“Kuyera kukosha kwako nezvawakaita ikanganiso huru”

Dzimwe pfungwa dzisiridzo pamusoro pekuti kubudirira chii kwatekeshera munzanga yanhasi. Mumwe munhu akaenda kuHarvard pasina mubvunzo akangwara uye ari nani pane mumwe akapedza kudzidza kubva kuOhio State University. Baba vanogara pamba nevana havabatsiri nzanga semunhu anoshanda mune imwe yemakambani makuru pasi rose. Mukadzi ane 200 vateveri pa Instagram (sangano rakanyanyisa rakarambidzwa muRussia) harina kukosha pane mukadzi ane mamiriyoni maviri.

Iyi pfungwa yekubudirira haisi yekutsausa chete, inokuvadza zvikuru kune avo vanotenda mairi. Ndichishandira bhuku rinonzi The Power of Meaning, ndakataura nevanhu vakawanda vanovaka kuzivikanwa kwavo pahwaro hwedzidzo yavo nebudiriro yebasa.

Kana vakabudirira, vanonzwa kuti havararami pasina - uye vanofara. Asi kana vasingawani miuyo yavaikarira, vanokurumidza kuwira mukuora mwoyo, vachipwiswa nokusakosha kwavo vamene. Kutaura zvazviri, kubudirira uye kubudirira hazvirevi kuva nebasa rinobudirira kana kuti kuva nemari yakawanda inodhura. Zvinoreva kuva munhu akanaka, akachenjera uye ane rupo.

Kukura kwounhu uhwu kunoita kuti vanhu vanzwe vachigutsikana. Izvowo, zvinovabatsira kutarisana nezvinetso noushingi uye kubvuma rufu zvakadzikama. Heano maitiro atinofanira kushandisa kuyera kubudirira—kwedu, vamwe, uye kunyanya vana vedu.

Kufungazve Kubudirira

Zvinoenderana nedzidziso yemukuru wezana ramakore rechi XNUMX nyanzvi yezvepfungwa Eric Erickson, mumwe nemumwe wedu, kuti ararame hupenyu hune chinangwa, anofanirwa kugadzirisa mamwe matambudziko padanho rega rega rebudiriro. Mukuyaruka, somuenzaniso, basa rakadaro rinova kuumbwa kwekuzivikanwa, pfungwa yekuzivikanwa iwe pachako. Chinangwa chikuru chekuyaruka ndechokutanga zvisungo zvepedyo nevamwe.

Mukukura, basa rinonyanya kukosha rinova «generativity», ndiko kuti, chido chekusiya chiratidzo shure kwega, kuita basa rinokosha kunyika ino, kana iri kudzidzisa chizvarwa chitsva kana kubatsira vamwe vanhu kuti vaone zvavanogona.

Achitsanangura izwi rekuti "generativity" mubhuku rinonzi Life Cycle Complete, Eric Erikson anotaura nyaya inotevera. Hama dzakawanda dzakauya kuzoshanyira harahwa yakanga yava kufa. Akarara akavhara maziso, mudzimai wake ndokumuzevezera vose vaiuya kuzomukwazisa. "Uye ndiani," akangoerekana abvunza, achigara pakarepo, "ndiani anotarisira chitoro?" Uyu mutsara unoratidza zvinonyatsorehwa nehupenyu hwevanhu vakuru, hunonzi nemaHindu "kuchengeta runyararo."

Nemamwe mashoko, munhu mukuru anobudirira ndouyo anokurira udyire hwouduku hwomuzvarirwo uye anonzwisisa kuti haisati iri nhau yokuenda nenzira yako umene, asi yokubatsira vamwe, kugadzira chimwe chinhu chitsva uye chinoshanda nokuda kwenyika. Munhu akadaro anozviona sechikamu chetambo huru yehupenyu uye anotsvaka kuichengetedza kune zvizvarwa zvinotevera. Basa iri rinopa chinangwa muupenyu hwake.

