Avo vasingakwanisi kutora danho vasina rubatsiro vanonzi vacheche uye vanozvidzwa zvishoma. Avo vasingagamuchire tsitsi nerutsigiro vanoonekwa sevakakwira uye vanodada. Vose vari vaviri havasi kufara nokuti havagoni kusvika pakubvumirana nenyika dzekunze. Nyanzvi yezvepfungwa Israel Charney anotenda kuti zvinhu zvose zvinotanga muhuduku, asi munhu mukuru anokwanisa chaizvo kukudziridza unhu husina kukwana maari.
Pasati pave nemuchenjeri munyika anogona kutsanangura zvakajeka nei vamwe vanhu vachivimba nemunhu hupenyu hwavo hwese uye vachida kuchengetedzwa, nepo vamwe vakazvimiririra zvakasimba uye vasingafarire kudzidziswa, kuchengetedzwa uye kupihwa zano.
Munhu anosarudza kuva anotsamira kana kuti akazvimirira. Kubva pakuona kwekururama kwezvematongerwo enyika, maitiro ake haanei nemunhu chero bedzi asingatauri kutyisidzira kana kukanganisa zvido zveumwe munhu. Zvichakadaro, kukanganiswa kwekuenzanisa kwekutsamira uye kuzvimiririra kunotungamirira kukukanganisa kwakakomba muhukama nenyika yekunze.
- Ndiamai vane hasha vevana vakawanda, vasina nguva yemarudzi ose eunyoro uye kunzva. Zvinoita sekuti vana vachasimba uye vanozvimirira sezvaari, asi vamwe vavo vanokura vakatsamwa uye vane hasha.
- Iye anotapira zvakanyanya uye anonyara, saka zvinobata-bata uye nerumbidzo yakanaka, asi hapana chaanokwanisa mubhedha.
- Haadi munhu. Akanga akaroorwa uye zvakanga zvichityisa, uye iye zvino pakupedzisira akasununguka, anogona kuchinja vadiwa zuva nezuva, asi haazombopindi muukama hwakakomba. Uyezve, haasi muranda!
- Mwanakomana anodiwa anoteerera, mudzidzi akanaka kwazvo, anogara achinyemwerera uye ane ushamwari, vanhu vakuru vanofara zvikuru. Asi mukomana anova pwere uyezve murume, uye anowanikwa ari murashiki zvinosiririsa. Zvakaitika sei? Izvi ndezvokuti haakwanisi kuzvimiririra mumakakatanwa asingadzivisiki, haazivi kubvuma kukanganisa uye kurarama nekunyadziswa, anotya chero matambudziko.
Zvose zviri zviviri zvakanyanyisa zvinowanzosangana mukuita kwehutano hwepfungwa. Rubatsiro runodiwa kwete chete kune vanhu vanongoita uye vanovimba vanofurirwa uye kunyengedzwa zviri nyore. Vanhu vane simba uye vakaoma vanoenda kumberi muhupenyu uye vanotaura kuti havadi kuchengetwa nechero munhu uye nerudo havawanzo onekwa kuti vane hunhu hwekusagadzikana.
Psychotherapists, avo vanonyatsogutsikana kuti zvakakosha kuisa pfungwa chete pamanzwiro evarwere uye zvishoma nezvishoma kuvatungamirira kunzwisisa uye kubvuma ivo pachavo, regai kubata manzwiro akadzama. Muchidimbu, chirevo cheiyi pfungwa ndechekuti vanhu vakaita sezvavari, uye basa re psychotherapist ndeyekunzwira tsitsi, kutsigira, kukurudzira, asi kwete kuedza kushandura rudzi rukuru rweunhu.
Asi kune nyanzvi dzinofunga zvakasiyana. Isu tose tinoda kutsamira kuitira kuti tidiwe uye titsigirwe, asi panguva imwe chete tichiramba takazvimirira kuitira kuti tisangane nekukundikana noushingi. Dambudziko rekutsamira uye kuzvimiririra rinoramba rakakosha muhupenyu hwese, kutanga kubva paucheche. Vana vakakanganiswa nekutarisirwa kwevabereki zvekuti kunyangwe pazera rekuziva havazivi kurara pamubhedha wavo kana kushandisa chimbuzi vari voga, sekutonga, vanokura vasina rubatsiro uye vasingakwanisi kurwisa kurohwa kwekupedzisira.
Zvakanaka kana kupindwa muropa kune hutano kuchibatanidzwa pamwe nekuzvimirira.
Ukuwo, vanhu vakuru vanoramba kubvuma kubatsirwa, kunyange pavanenge vachirwara kana kuti vari mumatambudziko, vanozvitongera kusurukirwa, mupfungwa nomumuviri. Ndakaona varwere vanorwara zvakanyanya vachidzingwa nevarapi nekuti vaisakwanisa kuwana munhu anovachengeta.
Zvakanaka kana kupindwa muropa kune hutano kuchibatanidzwa pamwe nekuzvimirira. Mutambo werudo umo vese vakagadzirira kubata zvishuwo zvemumwe nemumwe, neimwe nzira vachiva vakashata, vobva vazviisa pasi, vachipa nekugamuchira rudo, kuenzanisa pakati pemativi avo anotsamira uye akazvimirira, zvinounza mufaro usingaenzaniswi.
