Vabereki tine chikwereti chei?

Vepanguva yedu vanorarama kwenguva yakareba nhasi kupfuura makore zana apfuura. Nekuda kweizvi, tinoramba tiri vana kwenguva yakareba: tinogona kunzwa tichidiwa, kunakidzwa nekuchengetwa, kuziva kuti kune mumwe munhu anokosha kune hupenyu hwedu kupfuura yavo. Asi pane rimwe divi.

Mukukura, vazhinji vedu tinozviwana tiri mumamiriro ezvinhu apo tinofanira kutarisira vana nevabereki panguva imwe chete. Mamiriro ezvinhu aya asvika pakuzivikanwa se "sandwich generation."

"Tiri pakati pezvizvarwa zviviri zvakavakidzana - vana vedu (nevazukuru!) nevabereki - uye vanovanamira pamwechete semeseji inonamira zvimedu zviviri zvechingwa pamwechete," anotsanangura kudaro nyanzvi yezvemagariro evanhu Svetlana Komissaruk, Ph.D. "Tinobatanidza munhu wese, isu tine mutoro kune zvese."

Mativi maviri

Vabereki vanogara nesu kana vakaparadzana, dzimwe nguva vanorwara, zviri nyore kana zvakakomba, zvachose kana kwenguva pfupi, uye vanoda kutarisirwa. Uye dzimwe nguva vanongofinhikana uye vanoda kuti tivatarise zvakanyanya, kuronga kudya kwemhuri kana kuuya kuzoshanya, kupedza mazororo pamwe chete, kuenda kuzororo nemhuri huru. Dzimwe nguva tinodawo kuti vachengete vana vedu, zvichiita kuti tipe nguva yakawanda kune isu nemabasa edu.

Nokukurumidza kana zvishoma nezvishoma, vari kuchembera - uye vanoda rubatsiro kukwira masitepisi, kupinda mumotokari uye kusunga bhandi ravo rechigaro. Uye hatisisina tariro yekuti tichakura tozvimiririra. Kunyangwe tikaneta nemutoro uyu, isu hatigone kutarisira kuti izvi zvichapera rimwe zuva, nekuti izvo zvinoreva kutarisira kufa kwavo - uye hatizvibvumire isu kufunga nezvazvo.

“Zvinogona kutiomera kutarisira hama dzokunyama dzakwegura kana takanga tisingaoni hanya zvikuru kubva kwavari muuduku,” anodaro chiremba wepfungwa Oksana Rybakova.

“Amai vangu vakanga vasinganyanyi kudziya,” anoyeuka kudaro Irina, ane makore 42.— Zvakaitika nenzira dzakasiyana, asi pakupedzisira takajairana. Iye zvino ndinomutarisira uye ndinonzwa manzwiro akasiyana, kubva pakunzwira tsitsi kusvika pakushatirwa. Pandinoerekana ndaona kupera simba kwaari kuita, ndinonzwa tsitsi huru netsitsi. Uye paanondipomera, dzimwe nguva ndinomupindura nehasha uye ndinorwadziwa nokuzvipa mhosva. ”

Nekuziva manzwiro edu, tinogadzira mukaha pakati pemanzwiro uye chiito. Dzimwe nguva unogona kuseka pane kutsamwa, uye dzimwe nguva unofanira kudzidza kugamuchira.

Dmitry ane makore 45 anoti, “Ndinocheka nyama mundiro yababa vangu uye ndinoona kuti havasi kugutsikana, kunyange zvazvo vasina basa nazvo. Zadza mapepa, batsira kupfeka ... Asi zvakare kanira bvudzi rako, geza kumeso, geza mazino ako - kuve nehanya nehutsanana uye nzira dzekurapa zvinogona kurwadza vakuru.

Kana chikafu chedu chikasangana nekutenda kwavo, nguva idzi dzinogona kupenya uye dzisingakanganwike. Asi tinogonawo kuona kushatirwa uye kutsamwa kwevabereki. "Mamwe emanzwiro aya haana kunangana nesu, asi pamamiriro ekushaya simba kwedu," anotsanangura kudaro Oksana Rybakova.

Chikwereti chakanaka kutendeuka chinokodzera chimwe?

