Vakadzi vanodzivirira kodzero yavo yekusurukirwa, vanokoshesa uye vanotambura nekuda kwayo. Chero zvazvingava, vanoona kusurukirwa senyika yekumanikidzwa ... iyo inogona kushandiswa kune yavo mukana.
Mazuva avasikana vakanaka nemhandara dzakaora mwoyo apera. Nguva yebhizimisi Amazons, iyo yakabhadhara nekusurukirwa kwebasa rakabudirira uye nzvimbo yakakwirira, yakapfuurawo.
Nhasi, vakadzi vakasiyana vanowira muchikamu chevasina varume vese: avo vasina kana mumwe, madzishe evarume vakaroora, vanaamai vakarambana, chirikadzi, vakadzi veshavishavi vari kubhururuka kubva kurudo kuenda kurudo ... Vane chimwe chinhu chakafanana: kusurukirwa kwavo kazhinji hakusi mhedzisiro. yesarudzo yekuziva.
Nguva yekusurukirwa inogona kungova kumbomira pakati pemanovhero maviri, kana inogona kugara kwenguva refu, dzimwe nguva hupenyu hwose.
“Hapana chokwadi muupenyu hwangu,” anobvuma kudaro Lyudmila, ane makore 32, mutarisiri wenhau. - Ndinofarira mararamiro andinoita: Ndine basa rinonakidza, shamwari dzakawanda uye vandinozivana navo. Asi dzimwe nguva ndinopedza weekend ndiri pamba ndichizviudza kuti hapana anondida, hapana anondida.
Dzimwe nguva ndinonzwa kufara kubva pakusununguka kwangu, uye zvino kunotsiviwa nekuora mwoyo uye kupererwa. Asi kana mumwe munhu akandibvunza kuti sei ndisina munhu, zvinonditsamwisa, uye ndinodzivirira zvakasimba kodzero yangu yekuve ndoga, kunyange zvazvo ndiri kurota ndichimuonekana naye nokukurumidza sezvinobvira.
Nguva yekutambudzika
“Ndinotya,” anobvuma kudaro Faina, ane makore 38, mubetseri womunhu oga womutungamiriri wacho. "Zvinotyisa kuti zvese zvichaenderera mberi uye hapana achazombonditsigira kusvika ndanyanya kuchembera."
Kutya kwedu kwakawanda inhaka isingatarisirwi yavanamai vedu, vanambuya, uye vanambuya. “Kutenda kwavo kuti mukadzi anonzwa kusurukirwa munguva yakapfuura kwakanga kune hwaro hwemari,” anodaro mumwe muongorori wepfungwa dzemhuri Elena Ulitova. Zvaiva zvakaoma kuti mukadzi azvidyise ega, tisingatauri nezvemhuri yake.
Nhasi, vakadzi vanozvimirira mune zvehupfumi, asi isu tinowanzo ramba tichitungamirirwa nemafungiro echokwadi akadzidzwa muhuduku. Uye isu tinozvibata zvinoenderana nepfungwa iyi: kusuruvara uye kufunganya ndiko kwekutanga, uye dzimwe nguva maitiro edu chete kusurukirwa.
Emma, 33, ave ari oga kwemakore matanhatu; pakutanga aitambudzwa nefunganyo inopfuurira: “Ndinomuka ndiri ndoga, ndinogara ndega nekapu yangu yekofi, handitauri kumunhu upi noupi kutozosvikira ndasvika kubasa. Kunakidzwa kudiki. Dzimwe nguva unonzwa kunge wakagadzirira kuita chero chinhu kuti zvipere. Wobva wajaira."
Rwendo rwekutanga kuenda kuresitorendi nebhaisikopo, zororo rekutanga rega ... kukunda kwakawanda kwakakunda kunyadziswa kwavo uye kunyara.
Nzira yehupenyu iri kuchinja zvishoma nezvishoma, iyo ikozvino yakavakirwa kumativi ose. Asi chiyero pane dzimwe nguva chinotyisidzirwa.
Christina ane makore 45 anoti, “Ndiri ndoga zvakanaka, asi zvinhu zvose zvinochinja kana ndikadanana pasina kuwirirana. “Ipapo ndinotambudzwa nekukahadzika zvakare. Ndichava ndoga nokusingaperi-peri here? Uye sei?"
Unogona kutsvaga mhinduro kumubvunzo wekuti "nei ndiri ndoga?" avo vakakomberedza. Uye tora mhedziso kubva kumashoko akadai: "Pamwe uri kuda zvakanyanya", "Nei usingaendi kumwe?"
