Ushamwari hwevakadzi: mitemo isina kunyorwa

Anna naKaterina shamwari dzekare. Vanowanzova nekudya kwemasikati pamwe chete pamwedzi, uye Anna anowanzo kugovera pachena zviri kuitika muupenyu hwake, apo Katerina ari kunyanya kuchengetwa, asi nguva dzose akagadzirira kupindura uye kupa mazano anobatsira.

Panguva ino zvinoonekwa kuti Katerina ari pasi pekunetseka - chaizvoizvo pamuganho. Anna anotanga kubvunza shamwari yake kuti chii chiri kunetsa, iye ndokupaza. Murume waKaterina, akanga asina kumbogara kwenguva yakareba pabasa ripi zvaro, zvino akasarudza kuzvipira zvizere ... pakunyora bhuku. Pasi pechikonzero ichi, haashandi, haachengeti vana, haatarisiri basa repamba, nokuti izvi "zvinovhiringidza unyanzvi." Zvose zvakawira pamapfudzi emudzimai wake, uyo anomanikidzwa kutenderera pamabasa maviri, kurera vana uye kutarisira imba.

Katerina akatora zvose pamusoro pake, uye izvi zvinotyisa Anna. Anotaura zvakananga maonero ake kuti murume weshamwari yake haasi munyori, asi chirwere chinongoshandisa iye, uye haakwanisi kunyora chero chinhu chakanaka pachake. Anototaura kuti shamwari yake inofanira kurambana.

Kudya kwemasikati kunokanganiswa nerunhare kubva kumurume wake - pane zvakaitika kuchikoro nemumwe wevana. Katerina anoputsika ndokuenda.

Musi uyu Anna anozomufonera achida kuona kuti mwana akamira zvakanaka here asi shamwari yake haidairi. Hapana mafoni, hapana zvinyorwa, hapana maemail. Aya ndiwo mafambiro anoita vhiki nevhiki.

Mapurofesa ekoreji yezvokurapa, nyanzvi dzepfungwa dzekiriniki Shoba Srinivasan naLinda Weinberger vanotaura nyaya iyi semuenzaniso wekutyora mitemo isina kutaurwa yehushamwari hwevakadzi. Vachitaura nezvekutsvakurudza kwakaitwa nenyanzvi dzepfungwa nenyanzvi dzemagariro evanhu, vanopikisa kuti pane mitemo muushamwari, yakawanda yacho ine chekuita nekuvimbika, kuvimbana, uye mufambiro, sekuchengeta zvisungo. Iyi "mitemo yekudyidzana" inovimbisa kugadzikana muhukama.

Vatsvakurudzi vakaona kuti vakadzi vanowanzova netarisiro huru kushamwari dzavo - kunyanya kupfuura varume - uye vanoda huwandu hwepamusoro hwekuvimba uye hukama hwepedyo. Chiyero chehukama muhushamwari hwevakadzi chinotemerwa kuburikidza neakasarudzika "mitemo yekuburitsa". Nokudaro, ushamwari hwepedyo hunobatanidza kuchinjana kwemirangariro nezvinetso zvomunhu oga. Asi maitiro e "mitemo" akadaro anogona kunge asina kujeka. Uye kana mutemo wakadaro ukaputswa, ushamwari hunogona kuva mungozi.

Kuparadza hukama hwaiita sepedyo hunogona kurwadza uye kusinganzwisisike kune rumwe rutivi. Kusununguka, chido chekupedza nguva pamwe chete uye kupa rubatsiro rwepfungwa zvikamu zvehukama hwepedyo. Anna akatenda kuti iye naKaterina vaiva shamwari dzepedyo, nokuti akanga ajaira kumuudza nezvematambudziko ake uye kuwana mazano.