Muzvinabhizimusi uye investor Anthony Tian muenzaniso wemunhu anobereka. Asi akanga asiri nguva dzose. Muna 2000, Tian, ​​murume mutsva kubva kuHarvard Business School, akamhanyisa kambani yeInternet masevhisi emadhora zana emamiriyoni inonzi Zefer. Tian aizoendesa kambani kumusika wakashama, uyo waifanirwa kumuunzira purofiti yemhepo.

Asi pazuva chairo iro kambani yakarongerwa kuenda kuruzhinji, iyo Nasdaq yakasangana nekuparara kwayo kukuru munhoroondo. Iyo dot-com bubble, iyo yakaumbwa nekuda kwekukwira kwezvikamu zvemakambani eInternet, yakaputika. Izvi zvakakonzera kugadziridzwazve kwekambani yaTian uye kutenderera katatu kwekudzingwa. Muzvinabhizimisi akanga aparara. Akanzwa anyadziswa uye aora mwoyo.

Mushure mekunge apora kubva mukukundwa, Tian akaziva kuti kunzwisisa kwake kubudirira kwaimutungamirira munzira isina kururama. Shoko rokuti "kubudirira" raiva kwaari zvakafanana nekukunda. Anonyora kuti: "Takaona kubudirira kwedu mumamiriyoni ayo kupa pachena kwezvikamu kwaifanirwa kuunza, uye kwete mune zvitsva zvatakagadzira, kwete mukukanganisa kwavo munyika." Akasarudza kuti yakanga yava nguva yekushandisa mano ake kuti awane zvinangwa zvepamusoro.

Nhasi, Tian anoshanda naye kufemu yekudyara yeCue Bhora, kwaanoedza kurarama zvinoenderana nekunzwisisa kwake kutsva kwekubudirira. Uye anoita seanobudirira zvikuru pazviri. Imwe yemapurojekiti ake aanofarira ndeye MiniLuxe, cheni yezvipikiri salons yaakavamba kusimudza chimiro chebasa rinobhadharwa mari shoma.

Mune network yake, manicure masters anowana zvakanaka uye anogashira mubhadharo wepenjeni, uye mhedzisiro yakanaka inovimbiswa kune vatengi. “Handidi kuti vana vangu vafunge nezvokubudirira panyaya yokukundwa,” anodaro Tian. "Ndinoda kuti vaedze kusununguka."

Ita Chinhu Chinobatsira

MuEricksonian modhi yebudiriro, hunhu hwakapesana nekuzvarwa ndiko kumira, kumira. Kunobatanidzwa nahwo kunzwa kwokusava nechirevo kwoupenyu uye kusabetsera kwomunhu amene.

Munhu anonzwa akabudirira kana achiziva kuti ane basa rinokosha munharaunda yake uye anofarira somunhu oga kubudirira kwayo. Ichi chokwadi chakaonekwa kumashure mu70s nevanovandudza psychologists panguva yemakore gumi ekucherechedza kwevarume makumi mana.

Mumwe wevanodzidza navo, munyori, akanga ari munguva yakaoma mubasa rake. Asi paakagamuchira runhare aine chipo chekudzidzisa kunyora kwekugadzira kuyunivhesiti, akaitora sechisimbiso chekukodzera kwake kwehunyanzvi uye kukosha.

Mumwe mutori wechikamu, akanga asingashandi kwerinopfuura gore panguva iyoyo, akaudza vatsvakurudzi kuti: “Ndinoona madziro asina chinhu pamberi pangu. Ndinonzwa sokuti hapana ane hanya neni. Mufungo wokuti handigoni kugovera zvinodikanwa zvemhuri yangu unondiita kuti ndinzwe sendisina maturo, benzi.”

Mukana wokuva anobatsira wakapa munhu wokutanga chinangwa chitsva muupenyu. Wechipiri haana kuzvionera mukana wakadaro, uye izvi zvakamurwadza zvikuru. Zvamazvirokwazvo, urovha harisi chinetso chezvemari chete. Iri idambudziko riripo zvakare.

