Tiri kutarisira mwana… Kunyange kana pamuviri parongwa uye panotarisirwa, murume anowanzoshamiswa nechiziviso. ” Izvi ndakazvidzidza mamwe manheru pandakasvika kumba. Ndakashamisika. Handina kuzvitenda ... kunyangwe taitarisira nguva iyi Anodaro Benjamin. Muvanhu, chido chokuva nomwana hachiwanzoonekwi chinenge chichingoitika. Kazhinji mumwe wake ndiye anotanga kutaura nezvazvo uye, kana achinzwa akagadzirira, murume anoomerera kune iyi purojekiti yemwana. Izvo zvinoitikawo kuti mukadzi anomisa chisarudzo uye pakupedzisira anogamuchira chishuwo chewaakaroorana naye, kunyanya nekuda kwezera rekukura. Pfungwa yokuti achava nomwana inomutsa mirangariro yakawanda mumurume, kazhinji kazhinji inopokanidzana, zvose zviri zviviri pamusoro pake nomudzimai wake.
Kutanga, anofara, anobayiwa mwoyo, kunyange kana asingatyi kuzvitaura zvakanyanyisa. Ipapo anodada nekuziva kuti anogona kubereka: kuwanikwa kwepamuviri kunowanzo kunzwika sechisimbiso chehuviri hwake. Anonzwa achisimbiswa mukukosha kwake somurume. Baba vamangwana, anoswedera pedyo nababa vake, iye achava akaenzana naye uye anomupa nzvimbo itsva, iyo yasekuru. Anoda kufanana naye here kana kuti kubva pa "mufananidzo wababa" uyu? Mufananidzo unopa mubayiro uchaita kuti ade kuswedera pedyo. Asi anogonawo kuvimba nevamwe vanababa: babamunini, mukoma, shamwari, nezvimwe. " Baba vangu vakanga vakaoma musoro, vakaoma musoro. Pataitarisira mwana, ndakabva ndafunga nezvemhuri yeshamwari yepedyo, yababa vake vane ushamwari uye vanosetsa ”, Pauro anotiudza.
Kubva kumurume kuenda kuna baba
Munhu anoziva nezvechinjo dziri kuuya, achawana kuva baba, kunzwa kwomutoro (“Ndichakwanisa here?”), Kuchiperekedzwa nomufaro mukuru. Vafambidzani, shamwari dzimwe nguva vanonyevera: " Uchaona kuti kurera mwana kwakaoma sei. "" Rusununguko rwapera, chisarai mabudiro asingatarisirwe. Asi vamwe vanowana mashoko acho achikurudzira, vanoziva nzira yokutaura nayo mirangariro yakaitika mukati mokuberekwa kwomwana wavo uye mufaro wavanawo mukutarisira vana vavo. Kudada kwemurume nepfungwa yekuva nemwana kunoita kuti anzwe kuyemura kwemukadzi wake, kuzivikanwa, unyoro. Asi panguva imwecheteyo, mukadzi uyu achava amai anongoerekana aita zvakasiyana kwaari: anonzwa kuti ari kuva mumwe - iye akarurama, uyezve - munhu waachazofanira kuwanazve. Kushatirwa uye kushaya simba kwemumwe wake zvinomushamisa, angave achitya kunzwa achiremerwa nemanzwiro aanonzwa, mwana asati aberekwa ari pamwoyo wekukurukurirana.
Paternity haizvarwe pazuva chairo, inokonzeresa nzira inoenda kubva pakuda uyezve kubva pakutanga kwemimba kusvika pakuzvarwa uye kuvakwa kwehukama nemwana. Munhu haanzwe nhumbu mumuviri wake asi mumusoro nemumoyo make; kusanzwa mwana achikura munyama yake, mwedzi nemwedzi, hazvimutadzise kugadzirira kuva baba.
Nguva yekugadzirisa
Zvisungo zverudo zvinoshanduka, chido chepabonde chinoshanduka. Varume vanogona kunzwa kuvhiringidzika nekuda kwezvino uye kunetseka nezveramangwana. Vamwe vanotya kurwadzisa mwana panguva yebonde. Zvisinei, kutya kusina hwaro. Vamwe vanofunga kuti mumwe wavo ari kure uye havanzwisise chikonzero nei. Panguva yekuzvitakura, mukadzi anogona kunge aine chido chakaderera, kana kutora zvakanyanya kana zvishoma kushanduka kwemuviri wake. Zvakakosha kuti vaviri vacho vatore nguva yekutaura nezvazvo, kuti vataure ivo pamusoro pekushanduka kwehukama hwerudo. Mumwe nomumwe anofanira kuteerera kune mumwe.
