Zvinoita here kuregerera amai vaisatida?

Mubvunzo wekuregererwa mumamiriro ezvinhu apo iwe wakagumburwa zvakanyanya kana kutengesa inyaya yakaoma zvikuru. Kunyanya kana zvasvika kuna amai, vane basa guru rekuda uye kutarisira. Ndopaakakuwisira pasi. Migumisiro icharamba iine iwe kwehupenyu hwose, ichanzwika kwete muhuduku chete, asiwo mukukura.

Mudetembi Alexander Pope akanyora kuti: "Kukanganisa munhu, kukanganwira ndimwari." Itsika yetsika kuti kukwanisa kuregerera, kunyanya kukanganisa kwakanyanya kana kushungurudzwa, kunowanzotorwa sechiratidzo chekushanduka kwetsika kana pamweya. Chiremera chekududzira uku chinotsigirwa netsika dzeJudhiya-chiKristu, semuenzaniso, inoratidzwa mumunyengetero "Baba vedu".

Zvakakosha kuona uye kuziva kusarura kwetsika kwakadaro, nokuti mwanasikana asingadiwi achanzwa achimanikidzwa kukanganwira amai vake. Dzvinyiriro yepfungwa inogona kuitwa neshamwari dzapedyo, vazivikanwi, hama dzokunyama, vanhu vausingazivi chose chose, uye kunyange varapi. Mukuwedzera, kudikanwa kwokuratidzika kuva ari nani mutsika kupfuura amai vako amene kunobetsera.

Asi kana tikakwanisa kubvumirana kuti kukanganwira kwakarurama kubva pakuona kwehutsika, ipapo musimboti wepfungwa yacho pachayo unomutsa mibvunzo yakawanda. Kukanganwira kunodzima zvinhu zvose zvakaipa zvakaitwa nomunhu, kunomuregerera here? Kana kuti pane imwe nzira? Ndiani anoda zvakanyanya: mukanganwiri kana mukanganwiri? Iyi ndiyo nzira yekuburitsa hasha here? Kukanganwira kunopa zvikomborero zvakawanda kupfuura kutsiva here? Kana kuti anoita kuti tive vasina simba uye vanyengeri? Tave tichiedza kupindura mibvunzo iyi kwemakore.

Psychology yekuregerera

Mumazuva ekutanga enhoroondo, vanhu vaikwanisa kurarama vari mumapoka pane kuti vari voga kana vaviri vaviri, saka mudzidziso, kukanganwira kwakava nzira yekuzvibata kweprosocial. Kutsiva hakungokuparadzanise chete nemutadzi nevabatsiri vake, asi kunogonawo kupesana nezvido zveboka. Chinyorwa chazvino chakaitwa naUniversity of North Carolina nyanzvi yezvepfungwa Janie L. Burnett nevamwe vaanoshanda navo vanofungidzira kuti kukanganwira sezano kunodiwa kuti uverenge njodzi dzekutsiva maringe nemabhenefiti angangove ekuwedzera kubatana.

Chimwe chinhu chakadai: mukomana wechidiki akabata musikana wako, asi iwe unonzwisisa kuti ndiye mumwe wevanhu vakasimba mudzinza uye simba rake richadiwa zvakanyanya munguva yemafashamo. Uchaita sei? Uchatsiva here kuti vamwe vasaremekedze, kana kuti uchafunga nezve mukana wekushanda pamwe chete munguva yemberi womukanganwira? Nhevedzano yekuedza pakati pevadzidzi vekoreji yakaratidza kuti iyo pfungwa yekuregerera ine simba rakasimba pakubata njodzi muhukama.

Imwe ongororo inoratidza kuti humwe hunhu hunoita kuti vanhu vakanganwire. Kana, zvakanyatsojeka, zvakanyanya kutenda kuti kukanganwira inzira inobatsira uye inobatsira mumamiriro ezvinhu apo vakabatwa zvisina kunaka. Mumwe muongorori wepfungwa anonzi Michael McCullough anonyora munyaya yake kuti vanhu vanoziva kubatsirwa nehukama vanowanzokanganwira. Izvi zvinoshandawo kune vanhu vakagadzikana mupfungwa, vechitendero, vanonamata zvakanyanya.

Kukanganwira kunosanganisira maitiro akawanda epfungwa: kunzwira tsitsi kune mutadzi, imwe chikwereti chekuvimba naye uye kukwanisa kusadzoka zvakare kune zvakaitwa nemutadzi. Chinyorwa chacho hachitauri kubatanidzwa, asi iwe unogona kuona kuti kana tichitaura pamusoro pekubatanidzwa kwekuzvidya mwoyo (kunozviratidza kana munhu asina ruzivo rwakakosha rwepfungwa muhuduku), uyo akabatwa haakwanisi kukunda matanho ose aya.

Meta-analytical approach inoratidza kuti pane hukama pakati pekuzvidzora uye kukwanisa kukanganwira. Chido chekutsiva chinowedzera "chinyakare", uye nzira inovaka chiratidzo chekuzvidzora kwakasimba. Kutaura chokwadi, zvinonzwika seimwe kusarura kwetsika.

