Indaneti yakazadzwa nenyaya dzekugara kwakaoma ne "chepfu" vanhu uye mibvunzo yekuti vanogona kuchinjwa here. Elena Sokolova, Chiremba wePsychology, nyanzvi yehutano hwehutano, anogovera maonero ake.
Kutanga, regai ndikuyeuchidze: usaongorora hama. Izvi zvinogona kuitwa chete nachiremba. Basa re psychotherapist ane kliniki uye psychoanalytic dzidzo ndeyekutarisa imwe neimwe yakananga nyaya yega uye kuedza kunzwisisa kuti ndeupi munhu ari pamberi pake, kuti hunhu hwake hwakarongwa sei. Kureva kuti kuita ongororo yemunhu.
Chinhu chimwe chiri pachena: chiyero chekuchinja kunobvira zvakasimba kunoenderana nechimiro cheunhu, pahupamhi hwekutyorwa. Munhu akura, kunyange kana ane vamwe neurotic hunhu, uye murwere ane muganhu kana narcissistic sangano munhu zvakasiyana zvachose vanhu. Uye yavo "nzvimbo yeproximal budiriro" yakasiyana. Kazhinji kazhinji, tinokwanisa kucherekedza zvikanganiso mumufambiro wedu, kuziva kuti chimwe chinhu hachina kururama matiri, kukumbira betsero, uye ipapo nokukurumidza kugamuchira iyi betsero.
Asi vanhu vane muganhu uye kunyanya narcissistic sangano, sekutonga, havazivi matambudziko avo. Kana vane chimwe chinhu chakagadzikana, iko kusagadzikana. Uye inoshanda kune ese mafungu ehupenyu.
Kutanga, vanosangana nekuoma kukuru mukugadzirisa manzwiro (ivo vanoratidzwa nechisimba, zvakaoma kudzora zvinokanganisa). Chechipiri, havana kugadzikana zvakanyanya muhukama.
Kune rumwe rutivi, vane chido chinoshamisa chehukama hwepedyo (vakagadzirira kunamatira kune ani zvake), uye kune rumwe rutivi, vanonzwa kutya kusinganzwisisiki uye chido chokutiza, kusiya hukama. Iwo akarukwa chaiwo kubva pamatanda uye zvakanyanyisa. Uye chechitatu chimiro kusakwanisa kuumba pfungwa yakajairika uye yakagadzikana iwe pachako. Zviri zvidimbu. Kana iwe ukakumbira munhu akadaro kuti azvitsanangure, achataura chimwe chinhu chakadai: "Amai vanofunga kuti ndine kugona mune chaiyo sainzi."
Asi kutyorwa kwese uku hakukonzeri kunetseka kwavo, nekuti vanenge vasina hanya nemhinduro. Munhu akakura anokwanisa kugadzirisa maitiro ake nekuda kwemeseji yekunze - mukukurukurirana kwemazuva ese uye kana kusangana nemamiriro akasiyana ehupenyu. Uye hapana chinovashandisa sechidzidzo. Vamwe vanogona kuvaratidza: uri kukuvadza, zvakaoma kuva pedyo newe, hausi kukuvadza iwe pachako, asiwo vadiwa vako. Asi zvinoratidzika kwavari kuti matambudziko haasi kwavari, asi kune vamwe. Saka matambudziko ese.
Zvakaoma asi zvinogoneka
Kushanda nevanhu vakadaro kunofanirwa kunge kuri kwenguva refu uye kwakadzika, hazvireve chete kukura kwemunhu wepfungwa, asiwo ruzivo rwake rwakanaka rwekiriniki psychology uye psychoanalysis. Mushure mezvose, tiri kutaura pamusoro pehuhu hutsika hwakaoma hwakamuka kare, munguva yehucheche. Kumwe kutyorwa kweukama pakati pemucheche naamai kunoshanda sechinhu chinokuvadza. Mumamiriro ezvinhu e "nzvimbo yakaremara" hunhu husina kunaka hunoumbwa. Uku kukanganisa kwekutanga kwekukura kunodzikamisa kugona kuchinja. Usatarisira kuvandudzwa nekukurumidza.
