Kana hukama hwaamai nemwanasikana hunopenga

hukama hwakakosha

Mumwe munhu anofunga amai vake, uye mumwe munhu anobvuma kuti anomuvenga uye haagoni kuwana mutauro wakajairika naye. Nei uhwu huri hukama hwakakosha kudaro, nei vachitikuvadza zvakanyanya uye vachikonzera maitiro akasiyana?

Amai havangori hunhu hwakakosha muhupenyu hwemwana. Maererano ne psychoanalysis, inenge yose psyche yevanhu inoumbwa muhukama hwepakutanga naamai. Havana kuenzaniswa nevamwe.

Amai vemwana, maererano ne psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, chaizvoizvo nharaunda iyo inoumbwa. Uye kana hukama hukasakura nenzira yaizobatsira mwana uyu, kukura kwake kunokanganiswa.

Mukuita, ukama naamai hunogadzirisa zvose muupenyu hwomunhu. Izvi zvinoisa mutoro mukuru pamukadzi, nokuti amai havambovi munhu wemwana wavo mukuru wavanogona kuvaka naye ukama hwakaenzana hwokuvimbana. Amai vanoramba vari munhu asingaenzaniswi muhupenyu hwake asina chinhu uye pasina munhu.

Ukama hwakanaka hwaamai nemwanasikana hunoratidzika sei?

Aya ndiwo hukama umo vakadzi vakuru vanogona kutaurirana uye kutaurirana, kurarama hupenyu hwakasiyana - mumwe nemumwe wake. Vanogona kutsamwa kune mumwe nemumwe uye vasingabvumirani nechimwe chinhu, vasingagutsikani, asi panguva imwe chete, utsinye hahuparadzi rudo uye ruremekedzo, uye hakuna munhu anobvisa vana vavo nevazukuru kubva kune ani zvake.

Asi hukama hwaamai nemwanasikana ndiyo yakanyanya kuoma pane ina inogoneka misanganiswa (baba-mwanakomana, baba-mwanasikana, amai-mwanakomana, uye amai-mwanasikana). Chokwadi ndechokuti mai kumwanasikana ndiye chinhu chikuru chinodiwa. Asi ipapo, pazera ramakore 3–5, iye anofanira kuchinjisa mirangariro yake yokusazvibata kuna baba vake, uye anovamba kufungidzira: “Apo ndinokura, ndicharoora baba vangu.”

Iyi ndiyo imwechete yeOedipus yakaoma iyo Freud akawana, uye zvinoshamisa kuti hakuna munhu asati aita izvi, nokuti kukwezva kwemwana kumubereki wepabonde kwakasiyana kwaionekwa nguva dzose.

Uye zvakanyanya kuomera musikana kuti apfuure nedanho rino rekumanikidza rekukura. Mushure mezvose, paunotanga kuda baba, amai vanova mukwikwidzi, uye mose munoda kugoverana rudo rwababa. Zvakaoma zvikuru kuti musikana akwikwidze naamai vake, avo vachiri kudiwa uye vachikosha kwaari. Uye amai, ivowo, kazhinji kazhinji vanoitira murume wavo godo nokuda kwomwanasikana wavo.

Asi uyu mutsetse mumwe chete. Kune zvakare yechipiri. Kumusikana muduku, amai vake chinhu chinodiwa, asi zvino anofanira kuwirirana naamai vake kuti akure uye ave mukadzi.

Pane kupokana pano: musikana anofanira panguva imwe chete kuda amai vake, kurwa naye kuti atariswe nababa vake, uye azvibatanidze naye. Uye pano dambudziko idzva rinomuka. Chokwadi ndechekuti amai nemwanasikana vakafanana chaizvo, uye zviri nyore kuti vazive. Zviri nyore kuti musikana asanganise zvake neyaamai vake, uye zviri nyore kuti amai vaone kuenderera mberi kwake mumwanasikana wavo.