Tsvagiridzo inoratidza kuti maspikes muhuwandu hwekushaikwa kwemabasa anowirirana nekukwira kwehuwandu hwekuzviuraya. Apo vanhu vanofunga kuti havakwanisi kuita chimwe chinhu chakakodzera, vanorasikirwa nepasi pasi petsoka dzavo.

Asi basa handiro nzira chete yekubatsira vamwe. John Barnes, mumwe mutori wechikamu muchidzidzo chenguva refu, akadzidza izvi kubva pane zvakaitika. Barnes, purofesa webiology payunivhesiti, aive neshungu uye nyanzvi yakabudirira. Akagamuchira mabhenefiti akakosha seGuggenheim Fellowship, akasarudzwa nemubvumirano kuva sachigaro wechitsauko chenzvimbo cheIvy League, uye aivewo mutevedzeri wedhipatimendi wechikoro chekurapa.

Uye pamusoro pezvose izvozvo, iye, murume akanga achiri mudiki, aizvitora somunhu akakundikana. Akanga asina zvinangwa zvaaizoona zvakakodzera. Uye chaainyanya kufarira "kushanda murabhoritari uye kunzwa senhengo yechikwata" - hapana mumwe munhu, mumashoko ake, "aisada chinhu chakaipa."

Ainzwa kuti airarama nekusaziva. Makore ose aingosundwa nechido chekuda mukurumbira. Uye pamusoro pezvose, aida kuwana mukurumbira semusayendisiti wekirasi yekutanga. Asi zvino akaziva kuti chishuvo chake chokuzivikanwa chaireva kusava namaturo kwomudzimu. “Sezviri pachena, mukati-kati memweya wangu, chimwe chinhu chakanga chisipo, sezvo mvumo yenguva dzose inobva kunze yaidikanwa,” anotsanangura kudaro John Barnes.

Kumunhu wezera repakati nepakati, iyi mamiriro ekusava nechokwadi, kuchinja-chinja pakati pekubereka nekumira, pakati pekutarisira vamwe nekuzvitarisira iwe pachako, ndeyomuzvarirwo. Uye kugadziriswa kwekupokana uku, sekureva kwaErickson, chiratidzo chekubudirira kubudirira panguva ino yezera. Izvo, shure kwezvose, Barnes akadaro.

Apo vatsvakurudzi vakamushanyira makore mashoma gare gare, vakawana kuti akanga asisiri kunangidzira ngwariro pakufambira mberi kwomunhu oga nokuzivikanwa kwavamwe. Panzvimbo pezvo, akawana nzira dzokubetsera nadzo vamwe—kuva anobatanidzwa zvikuru mukurera mwanakomana wake, kuita mabasa ehurumende payunivhesiti, kutarisira vadzidzi vakapedza kufunda murabhoritari yake.

Zvichida basa rake resainzi harizombozivikanwi sechinhu chakakosha, haazombonzi mwenje mumunda wake. Asi akanyorazve nyaya yake akabvuma kuti paive nebudiriro. Akarega kudzingirira mukurumbira. Iye zvino nguva yake yakabatikana nezvinhu zvinodiwa nevaanoshanda navo uye nhengo dzemhuri.

Isu tese takafanana naJohn Barnes. Pamwe hatina nzara yekuzivikanwa uye hatina kufambira mberi zvakanyanya mumabasa edu. Asi vazhinji vedu tine zviroto zvisingaitike. Mubvunzo ndewokuti tinoita sei pakuodzwa mwoyo uku?

Tinogona kugumisa kuti tiri vakundikani uye kuti upenyu hwedu hahuna revo, seizvo Barnes akasarudza pakuvamba. Asi isu tinogona kusarudza imwe tsananguro yebudiriro, iyo inobereka-kushanda chinyararire kuchengetedza zvitoro zvedu zvidiki pasirese uye tichivimba kuti mumwe munhu achazvichengeta kana taenda. Izvo, pakupedzisira, zvinogona kutorwa sekiyi yehupenyu hune chinangwa.