabonde, zverudo uye zvepfungwa. Kana kusanganiswa kwezvishuwo uku kukasaitika muhukama, vanosarudza kurambana nemudiwa. Mukuwedzera, mukusafanana navarume, vakadzi vanowana chinodikanwa chinokosha chokunakidzwa nokudiwa. Kana vakatanga kunzwa vasina hanya, vari kupisa mabhiriji. "

Varume, kune rumwe rutivi, vachiri, neimwe nzira, vakabatirira pfungwa yezana ramakore rechi XNUMX yekuroora: kana chikamu chekunyengedza chazvinetesa, havachina chimwe chekushanda, hapana chekuvaka.

“Murume nenzira yomusikirwo haangofungi semukadzi, anoda kusimbiswa kushoma kwemanzwiro. Zvakakosha kuti ave nelair uye mukana wekutamba basa remuriri wezvokudya, izvo zvinomuvimbisa zvokudya, uye murwi anogona kuchengetedza mhuri yake, Francescato anoenderera mberi. "Nekuda kweiyo pragmatism, varume vanoona kupera kwehukama kunonoka, dzimwe nguva kunyange zvakanyanya."

Zvisinei, nyanzvi yekushanda kwepfungwa inotaura kuti mamiriro acho ezvinhu ari kutanga kuchinja zvishoma nezvishoma: “Muitiro wevechiduku unova somuenzanisi wechikadzi, pane chishuvo chokunyengera kana kuti kudiwa. Chinonyanya kukosha ndechekuda "kusunga" hukama nemukadzi anenge ari mudiwa uye mukadzi.

Matambudziko muna Zvakazarurwa

Zvakadini nokurambana chiso nechiso? Maererano naGianna Skelotto, varume vachatora danho guru kumberi apo vanodzidza kuparadzana zvakadzikama, uye kusaputsa ukama nehasha. Iye zvino, mushure mekuita sarudzo yekurambana, varume vanowanzoita zvisina kunaka uye vanenge vasingambotauri zvikonzero.

“Kupa tsananguro zvinoreva kuona kupatsanurwa sechinhu chine chinangwa chinoda kuongororwa. Kutsakatika pasina shoko inzira yekuramba chiitiko chinoshungurudza uye kuita sekuti hapana chakaitika,” anodaro Skelotto. Mukuwedzera, "kusiya muChirungu" inzirawo yekutorera mumwe mukana wekuzvidzivirira.

Christina ane makore 38 anoti, “Akaenda musekondi imwe pashure pemakore matatu tiri pamwe chete, uye kwenguva pfupi akabva angosiya kuti akanga asingachakwanisi kugara neni. Kuti ndakamupa pressure. Mwedzi misere yapfuura, uye ndichiri kuzvibvunza kuti chii chaaida kutaura kuti ndakakanganisa. Uye saka ndinorarama - ndichitya zvakare kuita zvikanganiso zvekare zvekare nemurume anotevera.

Zvese zvisina kutaurwa zvinouraya. Kunyarara kunoburitsa kushushikana kwese, kusava nechokwadi, saka mukadzi akasiiwa haagone kupora nyore - nekuti iye zvino anobvunza zvese.

Varume vari kuitwa vakadzi here?

Nyanzvi dzezvemagariro evanhu dzinoti 68% yekurambana kunoitika panguva yevakadzi, 56% yekurambana - padanho revarume. Chikonzero cheizvi ndiko kugoverwa kwenhoroondo yemabasa: murume muchengeti wezvokudya, mukadzi muchengeti weimba. Asi zvichiri zvakadaro? Takataura nezvazvo naGiampaolo Fabris, purofesa wezvemagariro evanhu paIulm Institute muMilan.

"Chokwadi, mifananidzo yaamai mukadzi uye muchengeti wechoto uye muvhimi wechirume anodzivirira mhuri ari kubuda. Zvisinei, hapana muganhu wakajeka, ma contours akasvibiswa. Kana chiri chokwadi kuti vakadzi havachatsamira paupfumi kune vavakaroorana navo uye vanoparadzana zviri nyore, saka ichokwadi zvakare kuti vazhinji vavo vane dambudziko rekupinda kana kudzoka kumusika wevashandi.

Kana vari varume, ivo, zvechokwadi, "vakadzi" mupfungwa yokuti vanozvitarisira ivo uye fashoni yakawanda. Zvisinei, idzi ndidzo shanduko dzekunze. Varume vazhinji vanoti havana basa nekugovaniswa kwakanaka kwemabasa epamba, asi vashoma vavo vanopa nguva yavo mukutsvaira, kuaina kana kuwacha. Vazhinji vanoenda kuchitoro kunobika. Zvimwe chete nevana: vanofamba navo, asi vazhinji havakwanisi kuuya nemamwe mabasa akabatanidzwa.

Muzvose, hazviratidzike sekuti munhu wemazuva ano aita basa rekuchinja chairo. Anoenderera mberi achinzwa ane mhosva kumukadzi padanho rezvinhu, asi zvinoenderana naye padanho rekunzwa.