Vakadzi vazhinji vakaipa pakuzvisiyanisa nevanasikana vavo. Zvakafanana ne psychosis. Kana iwe ukavabvunza zvakananga, vanopikisa uye vanoti vanosiyanisa zvinhu zvose zvakakwana uye vanoita zvose zvakanaka zvevanasikana vavo. Asi pane imwe nhanho yakadzika, muganho uyu wakadzima.

Kuchengeta mwanasikana wako kwakafanana here nokuzvichengeta iwe pachako?

Kuburikidza nemwanasikana wavo, amai vanoda kuona zvavasina kuziva muupenyu. Kana chimwe chinhu icho iye pachake anoda zvakanyanya. Anotenda nomwoyo wose kuti mwanasikana wake anofanira kuda zvaanoda, kuti anoda kuita zvaanoita iye pachake. Uyezve, amai havagoni kusiyanisa pakati pavo uye zvavanoda, zvido, manzwiro.

Unoziva majee akaita sekuti "pfeka ngowani, ndiri kutonhora"? Anonyatsonzwira mwanasikana wake. Ndinoyeuka imwe bvunzurudzo yakaitwa nenyanzvi Yuri Kuklachev, yakabvunzwa kuti: “Makarera sei vana venyu?” Anoti: “Uye izvi zvakafanana nekatsi.

Katsi haigone kudzidziswa chero manomano. Ndinongoona zvaanoda, zvaanoda. Mumwe ari kusvetuka, mumwe ari kutamba nebhora. Uye ndinokudziridza tsika iyi. Zvimwe chete nevana. Ndakangotarisa zvavari, zvavanongobuda nazvo. Zvino ndakavasimudzira munzira iyi.

Iyi ndiyo nzira ine musoro kana mwana achionekwa sechisikwa chakaparadzana chine maitiro ake ega.

Uye vangani vanaamai vatinoziva vanoita sevanotarisira: vanotora vana vavo kumakwikwi, zviratidzo, makonzati emimhanzi yekare, nokuti, maererano nekunzwa kwavo kwakadzama, izvi ndizvo chaizvo zvinodiwa nemwana. Uye ivo zvakare vanovasvibisa nemashoko akadai: "Ndinoisa hupenyu hwangu hwese pauri," izvo zvinokonzeresa kunzwa kukuru kwekuzvipa mhosva muvana vakuru. Zvakare, izvi zvinoita se psychosis.

Muchidimbu, psychosis ndiko kusasiyanisa pakati pezviri kuitika mukati mako uye zviri kunze. Amai vari kunze kwemwanasikana. Uye mwanasikana ari kunze kwake. Asi kana amai vakatenda kuti mwanasikana wavo anoda zvaanoda, anotanga kurasikirwa nemuganhu uyu pakati penyika yemukati nekunze. Uye zvimwe chetezvo zvinoitika kumwanasikana wangu.

Ndivo varume pabonde, vakafanana chaizvo. Apa ndipo panouya dingindira rehupengo hwakagoverwa, rudzi rwepfungwa dzepfungwa dzinongoenda kuhukama hwavo. Kana ukasazvicherekedza pamwe chete, haugone kuona chero kukanganisa zvachose. Kudyidzana kwavo nevamwe vanhu kunenge kuri kwakajairika. Kunyangwe zvimwe kukanganisa kunogoneka. Semuenzaniso, mwanasikana uyu ane vakadzi verudzi rwaamai - vane maboss, vadzidzisi vechikadzi.

Chii chinokonzera psychosis yakadaro?

Pano zvakakosha kuyeuka chimiro chababa. Rimwe remabasa ake mumhuri kumira pakati paamai nemwanasikana pane imwe nguva. Iyi ndiyo nzira iyo katatu inooneka, umo mune ukama pakati pemwanasikana naamai, uye mwanasikana nababa, uye amai nababa.

Asi kazhinji amai vanoedza kuronga kuitira kuti kukurukurirana kwemwanasikana nababa kupfuure kuburikidza naye. Hutatu hunodonha.