Dzimwe nguva vanomutsa mirangariro yokuva nemhaka iyo inowedzerwa no“kunyadziswa kwakavanzika,” maererano naTatyana ane makore 52 okukura: “Zvinobudisa nhau zvinotipa imwe heroine yechiduku semuenzaniso wemukadzi asina murume. Anotapira, akangwara, akadzidza, anoshanda uye ari murudo nekuzvimirira kwake. Asi muchokwadi, hazvina kudaro. "
Upenyu husina mudiwa hune mutengo wahwo: hunogona kusuruvara uye kusaruramisira
Pashure pezvose, mukadzi asina kuroorwa anotyisidzira kugadzikana kwevakaroorana vakapoteredza. Mumhuri, akapiwa basa rekutarisira vabereki vekare, uye kubasa - kuvhara mapeji naye. Muresitorendi, anotumirwa kune tafura yakaipa, uye pazera rekurega basa, kana "murume akwegura" anogona kuramba achikwezva, ipapo "mukadzi wekare" anopera zvachose. Tisingatauri nezvewachi yebhaibheri.
“Ngative vakatendeseka,” anokurudzira kudaro Polina ane makore 39 okukura. - Kusvikira makumi matatu neshanu, iwe unogona kugara zvakanaka kwazvo wega, uchitanga zvinyorwa nguva nenguva, asi zvino mubvunzo wevana unomuka zvakanyanya. Uye takatarisana nechisarudzo: kuva amai vasina murume kana kuti kusatombova nevana.
Kunzwisisa nguva
Iko panguva iyi kuti vamwe vakadzi vanouya kune chisarudzo chekuita ivo pachavo, kuti vawane chikonzero chinovadzivisa kuvaka hukama hurefu. Kazhinji zvinowanzoitika kuti izvi kukuvara kwehuduku. Amai vakadzidzisa varume kuti vasavimbe navo, baba vasipo kana hama dzine rudo zvisingaite...
Hukama hwevabereki hunoita basa guru pano.
Mafungiro emukadzi mukuru wekugara pamwe chete nemudiwa anokonzerwa nemufananidzo wababa vake. “Hakusati kuri kwechienzi kuti baba vave ‘vakashata’ uye amai varombo,” anotsinhira kudaro muongorori weJungian Stanislav Raevsky. "Kuva munhu mukuru, mwanasikana haakwanise kutanga hukama hwakakomba - chero murume kwaari angangomira padivi nababa vake, uye anozozviona semunhu ane njodzi."
Asi zvakadaro, chinhu chikuru ndiyo muenzaniso waamai, psychoanalyst Nicole Fabre anogutsikana: "Ichi ndicho chikonzero chatinovaka pfungwa dzedu pamusoro pemhuri. Mai vacho vaifara here vari vaviri? Kana kuti akatambura here, achititongera (nezita rokuteerera vana) kukundikano uko iye amene akakundikana?
Asi kunyange rudo rwavabereki haruvimbisi mufaro wemhuri: runogona kugadza muenzaniso wakaoma kuwiriranisa, kana kuti kusungira mukadzi kumusha wavabereki vake, zvichiita kuti zvisabvire kuputsa mhuri yake yavabereki.
“Kunze kwezvo, zviri nyore zvikuru uye zviri nyore kugara mumba mababa,” anowedzera kudaro nyanzvi yepfungwa Lola Komarova. — Mukadzi anotanga kutambira uye anozviraramira kuzvifadza, asi panguva imwe cheteyo haana basa nemhuri yake. Kutaura zvazviri, achiri kuyaruka kunyange pa40. " Mutengo wekunyaradza wakakwira - zvakaoma kuti "vasikana vakuru" vagadzire (kana kuchengetedza) mhuri yavo.
Psychotherapy inobatsira kuona zvipingamupinyi zvisingazive zvinokanganisa hukama.
Marina ane makore 30 akasarudza kutora danho iri: “Ndaida kunzwisisa kuti nei ndichiona rudo sokupindwa muropa. Panguva yekurapa, ndakakwanisa kutsungirira ndangariro dzinorwadza dzehutsinye hwaive hwababa vangu, uye kugadzirisa matambudziko angu nevarume. Kubva ipapo, ndinoona kusurukirwa sechipo chandinozvipa. Ini ndinochengeta zvishuwo zvangu uye ndinoramba ndichitaurirana neni, pane kunyungudika kuva mumwe munhu.
Equilibrium nguva
Kana vakadzi vasina kuroorwa vakanzwisisa kuti kusurukirwa hachisi chinhu chavanosarudza, asiwo kwete chimwe chinhu chakavawira vasingadi, asi nguva yavanopa ivo pachavo, vanowanazve kuzviremekedza uye rugare.
“Ndinofunga kuti hatifaniri kubatanidza shoko rokuti ‘kusurukirwa’ nokutya kwedu,” anodaro Daria ane makore 42 okukura. “Iyi inyika ine zvibereko zvisingaite. Izvi zvinoreva kusava wega, asi pakupedzisira kuwana nguva yekuva newe. Uye iwe unofanirwa kuwana chiyero pakati pako chaicho uye chifananidzo chako che "Ini", sezvakaita muhukama isu tiri kutsvaga kuenzana pakati pedu nemumwe wako. Unofanira kuzvida. Uye kuti uzvide iwe, iwe unofanirwa kukwanisa kuzvipa iwe mafaro, kuzvitarisira iwe pachako, pasina kubatanidzwa kune zvishuwo zveumwe munhu.