Varwere vane borderline narcissistic organisation vanoramba chero rudzi rwesimba, zvakaoma kuti vavimbe ne psychotherapist. Vanachiremba vanotaura kuti vane kusateerera kwakashata (kubva mukuteerera kwevarwere veChirungu), ndiko kuti, kuomerera kune imwe nzira yekurapa, kukwanisa kuvimba nachiremba uye kutevera mazano ake. Ivo vanonetseka zvakanyanya uye havakwanise kutsungirira kuvhiringidzika. Vanoona chero chiitiko chitsva senjodzi.
Migumisiroi ichiri kuwanikwa mubasa rakadaro? Kana murapi ane kushivirira kwakakwana uye ruzivo, uye murwere anoona kuti vanoda chaizvo kumubatsira, saka zvishoma nezvishoma zvimwe zvitsuwa zvehukama zvakasungwa. Vanova hwaro hwemwe kuvandudzika mumanzwiro, muhunhu. Hapana chimwe chishandiso mukurapa. Usatarisira shanduko huru. Iwe uchafanirwa kushanda zvishoma nezvishoma, nhanho nhanho, uchiratidza murwere kuti kuvandudzwa, kunyangwe kudiki, kuri kuwanikwa nechikamu chega chega.
Semuenzaniso, murwere kwenguva yekutanga akakwanisa kurarama nerumwe rudzi rwekukuvadza kunoparadza, kana kuti kusvika kuna chiremba, izvo zvakanga zvisingabviri kare. Uye iyi ndiyo nzira yekurapa.
Nzira yeKuporesa Shanduko
Ndeapi mazano aungapa kumhuri neshamwari dzevanhu vane hunhu husina kunaka? Zvakadini nevaya vasati vagadzirira kugumisa ukama voenda?
Kana iwe uchikoshesa hukama hwako, edza kusapa mhosva kune chimwe chinhu, asi kunyatsofunga nezvekubatana kwako, uye kutanga kune zvese, tendeukira kwauri, vavariro nezviito zvako. Izvi hazvisi zvekupa mhosva munhu wacho. Izvo zvakakosha kuyeuka yakadaro nzira yekudzivirira yepfungwa sefungidziro - munhu wese anayo. Iyi nzira inokonzera kusagadzikana kwemaitiro emunhu - hundingoveni hwemunhu, kana hukasha, kana kudiwa kwekuchengeta - kuti zvionekwe kune waunoda.
Naizvozvo, kana tichipomera mumwe munhu kunyengedza, zvakakodzera kuzvibvunza isu mubvunzo: ini pachangu ndinotaurirana sei nevamwe vanhu? Ndinovabata semutengi here? Pamwe ndakagadzirira chete kufambidzana kunosimudzira kuzviremekedza kwangu kana chimiro chemagariro? Ndinoedza kunzwisisa mumwe munhu here pandinoona sokuti ari kurova? Kuchinja kwechinzvimbo uku, kunzwira tsitsi uye kuramba zvishoma nezvishoma kuzvifunga kunotibvumira kunzwisisa zviri nani mumwe, kutora nzvimbo yake uye kunzwa kusagutsikana kwake uye kurwadziwa kwatingakonzera paari tisingazivi. Uye akatipindura.
Chete mushure mebasa remukati rakadaro zvinokwanisika kutaura nezvekunzwisisana, uye kwete kuzvipa mhosva iwe kana mumwe. Chinzvimbo changu hachibvi pamakore mazhinji ekudzidzira chete, asiwo patsvakiridzo yakakomba yedzidziso. Kutaura kuti uri kuchinja mumwe munhu hakuna zvakunobatsira. Nzira yekuporesa shanduko muhukama ndeyekuzvishandura.