Toks, narts, vanokanganisa: kuti mutauro mutsva wesocial network unokanganisa sei kushungurudzika kwedu

Ma social network akatipa mukana kwete chete wekutaura nevaimbodzidza navo uye hama dzekumaruwa, asiwo wekuwana mapoka evanofarira nekungobaya kamwe chete. Icho chiratidzo chenguva dzedu kuti kune akawanda mapoka ekutsigira avo vakatambura muhukama hwerudo. Vane mitemo yavo yekukurukurirana, uye kazhinji yakasimba, uye kunyange slang yavo pachavo.

Nekujoinha rimwe remapoka aya, iwe zvechokwadi uchagamuchira rutsigiro uye tsitsi. Asi kuva muboka kwoga kunogona kutiporesa pamaronda endangariro anogamuchirwa somuuyo wenhau dzorudo here? Uye vatori vechikamu vemutauro vanoshandisa sei vanovabatsira kutsungirira kushungurudzika, asi panguva imwe chete uye dzimwe nguva kutadzisa kukura kwemunhu?

Pamasherufu

Kupinda mutsara wekuti "kutsveyamiswa narcissist" mubhari yekutsvaga, tinowana yakawanda yezvinyorwa zvakadzama zvine maitiro evanhu vakadaro. Uye kazhinji rondedzero idzi dzinosiyana kubva kune mumwe nemumwe, sekunge tiri kutaura nezvevanhu vakasiyana. Pane chinhu chakadai se "narcissus yakatsveyamiswa" mune zvepamutemo psychology? Uye shoko rokuti “kukanganisa” rinorevei chaizvoizvo?

“Sezvakadaro, hapana pfungwa ye“narcissist yakatsveyama” mune zvesainzi zvepfungwa,” inodaro nyanzvi yepfungwa inoshanda Anastasia Dolganova. - Otto Kernberg, uyo nhasi anogona kunzi ndiye anonyanya kukosha muongorori we narcissism uye baba vemutauro wesainzi umo chiitiko ichi chinotsanangurwa, ane mazwi ekuti "benign narcissism" uye "yakaipa narcissism."

Narcissism yakaipa, kusiyana neine narcissism yakaoma, yakaoma kugadzirisa uye inofambira mberi. Munhu ari kurwara nazvo anonyumwira zvakanyanya, uye zvinouya kune delirium: "Uri kuita zvese kuti ndinzwe zvakanyanya." Mukuronza kwakashata, vanhu vane tsika yokuzvikuvadza kuti varange vamwe, kunyange kusvika pakuzviuraya. Vanhu vakadaro vanozivikanwa nokusavimbika uye kusuruvara chaiko, kunoratidzwa muchimiro chehasha uye kukunda kwokuzvidza kunonangidzirwa kune mumwe munhu.

Rudzi urwu rwenarcissism runongoratidzwa seyakashata (kubva pashoko rokuti "kutsveyamisa" - kukanganisa, kukanganisa). Kushata mukunarcissism yakaipa ndiyo tsika, zvisinei nekusaziva, yekushandura yakanaka kuita yakaipa kuburikidza nekutaura uye maitiro. Nechitarisiko charwo, rudo runoshanduka kuva ruvengo, kunaka kuva uipi, simba kuva kusava namaturo.

Nokudaro, kushata ndechimwe chezvimiro zve narcissism yakaipa: chirwere chakakomba chinokanganisa kushanda, hutano, uye hukama.

Asi vangani vanhu vane zvimiro zvakafanana vari pedyo nesu? Kana kuti izvi ndizvo zvakasarudzika pane mutemo?

"Nyoro yakashata haiwanzo kuwanikwa, kunyanya mukuonana kwemazuva ese: mararamiro ayo vanhu vane narcissism yakashata angangoita kuti vaende kuchipatara, kuiswa mujeri kana kufa," anotsanangura kudaro Anastasia Dolganova.

