Pazera remakore gumi nemana, uye kunyange pamakore masere, ndakanga ndatoziva kuti cystic fibrosis chii: kushayikwa kweprotein inoputsa mucus, rudzi rwehutu hunogadzirwa nemuviri hunoramba huchishandura nhengo huru (kunyanya mapapu). , asiwo ura uye chibereko). Nenguva isipi, iyo mucus inounganidza, inokuvadza nhengo, uye inopera zvakashata apo nhengo inoputira mapapu kana matumbo echisarudzo chako: rufu "kwete kunonoka". Asi ndaiva nemakore 14, uye “kwete kunonoka” paunenge wava nemakore 14 inguva yakareba zvakadaro.
Chiziviso chekugona kwangu kubereka
Rimwe zuva chiremba akati kwandiri: “Rimwe zuva, gare gare, ungada vana.” Handina kupindura, asi uyu akanga ari hongu! Hupenyu hwangu hwega chirongwa, chakavanzika uye nehunyanzvi zvakasanganiswa, aive murume anopisa wandinoda, ane vana, mhuri inofara, imba.
“-Kunyange kana chido ichi chemwana chichiita sechiri kure newe, akaenderera mberi nachiremba, unofanira kuziva kuti zvichave… um… handidi kutaura kuti hazvigoneke… Ngatitii zvakaoma kwazvo… Zvakanaka, kutaura zvimwe zvinhu. . zviri pachena, vakadzi vazhinji vane “phlegm” havabereki, nekuda kwekukanganiswa kwemabasa ekubereka, saka mishonga yekukurudzira ovarian inodiwa, uye… um… izvo hazvishande nguva dzose. Iwe unofanirwawo kuziva kuti idzi imimba dzine njodzi, zvakanyanya… Zvakanaka, hatisati tasvika ”.
Handina chandakataura. Ndakange ndave chiveve chose. Ndaisaona kubatana kwakaita urwere hwangu nengano yangu. Chirwere ichi chatakanga tisina kumboona chichipindira hope dzangu chaiva nezita ripi? Ndaizofa ndiri “mudiki”, ngatibvumei, zvaive zvisinganzwisisike kubva kumakore angu gumi nematatu kana gumi nemana, asi aingondiudza kuti handisi kuzorarama! Kuti ndakanga ndisina kodzero yokurota kurarama! Nokuti kwandiri, ndihwo hwaiva hupenyu. Prince Charming nevana. Ndakapererwa. kokutanga muupenyu hwangu ndirimurifiti yakandibudisa mujeri iri, ndakazviudza kuti: “Hupenyu hwangu hwaparara! Vanoda kunditorera zvose. “
Chishamiso
Rimwe zuva muna 2011, ndakasangana naLudo. Aiva nemakore 16 mativi matatu uye ini 16 nehafu. Nokukurumidza zvikuru, takava vasingaparadzanisiki. Hatina kumbotaura nezvenyaya yekudzivirira pamuviri kana kudzivirira pamuviri. Rudo aitofunga kuti ibasa revasikana. Ini, ndakazviudza kuti Ludo anga amborevesa, zvekutoti tisu taiva vekutanga. Uye ndakanga ndisiri pangozi yekuva nepamuviri. Mashoko achiremba wangu pamusoro pekushaya mbereko kwemhashu akanga akanyorwa mukati mangu nesimbi inopisa. Nyangwe ndakanga ndapika kuti ndaizomunyepera rimwe zuva.
Asi mwedzi mishoma gare gare….
- "Mugumisiro wakanaka. Une nhumbu ine mwedzi miviri”.
Chiremba akatitarisa, zvechokwadi aitarisira kuita zvaityisa. Ndaive nemakore 17, Ludo futi. Cystic fibrosis yakanga ichiri fungidziro mundangariro dzaLudo. Mune yanguwo panguva iyoyo. Asi ini zvangu ndaiziva kuti ndaizofanirwa kuteverwa zvakanaka kuti nhumbu iende zvakanaka. Ndakanga ndafunga nezvazvo zvakanaka… Ndakanga ndisiri kuzorarama maererano nemishonga, asi vanhu vanoita kuti mwana ave nechokwadi uye kuti ave nechokwadi chokuti achararama here? Uye ipapo pakanga paine Ludo. Taive tiri vaviri. Kune vakadzi vanozvara vega tinovadzivirira here, ko kana vafa mwana haana anosara? Sezvo ndaiva nechirwere mumuviri wangu, mwoyo wangu neuropi hwangu zvaifanira kunge zvakasiyana, pasina chido chokuvaka nekufamba kwenguva, pasina zviroto kana kukwanisa kuva amai? Uye ini, zvishoma gumi nemanomwe, ndatova nezvakakosha zvekupfuudza: mufaro wangu, simba rangu, ruzivo rwemutengo wehupenyu. Saka, kwandiri, mubvunzo we "hupenyu hunotarisirwa" hwakagadziriswa. Aiva mwana wangu, tarisiro yangu yeupenyu.
