Mukusuwa uye mukufara: nei ushamwari hwakakosha

“Apo mwanakomana wangu akanga ari muchipatara, ndakanzwa ndisina betsero uye ndarasika,” anoyeuka kudaro Maria. - Chinhu chimwe chete chakandibatsira panguva iyoyo kwaiva kutsigirwa neshamwari yandakanga ndaziva kwemakore anopfuura makumi matatu. Kutenda kwaari, ndakatenda kuti zvese zvichanaka. Ainyatsoziva zvekutaura nekuita kuti ndinzwe zviri nani.”

Chimwe chinhu chakafanana chinofanira kunge chakaitika kune vakawanda. Iri ndiro simba rehushamwari, chakavanzika chayo chikuru. Tinoda shamwari kwete chete nezvavari, asiwo nekuti dzinotiita zvatiri.

"Izvozvi vakuverengerawo"

Vanhu imhuka dzinogarisana nevamwe, saka miviri yedu neuropi zvakagadzirirwa kugadzira marudzi ese ekubatana. Kutanga kuva shamwari, tinoonana nerubatsiro rwe:

• kubata, iyo inomutsa kugadzirwa kweoxytocin uye inotibatsira kuvimba nevamwe;
• hurukuro dzinotibvumira kuona nzvimbo yedu muchikwata uye kuona kuti ndiani asiri weboka redu uye ndiani asingafaniri kubvumirwa kupinda;
• kugovera sangano nevamwe rinobudisa endorphins (funga nezvevasikana vachiri kuyaruka vachimbundirana, vachiita makuhwa, uye kutamba papati).

Zvisinei, kunyange zvazvo takasikwa kuti titaure nevamwe, zvatinokwanisa zvine pazvinogumira. Saka, ongororo yakaitwa neBritish anthropologist uye evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar yakaratidza kuti munhu anogona kuchengetedza anosvika zana nemakumi mashanu ekusangana kwemhando dzakasiyana dzepedyo. Pakati peizvi, kusvika kuvanhu vashanu shamwari dzepamwoyo, gumi ishamwari dzepedyo, 150 ishamwari, zana vanozivana.

Chii chiri chikonzero cheganhuriro dzakadaro? “Ushamwari hwakasiyana neukama nevoukama vatisingagoni kutaura navo kwenguva yakati, nokuti tinoziva kuti hapana kwavanoenda, nokuti takabatanidzwa neropa,” anodaro mumwe muongorori wepfungwa Cheryl Carmichael. “Kushamwaridzana kunoda kugara uchikurukurirana uye kudzoka mupfungwa.”

Izvi hazvireve zvachose kuti unofanirwa kunge uine shamwari shanu dzepamoyo kana zana chairo rekufona mumasocial network. Asi uropi hwedu hwakarongeka zvokuti hatichagoni kuhudhonza mupfungwa uye mumuviri zvakare.

Tsigiro yeushamwari uye rubatsiro

Mhando dzose dzeushamwari dzinobatsira munzira dzadzo. Mumamiriro ezvinhu akaoma ehupenyu, tinotendeukira kune yakamanikana denderedzwa reshamwari kuti tibatsirwe, anotipa chimwe chinhu chatisingagoni kuwana kunyange kubva kune wawakaroorana naye kana hama.

Nemumwe munhu unofara kuenda kukonsati kana mucafe kuti utaure. Kumbira rubatsiro kune vamwe, asi nemamiriro ezvinhu ekuti unozovaitirawo sevhisi gare gare. Iwe unogona kuuya kushamwari kubva pasocial network kuti uwane mazano (kunyangwe hukama hwepfungwa navo husina kusimba, asi vanhu ava vanogona kukanda zano kana kubatsira kutarisa dambudziko kubva kune imwe kona).

Shamwari dzinotipa tsigiro yomuviri, yetsika, yendangariro patinenge tichiida, Carmichael anotsanangura kudaro. Anodavira kuti ushamwari hunotidzivirira pakukanganiswa kunoitwa nenyika yakatipoteredza dzimwe nguva. Zvinobatsira kurangarira zvatiri, kuwana nzvimbo yedu munyika. Mukuwedzera, kune vanhu vanongonakidzwa uye zviri nyore kwatiri kutaura, kuseka, kutamba mitambo kana kuona bhaisikopo.

Mukuwedzera, Carmichael anonongedza kune zvakashata zvehushamwari: haisi nguva dzose ine utano uye inogara kwenguva refu. Dzimwe nguva nzira dzeshamwari dzepamoyo dzinosiyana, uye avo vataivimba navo vanotitengesa. Ushamwari hunogona kupera nezvikonzero zvakasiyana-siyana. Dzimwe nguva kusanzwisisana, maguta akasiyana nenyika, maonero anopokana nezvehupenyu, kana isu tinongopfuura hukama uhu.