Padanho

"Kuti uwane tsananguro yakazara yemutauro wesainzi wenarcissism, zvakakodzera kuunza izwi rekuti" mwero wekushanda kwehunhu," nyanzvi yepfungwa inokurudzira. - Aya mazinga akasiyana: neurotic, borderline uye psychotic. Ivo vanosiyana kubva kune mumwe kune mwero wekuomarara kwekutyorwa uye mwero wekuchinjirwa kwemunhu kune kunze kwenyika.

Vanhu vane neurotic chimiro vanowanzoita zvine musoro, vanokwanisa kuzviparadzanisa ivo nemanzwiro avo kubva kune avo vakavapoteredza uye manzwiro avo, uye kazhinji vanorarama "muchokwadi". Havazivikanwi nemaitiro asina kukwana uye kufunga. Neurotic vanhu vanoedza kuvandudza hukama nenyika uye nevamwe uye vanokwanisa (dzimwe nguva kunyange zvakanyanya) zvekuzvishora.

Iyo psychotic level yehunhu inoratidzwa nekurasikirwa kwekuzivikanwa, kushaikwa kwekubatana neicho chaicho. Tichiri pazviri, hatigoni kuzvishora. Psychosis, kufunga kusina musoro uye maitiro, delirium - zvose izvi zvinogona kuva, kwenguva, kunyange zvisingaonekwi nevamwe. Zvisinei, kuparadzwa kwemukati, kusarongeka kweunhu kunozviratidza muupenyu hwomunhu nenzira dzakasiyana.

Muganho wemuganhu wehutano hwemunhu isarudzo yepakati pakati pe psychotic uye neurotic. "Varidzi" vayo vanokandwa kubva kune imwe yakanyanyisa kuenda kune imwe. Pasinei nokuti "varindi vemuganhu" vane matambudziko nekuzivikanwa, vanoziva kuti iripo. Havatamburi nekunyengerwa uye kuona zvinhu zvisingaoneki uye vanoramba vachionana nechokwadi, asi havagoni kunyatsoziva zviri kuitika kwavari.

"Maitiro ekukanganisa chokwadi achazviratidza pamatanho ese, asi kutsveyama kunoratidza kudzika muganhu uye kushanda kwepfungwa," anowedzera Anastasia Dolganova.

Zita hanzvadzi!

Isu tinoziva kuti kuongororwa kunogona kuitwa chete nachiremba anotaurirana nemurwere. Zvisinei, nhengo mbiri dzemapoka ekutsigira uye nyanzvi dzepfungwa dzinowanzoita "kuongororwa ne avatar." Kunge, iwe unodei, iye zvechokwadi narcissist. Asi zvinobvira here kuziva kubva murondedzero kuti mumwe munhu ane hosha yohunhu, inotungamirirwa bedzi nerondedzero pfupi?

"Chete nezviratidzo zvekunze - kwete, nekutarisa kwakazara kwemaitiro, kutaura, zviito, nhoroondo yehupenyu - hongu, asi hazvisi nyore," anodaro Anastasia Dolganova. "Iko zvino tave pamusoro pemukurumbira we narcissism, uye saka zvese zvinotaridzika zvinorwadza, zvisina kukwana kana zvinoparadza zvinonzi" narcissism.

Muchokwadi, kune zvakawanda zvehunhu uye zvimwe zvinokanganisa pfungwa. Uye mumwe nomumwe wavo, pamuganhu waro kana psychotic level, anounza matambudziko akawanda kuhukama. Kune schizoid, paranoid, kuora mwoyo uye manic mavara, hysteria uye zvichingodaro. Murapi wepfungwa anoshandisa maturusi akagadzirirwa kuongororwa, uye ruzivo rwake runomubvumira kusiyanisa chirwere kubva kune chimwe. Kuongororwa kwakadaro kwakakosha, nekuti kusagadzikana kwehunhu kwakasiyana kune maitiro akasiyana, uye, maererano, nzira dzakasiyana dzekubatsira. "