Ndiani uye sei anosarudza zvatinokwereta kuvabereki uye zvatisina chikwereti? Hapana mhinduro imwe chete. "Pfungwa yebasa ndeyeyero yekukosha, kune imwe nhanho yatinosangana nayo mibvunzo: nei? sei? nokuda kwechinangwa chei? Zvine basa rei? Panguva imwecheteyo, pfungwa yebasa ndeyekuvaka kwevanhu, uye isu, sevanhu vanogara munzanga, tinowanzoita maererano nedhigirii imwe kana imwe neyakagadzirirwa kuitira kuti irege kurambwa nesangano iri, Oksana Rybakova anoti. 

- Kubva pakuona kwemutemo wegeneric systems, iyo yakatsanangurwa neGermany psychotherapist uye muzivi Bert Hellinger, vabereki vane basa maererano nevana - kudzidzisa, rudo, kudzivirira, kudzidzisa, kupa (kusvika kune rimwe zera). ) Vana havana chikwereti kuvabereki vavo.

Kana vakaisa mukugamuchirwa, rudo, kutenda, mukana, kutarisira, vabereki vanogona kutarisira maitiro akafanana kwavari kana nguva yasvika.

Kuti zvichange zvakatiomera sei isu nevabereki vedu kunotsamira zvikurukuru pakuti isu timene tinotarira sei chiri kuitika: kana tichichirangarira sechirango, mutoro, kana kuti nhano yomuzvarirwo muupenyu. Ilona ane makore 49 anoti: “Ndinoedza kuona kutarisira vabereki vangu uye kukuda kwavo semagumo eupenyu hwavo hurefu, hune utano uye hunobudirira.

Anodiwa muturikiri!

Kunyange kana takura, tinoda kuva vakanaka kuvabereki vedu uye kunzwa takashata kana tikasabudirira. “Amai vanoti: Hapana chandinoda, vobva vagumbuka kana mashoko avo akatorwa sezvaari,” Valentina ane makore 43 anovhiringidzika.

"Mumamiriro ezvinhu akadaro, zvinongoramba chete kubvuma kuti uku kunyengedza, chido chekutonga kuburikidza nemhosva," anodaro Oksana Rybakova. Isu hatisi telepathic uye hatigone kuverenga zvinodiwa nevamwe. Kana tikabvunza zvakananga uye takagamuchira mhinduro yakananga, taiita nepatinogona napo.

“Vabereki kazhinji kazhinji havazivi kuti murangariro wavo wezvinhu handiwo bedzi unobvira,” anodaro Svetlana Komissaruk. “Vakakurira mune imwe nyika, hudiki hwavo hwakaperera mumatambudziko. Kuvhiringidzwa kwavo pachavo kwavari kumashure, vaifanira kunge vakatsungirirwa uye kwete kugunun'una.

Kutsoropodza ndicho chaiva chishandiso chikuru chedzidzo kuvazhinji. Vazhinji vavo havana kana kumbonzwa nezvekuzivikanwa kwekusiyana kwemwana. Vakatirera nepavaigona napo, sezvavaikura ivo pachavo. Somugumisiro, vazhinji vedu vanonzwa vasingadiwi, vasingarumbidzwi.” Uye zvichiri kuoma kwatiri navo, nokuti kurwadziwa kwevana kunopindura mukati.

Asi vabereki vari kuchembera, vanoda kubatsirwa. Uye panguva ino zviri nyore kutora basa remuponesi anotonga anoziva zvakanyanya kubatsira. Pane zvikonzero zviviri, Svetlana Komissaruk anopfuurira kuti: “Zvimwe, nemhaka yefunganyo yako umene yakawedzera, hauvimbi nomudiwa wako nezvinetso zvake amene uye unovavarira kudzivisa kukundikana kwake kusingadzivisiki, sezvakunoratidzika kwauri kwauri, kukundikana nenzira ipi neipi. Kana kuti iwe unoona zvinoreva hupenyu mukubatsira uye kutarisira, uye pasina izvi haugoni kufungidzira kuvapo kwako. Zvose zvikonzero zvakabatana newe, uye kwete zvachose nechinangwa chekubatsira.