Ndakasangana nemhuri umo iyi modhi inodzokororwa kwezvizvarwa zvakati wandei: kune vanaamai nevanasikana chete, uye vanababa vanobviswa, kana vakarambana, kana kuti havana kumbovapo, kana kuti zvidhakwa uye havana huremu mumhuri. Ndiani munyaya iyi achaparadza kushamwaridzana kwavo nekubatanidza? Ndiani achavabatsira kuti vaparadzane uye vatarise kumwe kunhu asi kune mumwe nemumwe uye "girazi" kupenga kwavo?

Nenzira, unoziva here kuti munenge mune zvese zviitiko zveAlzheimer's kana mamwe marudzi ekuora mwoyo, vanaamai vanodana vanasikana vavo "amai"? Muchokwadi, muhukama hwakadaro hwesymbiotic, hapana musiyano pakati pekuti ndiani ane hukama naani. Zvose zvinosanganiswa.

Mwanasikana anofanirwa kuve "baba"?

Unoziva zvinotaurwa nevanhu here? Kuti mwana afare, musikana anofanira kufanana nababa vake, uye mukomana anofanira kufanana namai vake. Uye kune tsumo inoti vanababa vanogara vachida vanakomana, asi vanoda kupfuura vanasikana. Uhwu huchenjeri hwechivanhu hunoenderana zvizere nehukama hwepfungwa hwakagadzirwa nemasikirwo. Ndinofunga kuti zvakanyanya kuoma kuti musikana anokura se "mwanasikana waamai" kuti aparadzane naamai vake.

Musikana anokura, anopinda muzera rokubereka uye anozviwana, sokunge zvakadaro, mumunda wevakadzi vakuru, nokudaro achisundira amai vake mumunda wechembere. Izvi hazvisi hazvo kuitika panguva ino, asi musimboti weshanduko ndewekuti. Uye vanaamai vakawanda, vasingazvizivi, vanosangana nazvo zvinorwadza zvikuru. Izvo, nenzira, inoratidzwa mungano dzechinyakare pamusoro peakaipa amai vekurera uye mwana wechidiki.

Chokwadi, zvakaoma kutsungirira kuti musikana, mwanasikana, ari kukura, uye iwe uri kuchembera. Mwanasikana achiri kuyaruka ane mabasa ake: anofanira kuparadzana nevabereki vake. Muchirevo, libido inomutsa maari mushure menguva yakadzikama yemakore 12-13 inofanira kuchinjwa kubva kumhuri kunze, kune vezera rake. Uye mwana panguva iyi anofanira kusiya mhuri.

Kana musikana ari pedyo zvikuru naamai vake, zvakaoma kuti asununguke. Uye anoramba ari "musikana wekumba", iyo inonzwisiswa sechiratidzo chakanaka: mwana akadzikama, anoteerera akura. Kuti aparadzanise, kuti akunde kukwezva mumamiriro ezvinhu akadaro ekubatana, musikana anofanira kunge ane mhirizhonga yakawanda uye utsinye, iyo inonzwisiswa sekupandukira uye kusvibiswa.

Hazvibviri kuziva zvose, asi kana amai vakanzwisisa zvinhu izvi uye nuances yehukama, zvichava nyore kwavari. Ndakambobvunzwa mubvunzo wakaoma wakadaro: “Mwanasikana anosungirwa kuda amai vake here?” Kutaura idi, mwanasikana haangagoni kurega kuda mai vake. Asi muhukama hwepedyo pane nguva dzose rudo uye utsinye, uye muukama hwaamai-mwanasikana werudo urwu kune gungwa uye gungwa rechisimba. Mubvunzo chete ndewekuti chii chichakunda - rudo kana ruvengo?

Gara uchida kutenda rudo irworwo. Isu tose tinoziva mhuri dzakadaro apo munhu wose anoremekedza mumwe nomumwe, munhu wose anoona kune mumwe munhu, munhu, uye panguva imwe chete anonzwa kuti anodiwa uye ari pedyo sei.