Baba dzimwe nguva vanovhiringidzwa nechisungo chakaropafadzwa chinoumbwa pakati pomudzimai wavo nomwana asati aberekwa, vanotya kunzwa vasingadiwi. Vamwe varume vanovanda muhupenyu hwavo hwehunyanzvi, nzvimbo iyo kugona kwavo kunozivikanwa, kwavanonzwa vakasununguka uye izvo zvinovabvumira kukanganwa zvishoma nezve nhumbu uye mwana. Vanaamai vanotarisira kazhinji vane intuition yekunzwa uku uye vanorega mumwe wavo atore nzvimbo yaanoda kutora. Vamwe varume vari kutyira utano hwevadzimai vavo, kazhinji zvikuru kupfuura ivo vamene, vose vane zvinetso zviri pamwana. Vanonzwa vachizvidavirira kana kuti vasingabatsiri pane zvingaitika kwaari. Kunyange kana asinganzwi kutya uku, baba vanoona kuti, mune zvenyama, hupenyu huchachinja: mapurojekiti haachazovi maviri asi matatu, mamwe anotove asingagoneki - kunyanya pakutanga. Uye murume anonzwa ane mutoro zvikuru nokuda kweiri sangano idzva sezvo mudzimai wake kazhinji kazhinji achida tsigiro yake, tsitsi dzake, kuti anotora nhanho dzokutanga.
Mirangariro yababa vamangwana inosiyana naizvozvo, uye sezviri pachena inopokanidzana : ane pfungwa yezvisungo zvake zvitsva uye anotya kuiswa parutivi; anonzwa achisimbiswa mukukosha kwake somurume panguva imwe cheteyo sezvo ane murangariro wokusava namaturo nokuona mudzimai wake; anonetseka nezvehutano hwemumwe wake uye dzimwe nguva anoda kukanganwa kuti ane pamuviri; pamberi pake anoita seavhundutswa achinzwa kuti ari kuva nechivimbo, kuti ari kukura. Aya maitiro akanyanya kusimba sezvo uyu ari mwana wekutanga, sezvo zvese zviri zvitsva, zvese zvinofanirwa kuwanikwa. Newechipiri, mwana wechitatu… vanababa vanonzwawo kunetseka asi vanorarama nguva iyi nerunyararo.
“Zvakanditorera vhiki kuti ndipedze. Ndakaramba ndichiti kumukadzi wangu: unechokwadi here? ” Gregory.
“Ndini ndakatanga kuziva. Mudzimai wangu akarwadziwa zvakanyanya, akandikumbira kuti ndiverenge bvunzo. ” Erwan.
Nguva yekusagadzikana kwevamwe madzibaba
Kutarisira mwana ndiko kukanganisa kwakadaro zvokuti vamwe varume vanoratidza fragility yavo nenzira dzakasiyana-siyana: kusagadzikana kwehope, kusagadzikana kwekudya, kuwedzera. Nhasi tinoziva nokuteerera vanababa, kunyanya vari mumapoka anotaura, kuti zvavanofunga hazviwanzofuratirwi nokuti havawanzozvitaura. Nguva zhinji matambudziko aya anopera uye zvese zvinodzokera kune zvakajairika kana vaviri vacho vachigona kutaura nezvazvo uye munhu wese awana nzvimbo yake. Asi, kana vakave vanonyadzisa hupenyu hwezuva nezuva, usazeza kuudza nyanzvi. Kuziviswa kwepamuviri dzimwe nguva kunogona kuita kuti vakaroorana "vaparadzane" uye kuita kuti murume abve pamba yewanano pakarepo uye nokukurumidza. Vamwe varume vanogona kuzotaura kuti vakanga vasina kugadzirira, kana kuti vakanzwa vabatwa nekutya. Vamwe vane nhau dzouhwana dzinorwadza, yeuko dzababa vane masimba masimba kana kuti vasina rudo kana kuti vasipo zvikuru, uye vanotya kuberekazve maratidziro mamwe chetewo, miitiro yakafanana neyababa vavo vamene.
Ichi chinyorwa chakatorwa kubva mubhuku rereferensi raLaurence Pernoud: 2018)
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