“Ndiri mwana wekurerwa, handizivi kwandinobva. Ndakasiirwei? Ndakatambudzwa here? Ndini mhedzisiro yemakunakuna here, yekubatwa chibharo? Vakandiwana mumugwagwa here? Ndinongoziva kuti ndakaiswa munzvimbo inochengetwa nherera yeBombay, ndisati ndauya kuFrance ndine gore. Vabereki vangu vakaita iri gomba dema kuva ruvara, vachindipa tarisiro norudo. Asi rima zvakare. Nokuti rudo rwatinowana handirwo rwatinotarisira.
Pakutanga, ndisati ndaenda kuchikoro chepuraimari, upenyu hwangu hwaifadza. Ndainge ndakakomberedzwa, ndichiyeverwa, ndichiyemurwa. Kunyange zvazvo dzimwe nguva ndaitsvaka kufanana nababa kana kuti amai vangu pasina, mufaro wedu wezuva nezuva woupenyu waipfuura mibvunzo yangu. Uyezve, chikoro chakandishandura. Akaita kuti kufunganya kwangu kuve unhu hwangu. Kureva, hyper-attachment yangu kune vanhu vandakasangana navo yakava nzira yekuve. Shamwari dzangu dzakatambura nazvo. Shamwari yangu yepamoyo, yandakachengeta kwemakore gumi, yakaguma yava kundifuratira. Ndakanga ndiri exclusive, hari yenamo, ndaiti ndini ndega uye, zvakatoipisisa, handina kubvuma kuti vamwe vanosiyana neni nenzira yavanoratidza nayo hushamwari hwavo. Ndakaona kuti kutya kusiiwa kwaigara mandiri.
Ndichiri kuyaruka, ndakasuwa rudo rwomukomana panguva ino. Kuzivikanwa kwangu kwakange kwakasimba kupfuura chero chinhu uye ndakatanga kunzwa hurwere zvakare. Ndakapindwa muropa nezvokudya, semushonga. Amai vangu vakanga vasina mashoko okundibatsira, kana kuonana pedyo zvakakwana. Akanga ari kuderedza. Kwakanga kuri mukufunganya here? Handizive. Zvirwere izvi zvaimuitira iye, zviya zvekuyaruka. Uye kutonhora uku kwakandirwadza. Ndakada kubuda ndega nekuti ndainzwa kuti macalls angu aitorwa semadiro. Ndakafunga nezverufu uye yaisava fungidziro yepwere. Sezvineiwo, ndakaenda kunoona magnetizer. Nekusashanda pandiri, ndakaona kuti dambudziko rakanga risiri rekurerwa nevabereki vasiri vavo, asi kutanga kundisiya.
Kubva ipapo, ndakafunga maitiro angu ese ekunyanyisa. Kuzvipira kwangu, kwakadzika midzi mandiri, kwakandiyeuchidza kakawanda kuti ndaisagona kudiwa kwenguva refu uye kuti zvinhu hazvina kugara. Ndakanga ndaongorora, hongu, uye ndaizokwanisa kuita uye kuchinja hupenyu hwangu. Asi pandakapinda munyika yebasa, dambudziko raivapo rakandibata. Ukama hwangu nevarume hwakandipedza simba pane kundiperekedza ndokuita kuti ndikure. Ambuya vangu vandaida vakafa, uye ndaisuwa rudo rwavo rukuru. Ndakanzwa kusurukirwa zvikuru. Nyaya dzese dzandaive nadzo nevarume dzakabva dzangopera, ndikasara ndiine shungu dzekusiiwa. Kuteerera kune zvaanoda, nekuremekedza rhythm uye tarisiro yemumwe wake, raive dambudziko rakanaka, asi kwandiri zvakaoma kuita. Kusvikira ndasangana naMathias.