Ko chiremba wako wepfungwa, tisingatauri nezve "vaanoshanda navo" muboka rekutsigira, vanogona kuona kana mumwe wako ari narcissist kana kwete? "Nebasa rakaoma kudaro rekuongorora, hazvina kunaka uye hazvina basa kuti nyanzvi yepfungwa itaure nezve narcissism kure. Asi, murapi anogona kuona kuti zviri kutsanangurwa nemutengi zvakafanana nehunhu hwemudiwa, uye taura zvishoma nezve izvo.

Mukuru uye akanaka

Pane imwe pfungwa yokuti mutsigiri anenge ari munhu asina hanya uye asinganzwisisi zvachose kuti ari kukuvadza mumwe munhu nemaitiro ake. Ndizvo here?

"Unhu hwekunarcissistic hune mamwe matambudziko nekunzwira tsitsi. Hunhu hwechirwere chenarcissistic kuzvida kwakanangana nekwauri,” anotsanangura kudaro Anastasia Dolganova. -Yakatenderedza inofarira munhu akadai seyavo maratidziro kana mabasa, uye kwete sevanhu vakaparadzana vanonzwa manzwiro ayo narcissist pachake asingaone. Nekudaro, padanho rekuita neurotic, hunhu hwenarcissistic hunokwanisa kukudziridza tsitsi: zvinouya nezera, ruzivo, kana kurapwa.

Dzimwe nguva vanhu vakanaka vanoita zvakaipa. Izvi zvinoreva here kuti ivo vanarcissists uye sociopaths? Pane ngozi ipi neipi here mukuderedza hunhu hwose hwomunhu kusvika kuumwe hwakashata?

"Nezvevanhu nezviito zvavo, zviri nani, mumaonero angu, kushandisa mazwi ehutano hwekushanda kwemunhu," inodaro nyanzvi. Chiito chakashata chaicho chinogona kuitwa nemunhu ane chero rudzi rwehunhu, ari pamuganhu kana psychotic level yekushanda. Neurotics haiwanzo kuita zvinhu zvakaipa chaizvo. Uye kutaura, semuenzaniso, kuti "iye munhu akanaka, asi anoshinha nevana" hazvina musoro!

Nhau yehupenyu hwemunhu, umo mune kudzokororwa kutyora mutemo, zviito zvisina tsika, kuparadzwa kwehukama, kusingaperi kushanduka kwebasa, haisi nyaya yenarcissism seyakadaro, asi pamusoro pemuganhu wepamuganhu wehutano hwesangano - zvichida muganhu we narcissism.

Toxic for life

Izwi rokuti "chepfu ukama" rakauya kwatiri munguva pfupi yapfuura. Kugovera kwayo kune imwe isingarambiki kuwedzera: ikozvino isu tinogona kuzivisa zviri nyore kuti tiri muhukama hwedambudziko pasina kupinda mune zvese. Nekudaro, zvinoita sekunge tiri kuyedza kubatanidza zvese mune iyi pfungwa. Nerubatsiro rwayo, vanotsanangura nyaya mbiri dzechisimba chaidzo, uye zviitiko apo mudiwa, nekuda kwehunhu hwake, haazive matauriro ake kana kuita zvechisimba. Uye naizvozvo izwi racho pacharo rinoita serakapararira uye zvino ratora nzvimbo inoganhurwa chete nemafungiro edu pachedu.

"Toxic relationships" ishoko repfungwa dzakakurumbira, kazhinji harishandiswe musainzi yepamutemo, anotsanangura Anastasia Dolganova. - Yakaonekwa mushure mekushandurwa kwebhuku raSusan Forward "Toxic Parents" muchiRussia. Bhuku rinorondedzera ukama hwakadaro pakati pomwana nomubereki, umo hwaro hwoukama mumhuri, panzvimbo porudo netsigiro, ibasa, kuedza kunodzokororwa kunyadziswa, kushandiswa, kunyadziswa, uye kupomera.