Uye kunyange izvi zvichiitika nguva dzose, kurasikirwa neshamwari kunorwadza: kuparadzana kunoita kuti tive vakasurukirwa. Uye kusurukirwa nderimwe rezvinetso zvakaoma zvikurusa zvenguva yedu. Zvine ngozi—zvichida zvinotonyanya kuipa kupfuura kenza uye kusvuta. Zvinowedzera njodzi yekurohwa kwemoyo, sitiroko, dementia uye kufa nguva isati yakwana.

Vamwe vanonzwa vakasurukirwa kunyange vakakombwa nevanhu. Vanonzwa sokuti havagoni kuva pachavo nemumwe munhu. Ndicho chikonzero kuchengetedza hukama hwepedyo, hwekuvimbana zvakanaka kune hutano hwako.

Shamwari dzakawanda - huropi hwakawanda

Wakambozvibvunza here kuti nei vamwe vanhu vaine shamwari dzakawanda kupfuura vamwe? Nei vamwe vaine denderedzwa rakakura resocial network, nepo vamwe vachiganhurirwa kushamwari shoma? Nhamba huru yezvinhu inokanganisa kugona kushamwaridzana munharaunda, asi pane imwe inonyanya kushamisa. Zvinoitika kuti nhamba yeshamwari inobva pakukura kweamygdala, nzvimbo duku yakavanzwa yakadzika muuropi.

Iyo amygdala inokonzera maitiro emanzwiro, nekuziva kwatinoita kuti ndiani asingafadze kwatiri, uye watinogona kutaura naye, ndiani shamwari yedu uye ndiani muvengi wedu. Zvose izvi ndizvo zvinonyanya kukosha pakuchengetedza hukama hwevanhu.

Kuti ugadzire hukama pakati pehukuru hweamygdala uye denderedzwa reshamwari uye vanozivana, vatsvakurudzi vakaongorora masocial network evanhu vakuru makumi matanhatu. Zvakazoitika kuti nhamba yevanoshamwaridzana vanobatana yakanangana nehukuru hweamygdala: iyo yakakura, iyo yakawanda yekusangana.

Izvo zvakakosha kuti uzive kuti saizi yeamygdala haikanganise kunaka kwekubatanidza, rutsigiro rwunogarwa nevanhu, kana kunzwa kwekufara. Inoramba iri mubvunzo usina kugadziriswa kana amygdala inowedzera muhutano hwekukurukurirana kana kuti munhu anoberekwa ane amygdala yakakura uye ozoita shamwari dzakawanda uye vanozivana.

“Pasina shamwari, ndiri mudiki”

Vanamazvikokota vanobvumirana kuti kushamwaridzana kwakanakira utano. Vanhu vakura vane shamwari vanorarama nguva refu kupfuura vasina. Ushamwari hunotidzivirira kubva kuhosha dzemwoyo uye kusagadzikana kwepfungwa.

Vatsvakurudzi vakaongorora maitiro evanopfuura vechidiki ve15, vechidiki vakuru, vanhu vakuru vepakati uye vakwegura vakapa ruzivo pamusoro pehuwandu uye hutano hwehukama hwavo. Hunhu hwakaongororwa nerudzii rwerutsigiro rwekugarisana kana kusawirirana kwavaigamuchira kubva kumhuri, shamwari, shamwari uye vaunodzidza navo, vangave vainzwa kuchengetwa, kubatsirwa uye kunzwisiswa - kana kutsoropodzwa, kutsamwiswa uye kusakosha.

Huwandu hwaienderana nekuti vaive muhukama here, kuti vaiona kangani mhuri neshamwari, nharaunda dzavaiona sedziri. Vatsvakurudzi vakabva vatarisa hutano hwavo mushure memakore mana nemakore gumi nemashanu.

"Takaona kuti hukama hwemagariro hunokanganisa hutano, zvinoreva kuti vanhu vanofanira kusvika kune kuchengetedza kwavo zvakanyanya," akadaro mumwe wevanyori vekudzidza, Purofesa Kathleen Harris. "Zvikoro nemayunivhesiti zvinogona kuita zviitiko zvevadzidzi vasingakwanise kushamwaridzana vega, uye vanachiremba, kana vachiongorora, vanofanirwa kubvunza varwere mibvunzo nezvehukama hwemagariro."