Anna akatadzei? Nyanzvi dzepfungwa dzinotenda kuti akatyora mutemo usingatauriki wehushamwari hwavo: Katerina ndiye anopa, asingagamuchire zano. Anna akapindawo munharaunda inokosha, yega yehupenyu hwehupenyu hweshamwari yake: akataura chokwadi chokuti Katerina akaroora murume akaoma, uye mukuita kudaro, akatyisidzira pfungwa yake.

Humwe ushamwari hungaratidzika kuva hwakasimba asi chaizvoizvo husina kusimba. Izvi zvinodaro nekuti shamwari, kunyangwe dzenguva refu, dzinogona kutsiviwa zviri nyore kupfuura vamwe vepedyo, senge hama kana vadikani. Naizvozvo, kushamwaridzana muushamwari kunochinja. Chiyero chayo chinogona kuenderana nemamiriro ezvinhu: semuenzaniso, kuwedzera panguva apo vanhu vane zviitiko zvakafanana kana zvavanofarira, apo vaviri vari padanho rimwe chete - semuenzaniso, vasina kuroora, vakarambana, kana kurera vana vadiki. Hushamwari hwepedyo hunogona kupera uye kupera.

Nyanzvi dzepfungwa dzinokurudzira kufunga nezvemitemo isina kunyorwa yehushamwari:

• Kana iwe uchizopa shamwari yako peremptory zano rekugadzirisa dambudziko rake, iwe unofanirwa kufunga nezvekuti anorida uye kuti angatore sei mazwi ako.
• Hadzisi ushamwari hwese hunosanganisira kutaura chokwadi, kuburitsa nyaya dzemunhu kana manzwiro ake. Zvinoitika kuti tinonakidzwa nokupedza nguva tiri pamwe chete tisingakurukuri-kuru mumwoyo, uye izvi zvinowanzoitika.
• Dzimwe nguva kuburitsa-kwakavakirwa hukama inzira imwe, uye ndizvozvo zvakare.
• Zvingava zviri nyore kuti shamwari ive chipangamazano pane kugamuchira zano. Usaedze kuita “balance”.
• Usavhiringa kuda kunzwiwa nekubvunza maonero ako.
• Nguva yekuzivana haisi chiratidzo chehukama hwepedyo. Nguva yakareba yekukurukurirana inogona kupa pfungwa yenhema yehukama hwepedyo.

• Hatifaniri kutora mutoro wekutyisidzira pfungwa yekuzivikanwa kweshamwari, kunyange kana tichitenda kuti zviri nani kuti abvume utera hwake (kunze kwekuti, chokwadi, izvi zvatove chikamu chehukama, apo shamwari mbiri dzinokoshesa uye vakagadzirira kugamuchira kutonga kwakadaro zvakare). Shamwari haisi psychotherapist.
• Hapana chikonzero chekunongedza kana kupa mhosva shamwari nekusachinja chero chinhu mumamiriro ezvinhu mushure mekunge agamuchira zano redu.

Kunze kwekunge shamwari iri munjodzi nekuda kwemhirizhonga yemumba kana kushungurudzwa mupfungwa, usatsoropodza murume wake kana mudiwa wake:

• kunyanya kana isu pachedu tisingazvifariri (manzwiro edu munyaya iyi achave pachena),
• kunyangwe tikafunga kuti tiri kupa ongororo iri pamutemo yemaitiro emumwe wake,
• kunze kwekunge chimiro chakadaro chekupanana ruzivo nezve vadyidzani chatove chinhu chakasimbiswa chehukama hwehukama.

Hushamwari hwakakosha kugarikano yedu yepfungwa: hunogutsa kudiwa kwerudo, kuva munhu, uye kuzivikanwa. Iyo ine akawanda akajeka marongero: iyo nhanho yekunyaradza yega yega, dhigirii rekuvhurika uye delicacy. Kunzwisisa mitemo isina kunyorwa, isina kutaurwa muukama kunogona kuchengetedza ushamwari.

Pamusoro pevanyori: Shoba Srinivasan naLinda Weinberger inyanzvi dzepfungwa dzekiriniki.