Ukama hune chepfu, mupfungwa yakati, iukama hwokushungurudzwa mupfungwa umo mwana anoda asi asingamudi. Kune hukama hwevakuru vaviri, izwi harina kutaridzika chaizvo: mushure mezvose, hapana basa uye kudikanwa kwekuve pedyo neanokukuvadza. Hapana mutsauko pachimiro cheMunhu Mukuru (ane mutoro) — Mwana (asina mhosva akabatwa).

Saka zvakakosha here kudana chero hukama hune chepfu umo isu tinonzwa takashata nekuda kwechimwe chikonzero, kana isu tichitaura nezve vanhu vakura? Kana kuti zviri nani kuedza kudzivirira zvitambi uye kunzwisisa mamiriro chaiwo?

“Kuti, ‘Yaiva ukama hune chepfu’ kutaura chaizvoizvo zvinotevera: ‘Akanga akaipa, uye ndakatambura naye. Kutaura kuti "hukama uhwu hwakanga hwakashata" zvinoreva kuti usaramba kuzvibvunza mibvunzo inokosha pamusoro pezvikonzero nemigumisiro yezvakaitika," nyanzvi yezvepfungwa ndeyechokwadi. “Vanhu vakaipa vanoitika, ichokwadi. Ndinotenda kuti kunzwisisa uye kuziva iri ndiro basa guru revanhu venguva yedu. Asi dambudziko rehukama hwakaipa hwakadzama kupfuura chokwadi ichi chisingarambiki. Zvitambi hazvifanirwe kutitadzisa kuongorora hupenyu hwedu uye psyches.

Mazwi matsva, hurongwa hutsva

Kune avo vanokurukurwa mumapoka ekutsigira, mutauro wavo unogadzirwa: "toks" (vanhu vane chepfu), "narcis" (daffodils), "stumps" (daffodils yakatsveyamiswa). Mashoko matsva aya ndeechii? Tichazvibatsira sei kana tikapa nenzira yakati zita remadunhurirwa rokuzvidza kune akatikuvadza?

“Ndinofunga kuti uku kuedza kuzvidza uyo akatiparira kutambura. Devaluation ndeimwe yenzira dzekudzivirira dzinodiwa apo manzwiro atinosangana nawo akanyanya kusimba uye isu hatina unyanzvi hunodiwa hwekutarisana navo zvizere, anodaro Anastasia Dolganova. “Pamusoro pazvo, ukama nomunhu ane utsinye hunomutsa manzwiro akasimba akawanda: kurwadziwa, kutsamwa, mhosva uye kunyara, kusava nesimba, kuvhiringidzika, kazhinji kusuruvara kwavo uye kukunda. Izvi zvinomutsa mibvunzo yakawanda kumunhu pamusoro pekuita nayo iye zvino - zvose muukama nemumwe uye muukama naye.

Uye havasi vese vakagadzirira kutarisana nemibvunzo iyi pakarepo mushure mekupinda mumamiriro ezvinhu anoshungurudza. Izvo zvakafanana zvinoitika mukurapa: kushanda nemutengi akawana hukama hwakadaro, nyanzvi inoedza kumutsigira, kumunzwira tsitsi.

Sei iko zvino mapoka akazvitsaurira ku "stumps", "toxes" uye marudzi ose e "vanokanganisa" anozivikanwa zvikuru? Hatina kumbosangana nazvo here?

"Perverznik" mufananidzo wakakurumbira uye wakanyanya dhimoni, - Anastasia Dolganova anotenda. - Iye ane stereotypical semifananidzo, semuenzaniso, yehysterics, iyo yainzi munhu wese mumutsara munguva yaFreud. Kunze kwe psychology, mifananidzo yakafanana iripo zvakare: suffragettes pakupera kwezana ramakore rechi XNUMX, macommunist muXNUMX. Kutaura zvazviri, iyi inzira yechinyakare yekuziva vamwe.