Iyo Porcupine Kiss uye Mamwe Manzwisisiro

Frank Fincham, nyanzvi yekuregererwa, anopa mufananidzo wenungu mbiri dzinotsvoda sechiratidzo chemakakatanwa ehukama hwevanhu. Fungidzira: pahusiku hwechando, vaviri ava vanoungana pamwechete kuti vadziyirwe, vanakidzwe nehukama. Uye kamwe kamwe munzwa wemumwe unochera muganda reimwe. Ooh! Vanhu zvisikwa zvemagariro, saka tinova panjodzi ye "oops" nguva tichitsvaga hukama. Fincham anonyatso tsanangura kuti kukanganwira chii, uye iyi dissection inofanirwa kucherechedza.

Kukanganwira hakurevi kupinda mukuramba kana kunyepedzera kuti pakanga pasina mhosva. Muchokwadi, kukanganwira kunosimbisa chokwadi chekugumbuka, nekuti kana zvisina kudaro kwaisazodikanwa. Mukuwedzera, kukuvadza kunosimbiswa sechiito chekuziva: zvakare, zviito zvekusaziva hazvidi kukanganwirwa. Somuenzaniso, apo bazi romuti romuvakidzani rinopwanya girazi remberi remotokari yako, haufaniri kukanganwira munhu upi noupi. Asi kana muvakidzani wako atora bazi opwanya girazi nekuda kwehasha, zvese zvinosiyana.

Kune Fincham, kukanganwira hakurevi kuyananiswa kana kubatana zvakare. Kunyangwe iwe uchifanira kuregerera kugadzirisa, unogona kuregerera mumwe munhu uye uchiri kuda chero chekuita naye. Pakupedzisira, uye zvakanyanya kukosha, kukanganwira hakusi chiito chimwe chete, inzira. Izvo zvinodiwa kuti utsungirire manzwiro asina kunaka (mibairo yezviito zvemutadzi) uye kutsiva iyo fungidziro yekudzokera kumashure nekunaka. Izvi zvinoda basa rakawanda repfungwa uye rekuziva, saka chirevo chekuti "Ndiri kuedza kukuregerera" ndeyechokwadi uye ine zvakawanda zvinorehwa.

Kukanganwira kunoshanda nguva dzose here?

Kubva pane zvakaitika kwauri kana kubva kune anecdotes, iwe unotoziva mhinduro kumubvunzo wekuti kukanganwira kunoshanda nguva dzose: muchidimbu, kwete, kwete nguva dzose. Ngatitarisei chidzidzo chinoongorora kuipa kwemaitiro aya. Chinyorwa chakanzi “The Doormat Effect,” inyaya yekuyambira vanasikana vanotarisira kuregerera vanaamai vavo uye kuenderera mberi nehukama hwavo navo.

Zvakawanda zvekutsvakurudza zvinotarisa pane zvakanakira kukanganwira, saka basa renyanzvi dzepfungwa dzemagariro Laura Lucic, Elie Finkel, uye vamwe vavo vanoita segwai dema. Vakawana kuti kukanganwira kunoshanda bedzi mumamiriro ezvinhu akati—ndiko kuti, apo mutadzi apfidza ndokuedza kuchinja mufambiro wake.

Kana izvi zvikaitika, hapana chinotyisidzira kuzviremekedza uye kuzviremekedza kweanokanganwira. Asi kana mutadzi achiramba achiita semazuva ose, kana kutonyanya kuipa - anoona kukanganwirwa sechikonzero chitsva chekuputsa kuvimba, izvi, zvechokwadi, zvinoderedza kuzviremekedza kwemunhu uyo ​​achanzwa akanyengerwa uye kushandiswa. Nepo dare refundo richirumbidza kukanganwira rinenge semushonga, rinobatanidzawo iyi ndima: “Maitiro evanyajambwa navapari vemhosva ane tapuro huru pamugariro wapashure pokubatwa chibharo.”

Kuzviremekedza uye kuzviremekedza kwemunhu anenge akanganisa zvinosarudzwa kwete chete nechisarudzo chekuregerera mutadzi kana kwete, asiwo kana zviito zvemutadzi zvicharatidza kuchengeteka kune akabatwa, kukosha kwake.

Kana amai vako vasina kuisa makadhi avo patafura, vachibvuma pachena mabatiro avakakuita uye vachivimbisa kushanda newe kuti vachinje, kukanganwira kwako kungava imwe nzira yokuti vakuone semeti yepamukova yakanaka zvakare.

Dhanzi reKuramba

Vanachiremba nevatsvakurudzi vanobvuma kuti kukanganwira vanenge vakanganisa ndihwo hwaro hwekukwanisa kuvaka ukama hwepedyo, kunyanya hwevakaroorana. Asi nekumwe kusachengeteka. Hukama hunofanirwa kuenzana, pasina kusaenzana kwesimba, kana vaviri vakaroorana vachifarira zvakaenzana mukubatana uku uye kuisa zvakaenzana kuedza mazviri. Ukama huri pakati paamai nemwana waasingadi hahuna kuenzana, kunyange kana mwana akura. Achiri kuda rudo rwaamai nerutsigiro, zvaasina kuwana.

