Kubva paudiki, varume venguva yemberi vanodzidziswa kunyara ne "nyoro" manzwiro. Somugumisiro, vose vakadzi nevarume pachavo vanotambura neizvi - zvichida zvakatonyanya. Nzira yekuputsa sei denderedzwa iri rakashata?
Vakadzi vane manzwiro akawanda kupfuura varume uye vakajaira kutaura pamusoro pemanzwiro avo. Zvakare, varume vanotapurira kudiwa kwerudo, kushamwaridzana, kutarisirwa uye nyaradzo kuburikidza nechishuwo chebonde. Tsika yemadzibaba yatinogara mairi inomanikidza varume kuti vatsigire "nyoro" yavo uye "kupemha" manzwiro muhukama hwenyama.
Somuenzaniso, Ivan anoda zvepabonde nokuti akaora mwoyo uye anofarira kunyaradzwa kwaanoita pamubhedha nomukadzi. Uye Mark anorota nezvepabonde paanonzwa kusurukirwa. Ane chokwadi chokuti acharatidza kusava nesimba kana akaudza vamwe kuti akasurukirwa uye anoda mumwe munhu pedyo.
Ukuwo, anodavira kuti zvakajairika kutsvaka ushamwari hwepedyo hunogutsa chido chake choushamwari hwepfungwa.
Asi ndeapi ari manzwiro ari pasi pechishuvo chokurara nomumwe munhu? Ndepapi parinenge richingokurudzira kuita zvepabonde, uye ndepapi parinenge richida kudanana uye kukurukurirana?
Usafunga kuti "nyoro" manzwiro ndeevasina simba. Ndivo vanotiita vanhu.
Varume vazhinji vachiri kutenda kuti "vanotenderwa" kutaura vakasununguka manzwiro maviri ekutanga - kukwezva pabonde uye kutsamwa. More «nyoro» manzwiro - kutya, kusuwa, rudo - anodzorwa zvakasimba.
Hazvishamise kuti "nyoro" manyawi asingawane chinobuda anobatirira kune tugboat yekusangana pabonde. Panguva yepabonde, varume vanombundirana, kupuruzira, kutsvoda uye rudo pasi pechigadziro chinogamuchirika chechiito chemurume - chiitiko chepabonde.
Mune zvinyorwa The Mask Unogara In (2015), director Jennifer Siebel anotaura nyaya yekuti vakomana nevechidiki vanonetsekana sei kuzvichengeta kunyangwe pakamanikana pfungwa yeAmerica yehurume.
Kana varume nevakomana vakadzidza kudzora manzwiro avo ese, uye kwete kutsamwa uye chishuwo chebonde chete, tichaona kudzikiswa kwakanyanya kwehuwandu hwekushushikana nekuora mwoyo munharaunda yese.
Apo patinovhara manzwiro ekutanga (kusuwa, kutya, kutsamwa) uye kudiwa kwehukama hwepedyo (rudo, ushamwari, chido chekukurukurirana), tinoora mwoyo. Asi kuora mwoyo uye kufunganya zvinopera kana tangobatanazve nemanzwiro ekutanga.
Nhanho yekutanga yekugara zvakanaka ndeyekunzwisisa kuti isu tese tinoshuva kushamwaridzana, zvese pabonde uye mupfungwa. Uye kudiwa kwerudo kwakafanana ne "ushingi" senyota yesimba uye kuzviziva. Usafunga kuti "nyoro" manzwiro ndeevasina simba. Ndivo vanotiita vanhu.
5 mazano ekubatsira murume kuvhura
1. Muudze kuti vanhu vose, pasinei nevakadzi, vanoona manzwiro ekutanga akafanana - kusuruvara, kutya, kutsamwa, kunyangadza, mufaro uye chido chepabonde (hongu, vakadzi zvakare).
2. Rega murume akakosha kwauri azive kuti kudiwa kwekubatana kwemanzwiro uye chido chekugovana manzwiro nemafungiro hazvisi zvitorwa kune mumwe nomumwe wedu.
3. Mukoke kuti ataure manzwiro ake newe uye asimbise kuti hautongi manzwiro ake kana kuzviona seutera.
4. Usakanganwa kuti vanhu vakaoma kunzwisisa. Tese tine zvatinogona uye zvatisingagoni, uye zvakakosha kuti tizvifunge.
5. Murumbidze kuti atarise bhaisikopo rinonzi The Mask You Live In.
Munyori: Hilary Jacobs Hendel chiremba wepfungwa, New York Times munyori wenhau, uye mupi wezano paMad Men (2007-2015).