"Perverznik" chiratidzo chenguva yedu. Nhasi, nzanga iri kuyedza kuziva nekutsanangura kushungurudzwa, mhirizhonga, chepfu muhukama uye kugadzira mitemo mitsva yekutonga kwavo. Zvakajairika kuti isu titange nemifananidzo yechinyakare - sevana vanounzwa ku cubes nemapiramidhi. Ichi chifananidzo chiri kure neicho chakaoma, asi chakatofanana nacho.

Chii chinopotsa munhu, anotarisa paunhu hwemumwe wake uye anotsanangura zviito zvake neseti yeunhu huri mune imwe? Pane here mapofu aasingaone mune vamwe kana maari?

"Mapofu ari mumufananidzo uyu ane chekuita nehunhu hwacho pachahwo, uye hukama hwekunarcissistic, uye nyajambwa wenarcissist," nyanzvi yepfungwa inopa zano. “Iyi mibvunzo yakaoma, mhinduro dzauchazotsvaga kana uchida kushandura nzira yekutaurirana nevamwe. Somuenzaniso, chii chinonzi narcissism? Ko ma narcissists ndiwo ega anoparadza here? Ndeapi mamiriro ezvinhu apo narcissism inowedzera, pasi pemamiriro api ayo inoderera?

Mwana anorerwa sei, kuti hunhu hwake hwakamonyaniswa munzira iyi? Chii chinoitika muukama hwenarcissistic? Sei ndiine murume anohura, mwana anonyomba, vasikana venarcissistic, uye vandinoshanda navo? Ndine narcissism mandiri, uye kana zvakadaro, inozviratidza sei? Nei ndichifarira munhu anondiitira zvakaipa? Sei ndisingakwanisi kubva? Nei upenyu hwangu husina kuzova nani pashure pokunge kudanana kwapera?”

Tichakwanisa kuwana mhinduro kana tikachinja tarisiro kubva kunze kuenda mukati, kubva kune watinofambidzana naye kana kuziva kwatinoenda isu.

"Kuderedza mudiwa neanozvidza newspeak inzira iri nyore yekudzivisa kurwadziwa," nyanzvi yepfungwa inopedzisa. “Kuburikidza nemanzwiro akanyanyisa uye mamiriro ezvinhu, achatibatsira chaizvo kukunda. Mushure mezvose, chirevo chemaitiro akareruka anonyatso kubatsira mumamiriro ezvinhu akanyanyisa (somuenzaniso, kana iwe uchida kusarudza kuputsa ukama nemunhu anosuruvarisa). Asi havana budiriro yebudiriro.

Dzokororo ndimai vekudzidza?

Mapoka anokurukura nezve «vanotsveyamisa» uye «muchetura» azere nevanhu vakanyatsoona nyaya dzinotyisa. Vakawanda vavo vanoda chaizvo kubatsirwa. Uye zviri munyaya ye "rubatsiro rwekutanga" kuti nharaunda dzakadaro dzakanaka kwazvo pakuzviratidza.

“Mapoka ekutsigira ane basa rakakosha: anopa munhu mukana wekufambisa zviri kuitika kwaari. Vanomutsigira munguva dzakaoma zvikurusa dzoupenyu hwake,” anotsanangura kudaro nyanzvi yendangariro. - Sezvandambotaura pamusoro apa, nzira dzinoshandiswa pakutsigirwa kwakadaro dzinofanira kunge dziri nyore sezvinobvira, dzekare, nokuti munhu ari mumamiriro ezvinhu anotyisa haakwanisi kushandisa zvishandiso zvakaoma. Nokudaro - kuita dhimoni, kurerutsa, kubvisa mibvunzo isingakoshi nemifungo: "wakanaka - wakaipa."