Kusiyana nevadiki nevakuru, vanhu vezera repakati vane huwandu hwakasiyana hwekushamwaridzana vaive vasina hutano kupfuura vezera ravo vasina kushamwaridzana. Kwavari, hutano hwehukama hwaive hwakakosha. Vakuru vasina tsigiro chaiyo vakatambura kuzvimba uye chirwere kupfuura avo vane hukama hwepedyo, hwekuvimba neshamwari nemhuri.

Imwe pfungwa yakakosha: pamazera akasiyana tine zvido zvekutaurirana zvakasiyana. Iyi ndiyo mhedziso yakasvika nevanyori vekudzidza neYunivhesiti yeRochester, yakatanga kare muna 1970. Yakapindwa nevanhu ve222. Vese vakapindura mibvunzo yekuti hukama hwavo nevamwe hwaive padyo sei uye kuti vane kugarisana kwakawanda sei. Mushure memakore makumi maviri, vaongorori vakapfupisa mhedzisiro (zvino zvidzidzo zvaive zvatopfuura makumi mashanu).

“Hazvina basa kuti une shamwari dzakawanda here kana kuti unongogutsikana nokungoshamwaridzana nevanhu vashoma, kukurukurirana nevanhu ava kwakanakira utano hwako,” anodaro Cheryl Carmichael. Chikonzero nei mamwe maficha ehushamwari achinyanya kukosha pane rimwe zera uye mamwe pane rimwe nekuti zvinangwa zvedu zvinoshanduka sezvatinokura, anodaro Carmichael.

Kana isu tichiri vadiki, vazhinji vanobatika vanotibatsira kudzidza hunyanzvi hwemagariro uye kunzwisisa zviri nani kwatinogara munyika. Asi kana tave mumakore edu makumi matatu, chido chedu chehukama hwepedyo chinoshanduka, hatichadi nhamba huru yeshamwari - pane kudaro, tinoda shamwari dzepedyo dzinotinzwisisa uye dzinotitsigira.

Carmichael anocherekedza kuti hukama hwehukama pazera remakumi maviri hahusi hunoratidzwa nepedyo nekudzika, nepo pamakumi matatu hutano hwehukama hunowedzera.

Ushamwari: mutemo wekukwezva

Mafambiro ehushamwari achiri chakavanzika chisina kugadziriswa. Kufanana norudo, ushamwari dzimwe nguva “zvinongoitika.”

Tsvakurudzo itsva yakaratidza kuti nzira yekugadzira ushamwari yakaoma zvikuru kupfuura zvinofungwa nevakawanda. Nyanzvi dzezvemagariro evanhu nenyanzvi dzepfungwa dzakaedza kuona kuti chii chinoita kuti vanhu vave neshamwari uye kuti chii chinobvumira ushamwari kuti huve ushamwari hwechokwadi. Vakaongorora maitiro ehukama hwepedyo hunoitika pakati peshamwari uye vakaona "chinhu" chisinganzwisisike chinoisa shamwari muchikamu che "nani". Kudyidzana uku kunoitika muminiti, asi kwakadzika zvakanyanya. Iri pamwoyo wehunhu husinganzwisisike hwehushamwari.

Pinda kushamwari

Makore mashoma apfuura, vaongorori vakatanga kutsvaga kuti rudzii rweushamwari hunomuka pakati pevagari veimba imwe chete. Zvakazoitika kuti vagari venzvimbo dzinoremekedzwa dzepamusoro vakaita ushamwari nevavakidzani vavo pasi, nepo vamwe vese vachiita shamwari mumba.

Zvinoenderana netsvagiridzo, shamwari dzinowanzo kuve idzo nzira dzinogara dzichiyambuka: vaunoshanda navo, vaunodzidza navo, kana avo vanoenda kune imwe jimu. Zvisinei, hazvisi zvose zviri nyore.

Sei tichitaura nemunhu mumwe kubva kukirasi yeyoga, uye tisingamboti mhoro kune mumwe? Mhinduro iri nyore: tinogovana zvakajairika. Asi handizvo zvoga: pane imwe nguva, vanhu vaviri vanorega kungova shamwari uye vanova shamwari dzechokwadi.

“Kuchinja kweushamwari kuti huve ushamwari kunoitika kana mumwe munhu akavhurira mumwe munhu otarisa kuti iyewo agadzirira here kutaura naye. Uyu muitiro wekubatana,” anodaro Beverly Fehr nyanzvi yezvemagariro evanhu. Kugarisana ndiyo kiyi yeushamwari.

Shamwari nokusingaperi?

