Mukati
Zvinoitika kuti hukama hunokura chete munharaunda yepabonde, uye hupenyu pamwe chete hahufambi zvakanaka. Hatigoni kurarama pasina mumwe, asi kuva pamwe chete kutambudza kwakakwana. Mhedzisiro yacho kukakavara, misodzi, kuputsika kunorwadza. Sei zvichiitika?
“Takasangana papati neshamwari, uye tose tiri vaviri vakabva vaita sevakanga vafukidzwa nemasaisai,” anodaro Veronica ane makore 32 okukura. — Takapedza usiku hwose pamwe chete. Nyika yangu yakatsikirira kwaari ega. Akasanganawo nazvo.
Takatanga kufunga nezvemuchato. Asi zvishoma nezvishoma zvese zvakaitika pakati pedu tisiri pamubhedha zvakashanduka kuita nhevedzano yekupopotedzana uye zviitiko zvegodo.
Ndakasarudza kuenda. Ndichiri kukwezvwa kwaari, ndangariro dzakanaka zvinorwadza, uye handinzwisisi kuti nei zvisina kubudirira.” Sei kukwezva kwakasimba kusina kukwana kuhukama hwenguva refu?
Uye ndiani pork cartilage
Kuita zvepabonde hakuna kukwana kuti vakaroorana vatsige, “zvimwe zvinoumba zvinodiwawo: kuremekedzana, kufarirana,” anodaro Lyubov Koltunova, murapi weGestalt, Jungian psychologist.
- Zvikasadaro, kupfuura hupamhi hwepabonde, vaviri vacho havazowana chingavasunga, uye kupokana kwakawanda kungamuka. Zvinoitika kuti mumwe anofarira watermelon, uye imwe yenguruve cartilage.
Mukana chete wekuchengetedza mubatanidzwa wakadaro ndewekutarisa zvibvumirano. Asi apa ndipo chaipo panomuka dambudziko. Haasi munhu wose akagadzirira kuchinja kunyange nekuda kwerudo.
Kazhinji, vanobatana vanosarudza kukakavara uye kupopotedzana nguva dzose kune nhaurirano - mumwe nomumwe anoda kuti mumwe ashandure maererano nezvaanoda, anotora nzvimbo yehucheche - "zvandinoda zviri kumberi." Zvakaoma kugara muukama hwakadaro kwenguva refu.
Uye ndinoda uye ndinovenga
Vadim ane makore 43 anoti, “Ndaida chaizvo mudzimai wangu wokutanga, ndaida kuva naye miniti yoga yoga. Paakaenda kunoona shamwari dzake, ndaifungidzira kuti angangosangana nomumwe munhu ndokuenda kwaari. Uye ipapo ndakazarirwa negodo, ndakafunga: zvingava nani kuti afe pane kuva nemumwe!
Nei dzimwe nguva tichinzwa manzwiro akadaro? Uye isu tinotsvakana, uye takagadzirira kuuraya; tinonyadzisa, kugumbura mumwe - uye kubva pane izvi tinonzwa kurwadziswa kunoshamisa?
Lyubov Koltunova anoenderera mberi achiti: “Chikonzero cheukama hwakaoma kudaro, hunorwadza kutyora kubatanidzwa kwemumwe kana kuti vose vari vaviri,” anoenderera mberi Lyubov Koltunova, “apo patinosangana nefunganyo tisingazivi patinopinda muukama hwepedyo hwepfungwa.
Chii chinonzi psychoanalyst Karen Horney "kunzwa kwekunetseka kwakanyanya" - inokura kubva mukusurukirwa uye kusabatsira kwatakasangana nako muhudiki kana vabereki vedu vasina hanya nesu.
Isu tinonzwa kukwezva kusingadzivisiki kune mumwe uye panguva imwechete tisingazive edza kuchengetedza chinhambwe, nekuti chiitiko chekunamatira chaimborwadza.
Kutenderera hakusati kwapera
Munguva yepabonde, kusvetwa kunopinda mumatanho akati wandei - iyi inonzi "sexual response cycle", mushure mekunge vadiwa vanonzwa vari pedyo kune mumwe nemumwe.
Kutanga kune kufarira, zvino kukwezva, kufara, izvo zvishoma nezvishoma zvinowedzera, uye pakupedzisira tinosvika pakubuda - an orgasm. Asi chinonyanya kufadza ndechekuti kutenderera kwekuita zvepabonde hakuperi panguva ino.
"Mushure mekuita orgasm, danho refractory rinotanga: kuderera kwekunakidzwa, muviri unokumbira kuzorora, kuzorora, ipapo nhanho yekufananidza - kunzwisisa chiitiko chakawanikwa," anotsanangura kudaro Lyubov Koltunova. -Nekuda kwekupedzwa uku kwekutenderera kwekuita zvepabonde, kubatanidzwa kunomuka.
Tine chishuvo chekuzadza maoko emumwe nemumwe, kutaura, kupedza imwe nguva yakawanda pamwe chete, kudya kwemanheru kana kufamba-famba.
Asi muhukama hwerudo, danho rekupedzisira rekuita zvepabonde rinowanzoregwa: kukwezva kwakasimba kunobata vadikani pese pavanenge vari, mundege, muimba yekugezera yeresitorendi kana bhaisikopo. Hapana nguva yekufungidzira. "
Uye zvino zvinozoitika kuti kutenderera kwekuita zvepabonde hakuna kupera. Kukwezva pabonde kuripo, asi kubatanidzwa - iyo anchor inotikurudzira kuti tive pamwe - haimuke.
Ndakamupofomadza
Akanaka pamubhedha, uye tinofunga kuti urwu ndirwo rudo. Asi panotanga kudanana, zvinenge zvakangofanana nekupinda murudo. Uye zvine njodzi nekufungidzira: isu tinopa mudiwa nehunhu hunodiwa. Zvechokwadi, fungidziro inowira pamusoro pechinhu kana pane mamwe "machira" - chimwe chinhu icho chinogona kubata.
Izvo zvakasikwa nekusaziva kwedu kubva munhoroondo yekukura, chiitiko chekutanga chekudanana nezvifananidzo zvekuyaruka, zvinoonekwa zvakajeka, kusanganisira zvepabonde. Tinofadzwa neinzwi rake here? Kana tikaongorora zvakaitika kare, zvingaona kuti mudzidzisi, wataidanana naye zvakanyanyisa pazera remakore 15, aiva nenzwi rakafanana.
Zvinoitika kuti isu hatitaudzane nemumwe, asi nepfungwa yedu pamusoro pake. Mafungiro akaitwa anobhururuka kana kupokana kunoonekwa muvaviri, sekunge tinobvisa magirazi eruvara rwerose tojairana nemunhu chaiye, kwete wengano. Kubva panguva iyo kusawirirana kunopinda muhukama, uye takatarisana nesarudzo - iyi ndiyo yatinoda here kana kuti kwete?
Hukama hwakasiyana-siyana. Kuita zvepabonde pachena chinhu chinokosha, asi handicho choga.
Zvekuverenga nezvazvo?
Gestalt Therapy yeBonde naBrigitte Martel
Kuzeya, kusurukirwa, mhuri… Mutsetse uri pakati pezvinojairwa nehurwere, nyaya dzakasiyana dzehupenyu hwepabonde hwevatengi, zvakataurwa nenyanzvi nedzidziso huru.
(Institute for General Humanitarian Studies, 2020)