Pane manzwiro ekuti mabhendi aya anopa tariro yenhema: Ndichangodzokorora nyaya yangu kakawanda, ndive nevamwe mukusuwa kwavo - uye mamiriro acho achazvitwasanudza. Asi hapana here chimwe chinhu chine ngozi uye chinoparadza kumunhu mukutaura kunoramba kuripo uku, kuri kufashaira muto wako amene?

"Nekufamba kwenguva, kune mumwe munhu anoda kuenderera mberi, chigadziro ichi chinova chisina kukwana: nemaonero akadaro enyika, zvinhu zvose zviri munyika zvinoratidzika kunge zvine ngozi kana zvisina kukodzera," anosimbisa Anastasia Dolganova. - Kazhinji vanhu vanorasikirwa zvishoma nezvishoma nehurukuro mukati meboka, nyora zvishoma, taura zvishoma. Vane mamwe mabasa kunze kwekubuda mudambudziko ravo, uye mhepo inorwadza zvine hukasha yenzvimbo idzi inova isingafadzi kwavari.

Avo vanogara vanowanzobatirira muchikamu chekutsamwa nekuderera. Kuomerera kumufananidzo wakajeka uye wakapfava wenyika, vanovhara nzira yavo yekusununguka. Havapfuuriri mberi nokuti havabati kunzwa kwavo kwakaoma, uye pasina uku kukura kwomunhu oga hakubviri. Pane imwe nguva, zano rekupona kwakanyanya rinofanira kutsiviwa nemaitiro anoshanda kana tichida kurarama zvizere uye kwete kuwira munyaya dzakadai zvakare.

Kana tikaramba tichigara muboka retsigiro, asi hapana shanduko muhupenyu, zvisinei nekutaurwa kwenyaya uye kunzwira tsitsi kwakazara kwevamwe, kana tichinzwa kuti tiri "kurembera", zvakakosha kufunga nezve nzira yekurapa. nokuda kwedu.

Dzivisa mhinduro dziri nyore

Kuvhura matsamba enharaunda kune tag "narcissus" kana "tox" kunogona kuita kuti tinzwe zviri nani. Tinopa dambudziko racho zita, uye rinogona kurerutsa kutambura kwedu kwekanguva.

“Kuderedza hunhu hwomunhu kugadziriro yeunhu husina kunaka zvirokwazvo hakugamuchiriki kumurapi,” anoyeuka kudaro Anastasia Dolganova. — Asi kumunhu ari muukama hunoparadza, pane imwe nguva kuita dhimoni kwakadaro kwomudiwa kungabatsira. Kutya uye kutsamwa kunouya nekuona mumwe seakaipa zvachose, kuodzwa mwoyo, uye kuderera kunogona kubatsira kugumisa hukama. Kana zvose izvi zvisipo, munhu achadziviswa nerudo, mhosva, manyepo, zvikonzero zveumwe, nezvimwe zvakadaro. Uye zvichiri nani kubuda muukama hunoparadza pane kugara mahuri. ”

Zvisinei, basa racho harifaniri kugumira ipapo: kune ngozi yakawanda yokuti tichazviwana tiri mumamiriro ezvinhu akafanana nemumwe mudiwa - kana kunyange kudzokera kumudiwa wedu "tox".

“Njodzi iri pano ndeyekunonoka kuita izvi,” nyanzvi yepfungwa inonyevera kudaro. - Avo vanodzikisira vanowanzoita idealize - wakambofambidzana naye nekufamba kwenguva (uye kudzokera kwaari) kana mudiwa mutsva, asingaoni zviratidzo zvine ngozi maari uye kubvumirana nehukama hunogona kufanana nehwekare. Maonero akadzama evanhu, ayo ari mhiri kwe "demonization-dealization", inobvumira sarudzo inoziva uye yakakodzera.