Panguva imwecheteyo, huchenjeri hwemazuva ose kuti mufaro mukuru wemurume kana mukadzi mudiwa akavimbika akagadzirira kuita zvepabonde pakudana kwekutanga anowedzera zvakanyanya. Iyi inzira yekufinhwa uye kuparadzaniswa, tisingatauri chokwadi chokuti uyo anomanikidzwa kupinda muchimiro che "muiti akarega" anowira mudenderedzwa rakashata rekupisa kunyadziswa uye anonzwa semuranda.
Pavanondibvunza kuti ndoita sei kana vana vakakura vasina mano kana kuti vakaoma musoro, ndinopindura kuti zvose zviri mumaoko evabereki. Waona kuti zvimwe zviratidzo zvinonyanya mukuita kwemwana, munhu anofanira kunyatsofunga nezve nzira yekuisa maari hunhu husipo.
Kana vakaroorana vauya, ndinoedzawo kuratidza kuti vanogona kufurirana. Kana mumwe wavo asina simba-anoda uye asingakwanisi kusarudza, wechipiri anomubatsira kuti atende maari uye akasimba. Kusiyana neizvi, mudiwa akapfava anokwanisa kudzora zvishuvo zvechipiri uye, kana zvichidikanwa, kuratidza kusimba kwehunhu.
Musoro wakakosha hukama kubasa. Saka vanhu vazhinji havana mufaro zvachose nekuda kwekuti zuva nezuva vanogara vachiita chinhu chimwe chete, vachituka vatungamiriri nehurongwa hwavanoshandira. Hungu, kuwana chokurarama nacho hakusi nyore, uye haasi munhu wose anogona kuita zvaanoda. Asi kune avo vakasununguka kusarudza basa ravo, ndinobvunza: zvingani munhu anogona kuzvipira kuti achengetedze basa?
Izvi zvinoshandawo kune hukama nemasangano akasiyana uye masevhisi ehurumende. Ngatiti iwe unoda kurapwa uye unokwanisa nenzira inoshamisa kuti usvike kune yakakurumbira mwenje, asi anozoratidza kuve ane hutsinye anozvikudza uye anotaurirana nenzira inogumbura. Iwe uchatsungirira here, nekuti iwe unoda kuwana zano rehunyanzvi, kana iwe uchapa kwakakodzera kurambwa?
Kana, toti, dhipatimendi remitero rinoda kubhadhara mari isingafungidzike, uye rinotyisidzira nemhosva uye zvimwe zvirango? Ucharwisana nokusaruramisira here, kana kuti uchakurumidza kubvuma uye kubvuma zvinhu zvisina musoro kuti udzivise zvimwe zvinetso?
Pane imwe nguva ndaifanira kurapa musayendisiti ane mukurumbira ane inishuwarenzi youtano yehurumende yaibhadhara mari yokurapa pfungwa nachiremba wepfungwa, chero bedzi kwairumbidzwa nachiremba wepfungwa kana kuti neurosurgeon. Murwere uyu akatumirwa kwandiri "chete" neurologist uye kambani yeinishuwarenzi yakaramba kubhadhara.
Kunzwisisa kwakatiudza tese kuti nitpick yaive isina kunaka. Ndakarayira murwere (munhu anonyanya kungoita zvinhu, nenzira) kuti amirire kodzero dzake uye akavimbisa kurwisana naye: ita zvose zvinogoneka, shandisa chiremera cheunyanzvi, fonera uye nyora kwese kwese, faira komisheni yeinishuwarenzi arbitration, chero. Uyezve, ndakavimbisa kuti ndaisazokumbira muripo kubva kwaari panguva yangu - ini pachangu ndakatsamwiswa nemaitiro eveinishuwarenzi. Uye chete kana akakunda, ini ndichafara kana achiona zvakakodzera kundibhadharira mubhadharo wemaawa ese akashandiswa pakutsigira kwake.
Akarwa seshumba uye akawedzera kuzvishingisa panguva yaitongwa, zvekuti tese takagutsikana. Akahwina ndokuwana mari yeinishuwarenzi, uye ndakawana mubairo wandaifanirwa. Chinonyanya kufadza, kwaisangova kukunda kwake chete. Mushure mechiitiko ichi, inishuwarenzi yevashandi vese vehurumende yeUS yakachinja: masevhisi enyanzvi dzetsinga akaverengerwa mumitemo yekurapa.
Icho chinangwa chakanaka: kuva munyoro uye kuoma, kuda uye kudiwa, kugamuchira rubatsiro uye zvakakodzera kubvuma kupindwa muropa kwako, uye panguva imwecheteyo ramba wakasununguka uye ubatsire vamwe.
Nezve munyori: Israel Charney, American-Israeli psychologist uye sociologist, muvambi uye purezidhendi weIsrael Association of Family Therapists, co-muvambi uye mutevedzeri wemutungamiri weInternational Association of Genocide Researchers, munyori weExistential-Dialectical Family Therapy: Nzira Yokusunungura. Chakavanzika Code Yewanano.