Muchiitiko ichi, iwe unofanirwa kuziva nezvemiganhu yako uye vavariro kuitira kuti usamanikidzira kutarisira. Hatizorambirwi kana tikamirira kusvikira takumbirwa kubatsirwa uye kana tichiremekedza rusununguko rwokusarudza rwevabereki. "Kungoparadzanisa rangu uye kwete bhizinesi rangu, tinoratidza hanya chaizvo," anosimbisa Svetlana Komissaruk.

Ndiani kana tisiri isu?

Zvingaitika here kuti tirege kuwana mukana wekutarisira vakuru vedu? “Murume wangu akapiwa basa kune imwe nyika, uye takasarudza kuti mhuri isaparadzana,” anodaro Marina ane makore 32, amai vane vana vaviri, “asi tinotarisira ambuya vomurume wangu vanogara vakarara. 92 makore. Hatikwanisi kumutakura, uye iye haadi. Takawana imba yekugara yakanaka, asi vose vatinozivana navo vanotishora.”

7% chete ndivo vanobvuma mukana wekuiswa kwavo mumasangano akadai¹. Chikonzero chacho hachisati chichingova bedzi mutsika yavarimi yokugara munharaunda, mhuri yakakura, iyo yakatsikirirwa muyeuko yamadzitateguru edu, asiwo muidi rokuti “nyika yagara ichifarira kuita kuti vana vanzwe mutoro kuvabereki vavo; ” anodaro Oksana Rybakova, “nokuti mune Muchiitiko ichi, anosunungurwa pakudiwa kwekutarisira avo vasingachagoni kushanda uye vanoda kutarisirwa nguva dzose. Uye hakusati kuchine nzvimbo dzakawanda kwazvo dzavanogona kupa tarisiro yemhando yepamusoro.

Tinganetsekawo pamusoro pokuti rudzii rwomuenzaniso watinogadza kuvana vedu uye mugumo wakamirira kwatiri mukukwegura. “Kana mubereki akwegura akapiwa ngwariro inodiwa, tarisiro yokurapa, tarisiro netsigiro, kana kurukurirano ikachengetwa, ikoku kunogona kuratidza vazukuru nzira yokuchengeta nayo ushamwari norudo,” Oksana Rybakova anopwiswa. Uye kuti ungaronga sei unyanzvi, munhu wose anozvisarudzira, achifunga nezvemamiriro ake ezvinhu.

Ramba uchirarama

Kana mhuri iine munhu mukuru akasununguka kubva kubasa, ane hutano hwakanaka, anokwanisa kupa zvishoma nezvekurapa kwekutanga, saka zvakanyanya nyore kuti munhu akura agare pamba, anojairana, mufurati umo mune ndangariro zhinji. zvakabatana.

Zvisinei, zvinoitikawo kuti munhu akwegura anoona zuva nezuva kuti hama dzake dzinomutarisira sei, dzichimunetsa. Uye zvino, paunenge uchichengetedza maitiro ekutsoropodza kune chokwadi, kutarisa uku kunogona kuva kwakaoma, pamwe nekuziva kwekushaya rubatsiro uye mutoro waunogadzira kune vamwe. Uye kazhinji zvinova nyore kune wese munhu kana zvimwe zvekunetsekana zvinogona kupihwa kune nyanzvi.

“Ndinotsvaira marara, ndorongedza nekubika tii manheru, asi nguva yasara mukoti anochengeta amai vangu, achivabatsira nechimbuzi nemishonga. Ndingadai ndisina kukwana pane zvose izvi!” — anodaro Dina ane makore 38, amai vanoshanda vemwanakomana ane makore mashanu.

“Nzanga ine tarisiro yokuti mwanasikana achatarisira vabereki vake panzvimbo pomwanakomana; angava muroora kana kuti muzukurusikana,” anodaro Oksana Rybakova, “asi zvichaitika kwauri zviri kwauri.”

Ani naani ane hanya nehama, hupenyu hahumire kwenguva yebasa iri uye haapedzirwi nazvo. Kana isu tikakwanisa kuswedera pachedu uye nevamwe kwete semunhu anofanirwa kuteerera mitemo uye kuzadzisa mabasa, asi semunhu anorarama zvakasiyana-siyana, saka zviri nyore kuvaka chero hukama.

1. Izvestia maererano nekutsvakurudza kweNAFI Analytical Center, iz.ru 8.01.21.