Emma anoyeuka mwedzi yokutanga yokusurukirwa kwake: “Kwenguva refu ndakatanga mabhuku akawanda, ndichisiya mumwe murume nokuda kwomumwe. Kusvika ndaona kuti ndaimhanyira munhu asipo. Makore matanhatu apfuura ndakaroja imwe imba ndega. Pakutanga zvakanga zvakaoma zvikuru. Ndakaita kunge ndatakurwa necurrent hapana chekuzembera. Ndakaona kuti hapana chandaiziva pamusoro pezvandaida chaizvo. Ndaifanira kuenda kunosangana neni, uye ndizviwane ini - mufaro unoshamisa.
Veronika ane makore 34 okukura anotaura nezvekuva ane rupo kwaari pachake: “Mushure memakore manomwe emuchato, ndakararama makore mana ndisina mudiwa—uye ndakawana mandiri kutya kwakawanda, kuramba, kurwadziwa, kusazvidzivirira kukuru, pfungwa huru yokuva nemhaka. Uye zvakare simba, kutsungirira, mweya wekurwa, zvinoda. Nhasi ndinoda kudzidza kuda uye kudiwa, ndinoda kuratidza mufaro wangu, kuva nerupo ... "
Ndirwo urwu rupo nokubudirana pachena uko avo vane vazivikanwi vakadzi vasina kuroora vakazviwana vamene vanopa ngwariro kwariri: “Upenyu hwavo hunofadza kwazvo zvokuti zvimwe mune nzvimbo mahuri nokuda kwomumwe munhu.”
Nguva yekumirira
Vakadzi vasina varume vanodzikamisa pakati pekusurukirwa-kunakidzwa nekusurukirwa-kutambura. Pamufungo wokusangana nomumwe munhu, Emma anonetseka, kuti: “Ndiri kuomesera varume. Ndine zverudo, asi kana pakaipa, ndinogumisa kufambidzana, nekuti handichatyi kuva ndoga. Zvinotoshamisa ndezvokuti kuva ndoga kwaita kuti ndisanyanya kufunga uye ndive nemusoro. Rudo haisisiri ngano."
Alla, ane makore 39, ava nemakore mashanu asina kuroorwa anoti, “Zvakawanda zveukama hwangu hwekare hwakanga husina kunaka. - Ndakanga ndine zvinyorwa zvakawanda pasina kuenderera mberi, nokuti ndaitsvaga mumwe munhu aizo "ndiponesa". Uye pakupedzisira ndakaona kuti urwu harusi rudo zvachose. Ndinoda humwe hukama huzere nehupenyu uye zvinhu zvakafanana. Ndakasiya zverudo zvandaitsvaga, nekuti pese pandaibuda mavari ndaitorwadziwa. Zvakaoma kurarama pasina unyoro, asi kushivirira kunobhadhara.”
Tarisiro yakadzikama yomukwanyina akakodzera ndiyo inovavarirawo Marianna ane makore 46 okukura: “Ndave ndisina kuroorwa kwaanopfuura makore gumi, uye zvino ndinonzwisisa kuti ndaida uku kusurukirwa kuti ndizviwane. Ini pakupedzisira ndave shamwari kwandiri, uye ini ndinotarisira kwete zvakanyanya kusvika kumagumo ekusurukirwa, asi kuhukama hwechokwadi, kwete fungidziro uye kwete kunyengera.
Vakadzi vakawanda vasina kuroorwa vanosarudza kugara vasina kuroorwa: vanotya kuti havazokwanisi kuisa miganhu nekudzivirira zvavanofarira.
"Vanoda kugamuchira kubva kune mumwe wavo kuyemurwa kwechirume, nekuchengetwa kwaamai, uye kubvumidzwa kwekuzvimirira kwavo, uye pane kupokana kwemukati pano," Elena Ulitova anogovera zvaakaona. "Kana kupokana uku kukagadziriswa, vakadzi vanotanga kuzvitarisa zvakanyanya uye nekutarisira zvavanoda, vobva vasangana nevarume vavanogona kuvaka hupenyu pamwe chete."
“Kusurukirwa kwangu ndekwezvose zviri zviviri kumanikidzirwa uye nokuzvidira,” anobvuma kudaro Margarita ane makore 42 okukura. - Inomanikidzwa, nokuti ndinoda murume muupenyu hwangu, asi nokuzvidira, nokuti ini handingaregi paari nokuda kwemumwe mudiwa. Ndinoda rudo, rwechokwadi uye runako. Uye iyi ndiyo sarudzo yangu: Ini ndinotora njodzi yekuziva yekusasangana nemunhu zvachose. Ini ndinozvibvumira iyi yakasarudzika: kuve ndichida muhukama hwerudo. Nekuti ndinokodzera."