Kana ushamwari huri hwese, kana vanhu vakavhurika kune mumwe nemumwe, danho rinotevera kushamwaridzana. Sekureva kwaFer, shamwari dzechirume chimwe chete dzinonzwa mumwe nemumwe zvine mutsindo, kunzwisisa izvo mumwe anoda uye zvaanogona kupa mukudzoka.

Rubatsiro nerutsigiro rusina magumo zvinoperekedzwa nekugamuchirwa, kuzvipira uye kuvimba. Shamwari dzinogara dzinesu, asi dzinoziva nguva isingafaniri kuyambuka muganhu. Avo vanogara vaine maonero pamusoro pemapfekero edu, pamusoro pemudiwa wedu kana zvinokuvaraidza hazvibviri kugara kwenguva refu.

Kana munhu akagamuchira mitemo yemutambo intuitively, ushamwari naye hunova hwakadzika uye hupfumi. Asi kukwanisa kugovera tsigiro yokunyama hakusati kuchitongova munzvimbo yokutanga mundandanda yeunhu hweshamwari yechokwadi. Ushamwari hahutengwi nemari.

Kuda kupa zvinopfuura kugamuchira kunoita kuti tive shamwari dzakanaka. Kunotova nechinhu chakadai segangaidzo yaFranklin: mumwe munhu akatiitira chimwe chinhu anogona kuita chimwe chinhu zvakare pane mumwe munhu watakaitira isu pachedu.

Chionioni changu chiedza, ndiudze: chokwadi nezve shamwari dzepamoyo

Ushamwari hunoumba hwaro hwoushamwari. Mukuwedzera, takabatanidzwa neshamwari dzepedyo zvechokwadi nepfungwa yebasa: apo shamwari inoda kutaura, tinogara takagadzirira kuiteerera. Kana shamwari ichida rubatsiro, tinosiya zvese tomhanyira kwaari.

Asi, maererano nekutsvakurudza kwenyanzvi dzepfungwa dzemagariro evanhu Carolyn Weiss naLisa Wood, pane chimwe chikamu chinounza vanhu pamwe chete: rubatsiro rwemagariro evanhu - apo shamwari inotsigira pfungwa dzedu sechikamu cheboka, hukama hwedu hwemagariro evanhu (hunogona kubatanidzwa ne chitendero chedu, dzinza, basa revanhu).

Weiss naWood vakaratidza kukosha kwekuchengetedza hunhu hwemagariro. Maererano nezvidzidzo zvakaitwa neboka revadzidzi kubva mugore rekutanga rekudzidza kusvika kune rekupedzisira, kushamwaridzana pakati pavo kwakakura nekufamba kwemakore.

Shamwari yepamwoyo inowanzova muboka revanhu vakafanana newe. Somuenzaniso, kana uri mumhanyi, shamwari yako ingangovewo mumhanyi.

Chishuvo chedu chokuzvitonga, chishuvo chedu chokuva rutivi rweboka, chakasimba zvikuru zvokuti chinogona kutapura kunyange avo vakapindwa muropa nemirimo. Kana munhu achinzwa sekuti ari chikamu cheboka risiri rezvinodhaka, anowanzorega. Kana nzvimbo yake huru yakapindwa muropa, ipapo kubvisa chirwere chacho kuchava kwakaoma zvikuru.

Vazhinji vedu tinosarudza kufunga kuti tinoda shamwari dzedu nezvadziri. Kutaura zvazviri, vanotibatsira kuramba tiri zvatiri.

Nzira yekuchengetedza ushamwari

Nezera, kukwanisa kwedu kuita shamwari hakumbochinji, asi kuchengetedza ushamwari kunova kwakaoma: mushure mechikoro uye kukoreji, tine mabasa akawandisa uye matambudziko. Vana, vakaroorana, vabereki vakwegura, basa, zvinokuvaraidza, varaidzo. Hapana nguva yakakwana yezvose, asi iwe uchiri kufanira kugovera iyo kuti utaure neshamwari.

Asi, kana tichida kuchengeta ushamwari nomumwe munhu, zvinoda kuti tishande nesimba. Hezvino zvinhu zvina zvinotibatsira kuti tive shamwari kwenguva refu:

1. openness;
2. kuda kutsigira;
3. chido chekukurukurirana;
4. maonero akanaka pamusoro penyika.

Kana ukachengeta hunhu huna uhwu mauri, ipapo uchachengeta ushamwari. Ehe, izvi hazvisi nyore kuita - zvinotora imwe nhamburiko - uye zvakadaro hushamwari sechinhu chisingaperi sosi, sechitubu chekutsigirwa uye simba uye kiyi yekuzviwana iwe, yakakosha.