Chido chekuregerera chinogona kuva chipingamupinyi pakuporesa kwechokwadi - mwanasikana achatanga kurerutsa kutambura kwake uye kuita kuzvinyengera. Izvi zvinogona kunzi "kutamba kwekuramba": zviito nemashoko eamai zvinotsanangurwa zvine musoro uye zvinopindirana mune imwe shanduro yemaitiro. "Haanzwisise zvinondirwadza." "Hudiki hwake hwaive husina mufaro uye haazive kuti zvingave sei neimwe nzira." "Zvichida ari pachokwadi uye ndinotora zvese pachangu."

Kukwanisa kukanganwira kunorangarirwa sechiratidzo chokukwirira mutsika, uko kunotisiyanisa navazhinji vanogumburwa vanotsiva. Nokudaro, zvingaratidzika kumwanasikana kuti kana akasvika pachiratidzo ichi, pakupedzisira achagamuchira chinhu chinonyanya kudiwa munyika: rudo rwaamai vake.

Zvichida kukurukurirana hakufaniri kuva pamusoro pokuti uchakanganwira amai vako here, asi pamusoro pokuti uchazviita rini uye nokuda kwechikonzero chipi.

Kuregererana mushure mekurambana

“Kuregerera kunouya nekuporeswa, uye kupora kunotanga nekutendeka uye kuzvida. Nekuregererwa, handireve kuti "Zvakanaka, ndinonzwisisa, wakanganisa, hauna kuipa." Tinopa kukanganwira kwakadaro “kwenguva dzose” mazuva ose, nokuti vanhu havana kukwana uye vanowanzokanganisa.

Asi ndiri kutaura nezverumwe rudzi rwekuregerera. Sezvizvi: "Ndinonyatsonzwisisa zvawakaita, zvaityisa uye zvisingatenderwi, zvakasiya vanga pandiri kwehupenyu hwose. Asi ndinoenda kumberi, vanga racho rinopora, uye handichabatiri pauri. Ndirwo rudzi rwekuregererwa rwandinotsvaka pandinopora kubva mukukuvadzwa. Zvisinei, kukanganwira handicho chinangwa chikuru. Chinangwa chikuru ndechekuporesa. Kukanganwira mugumisiro wekuporesa. "

Vanasikana vazhinji vasingadiwi vanoona kukanganwirwa sedanho rekupedzisira munzira inoenda kurusununguko. Vanoratidzika sevanonyanya kuisa pfungwa pakukanganwira vanaamai vavo pane kugura ushamwari navo. Mupfungwa, iwe uchiri kubatanidzwa muukama kana ukaramba uchinzwa kutsamwa: kunetseka pamusoro pehutsinye hwakaitwa naamai vako, sei kusaruramisira kuti akazova amai vako pakutanga. Muchiitiko ichi, kukanganwira kunova kuputsa kwakakwana uye kusingadzoreki mukutaurirana.

Asi mumwe mwanasikana akatsanangura musiyano uripo pakati pekuregerera uye kubviswa:

“Handizotendeutsi rimwe dama ndikatambanudza davi remuorivhi (handizofizve). Chinhu chepedyo chekuregerera kwandiri ndechekusununguka kubva munyaya iyi mune imwe pfungwa yechiBuddha. Kugara ndichitsenga pamusoro penyaya iyi kunopisa huropi, uye pandinozvibata ndichifunga nezvazvo, ndinoedza kutarisa pane iripo nguva. Ndinoisa pfungwa pakufema kwangu. Zvakare, uye zvakare, uye zvakare. Nguva zhinji sezvinodiwa. Kuora mwoyo - kufunga nezvekare, kufunganya nezveramangwana. Mhinduro ndeyekuziva kuti uri kurarama nhasi. Tsitsi dzinomisawo huturu hwese, saka ndinofungisisa kuti chii chakaita kuti amai vangu vave seizvi. Asi zvese ndezve pfungwa dzangu. Kukanganwira? Kwete».

Sarudzo yekuregerera amai vako yakaoma, uye zvinonyanya kuenderana nekukurudzira kwako uye zvinangwa zvako.

Ndinowanzobvunzwa kana ndakaregerera amai vangu chaivo. Kwete, handina. Kwandiri, hutsinye hwamaune kuvana hahuregererwi, uye iye ane mhaka zvakajeka nokuda kweizvi. Asi kana chimwe chezvikamu zvekuregererwa chiri kukwanisa kuzvisunungura, saka iyi inyaya yakasiyana zvachose. Chokwadi, handimbofungi nezvaamai vangu kunze kwokunge ndanyora nezvavo. Neimwe nzira, uku ndiko kusunungurwa chaikoiko.