Asi zvisati zvaitika, pakanga paine rwendo rwangu rwekuIndia, rwakaitika senguva yakakosha: Ndaigara ndichifunga kuti raiva danho rinokosha pakuzogadzirisa mararamiro angu ekare. Vamwe vakandiudza kuti rwendo urwu rwakanga rwakashinga, asi ndaifanira kuona chokwadi pachiso, ipapo. Saka ndakadzokera kumusha wenherera. Imbama yakadini! Hurombo, kusaenzana zvakandikurira. Pandakangoona kamwe kasikana mumugwagwa, kakabva kandiudza chimwe chinhu. Kana kuti kune mumwe munhu ...
Reception pamusha wenherera wakafamba zvakanaka. Zvakandiitira zvakanaka kuzviudza kuti nzvimbo yacho yakanga yakachengetedzeka uye inogamuchirwa. Zvakandibvumira kuti nditore nhanho. Ndaive ndavepo. Ndaiziva. Ndakanga ndaona.
Ndakasangana naMathias muna 2018, panguva yandaive ndinowanikwa mupfungwa, pasina kukoshesa kana kutsoropodza. Ndinotenda mukutendeseka kwake, mukugadzikana kwake mupfungwa. Anotaura zvaanonzwa. Ndakanzwisisa kuti tinogona kuzvitaura kunze kwemashoko. Pamberi pake, ndaiva nechokwadi chokuti zvinhu zvose zvaizokundikana. Ndinovimbawo naye sababa vemwana wedu. Takakurumidza kubvumirana nechishuvo chokutanga mhuri. Mwana haasi tsindiro, haauye kuzozadza gap repfungwa. Ndakabata pamuviri nekukurumidza. Nhumbu yangu yakatowedzera kundinetsa. Ndaitya kusawana nzvimbo yangu saamai. Pakutanga, ndakagoverana zvakawanda nevabereki vangu. Asi kubvira paakazvarwa mwanakomana wangu, chisungo chedu chave pachena: ndinomudzivirira pasina kumudzivirira. Ndinofanira kuva naye, kuti isu tiri vatatu tiri mububble.
Mufananidzo uyu, ndichiri nawo, uye handisi kuzoukanganwa. Anondirwadza. Ndakazviona ndiri panzvimbo yake. Asi mwanakomana wangu achave nehupenyu hwake, husina parasiti kupfuura hwangu ndinovimba, nekutya kusiiwa uye kusurukirwa. Ndinonyemwerera, nekuti ndine chokwadi chekuti zvakanakisa zvichauya, kubva pazuva ratinozvifunga.
Uchapupu uhu hwakatorwa mubhuku "Kubva pakusiiwa kusvika pakurerwa", naAlice Marchandeau.
Kubva pakusiiwa kusvika pakurerwa, pane nhanho imwe chete, iyo dzimwe nguva inogona kutora makore akati wandei kuti iite. Vakaroorana vanofara vakamirira mwana, uye, kune rumwe rutivi, mwana ari kungomirira kuti mhuri izadziswe. Kusvikira panguva iyoyo, mamiriro acho akanaka. Asi ikoko hakusati kwaizova kunonyengera here? Kukuvara kunokonzerwa nokusiiwa kunopora zvakaoma. Kutya kusiiwa zvakare, kunzwa kuiswa parutivi ... Munyori, mwana wekurerwa, anotipa pano kuti tione zvakasiyana-siyana zvehupenyu hwekukuvadzwa, kusvika pakudzoka kune zvitubu, munyika yekwakabva mwana, uye mhirizhonga iyo izvi zvinosanganisira. Iri bhuku zvakare chiratidzo chakasimba chekuti kushungurudzika kwekusiiwa kwakakundwa, kuti zvinokwanisika kuvaka hupenyu, hwemagariro, hwepfungwa, rudo. Uchapupu uhu hunopomerwa manzwiro, ayo achataura kumunhu wese, kutora kana kutorwa.
NaAlice Marchandeau, ed. Vanyori Vemahara, € 12, www.les-auteurs-libres.com/De-l-abandon-al-adoption