A trigger in advance
Loane yainzi iitwe January 1, asi kupera kwaMbudzi ndakanga ndisingachakwanisi kufema zvakanaka, zvichireva kuti ndakanga ndisisina mweya wekufema. Muviri wakapera simba nekuonda kwangu ndega, ndakatozotakura huremu hwemwana. Uye pamusoro pezvose, zvine hungwaru, Loane akatora nzvimbo yakawanda zvekuti yakamanikidza mapapu angu, anga asiri emhando yekutanga. Kufamba-famba kwakanga kwava kunetsa. Ndakanga ndisisagone kumira nemimba. Panguva imwe chete vanhu vese vainge vandiudza kuti pandinenge ndasvitsa nhumbu pacho ndopaitova nani. Mwana wangu akanga asati anyanya kukura. Musi weChina, Zvita 6, ndakaenda kuchipatara chevana vangu mwedzi woga woga. Kunze kwekuti chiremba andiongorora. Akafinyamisa kumeso:
– Ikoko, zviri kunetsa… Zvakanaka, tichakwira pamusoro kunoona chiremba wako wekuzvara nanyamukuta nekuti hatigone kugara takadaro…”
Vanachiremba vatatu "vakarongeka" vakapokana nyaya yangu chiremba wekubereka asati apa mutongo wake:
– Zvakanaka, tichakuchengeta. Tichakurudzira kutumira mangwana.
Mazuva maviri gare gare, mwana wamambo wedu akabuda daddy vake vasati vasvika, achimanikidzwa nashefu wake kuti agare panzvimbo yake kusvika masikati. Manheru iwayo, ndakanga ndiri ndega mumba mangu nemwanasikana wangu. Vanamukoti vaitaura zvakashata kwandiri, semwana ane makore gumi nematanhatu akarasika achangobva kusununguka mushure metsaona yekudzivirira uye hapana chaanonetsekana nacho. Panzvimbo pokundifadza nokundipa tsananguro, vakaguma vandibvutira bhero sezvo mumwe anotora toyi kumwana akaipa. Asi kuti ndinyaradze, ndaive nemufaro wehupenyu hwangu kurara pedyo neni. Rakanga riri zuva rokutanga rokufara muupenyu hwangu.
Mwana wechipiri?
Rimwe zuva patakanga tichiona achitamba, Loane akanga ava nemakore anenge maviri, ndakashinga kuudza Ludo zvandaifunga nguva dzose:
- Mwana mumwe, haisi mhuri chaiyo…
- Zviri pachena. Ndiine munun’una wangu nehanzvadzi dzangu mbiri, pamwe chete nomunun’una wangu wandinoda zvikuru, hazvina kumbofa. Ndagara ndichizvifarira pamusoro pangu.
– Ndinoshuva kuti tine mwana wechipiri rimwe zuva.
Ludo akanditarisa:
- Mukomana !
- Kana musikana!
Ndakawedzera zvakandirwadza kwazvo:
- Asi nechirwere ...
- Saka manje ? Zvakafamba zvakanaka kuna Loane…, akapindura Ludo nehunhu hwake hwekutarisira.
- Ehe, asi iwe unoziva, Ludo, chishamiso, hazviitike kaviri ... Kubata pamuviri sekunge kuenda kumagumo ...
Kwapera nguva yakati kuti, takatora mimba test. Zvaive zvakare-hongu! Takafara zvisingaite.
Muedzo wekurapa kubvisa pamuviri
Takazoti regai timbochengeta nhumbu yacho. Izvi zvisati zvaitika, taiva nemuchato wedu, muchato chaiwo waKate naWilliam. Kunze kwokuti nguva pfupi pashure pechiziviso chehurumende, ndakanga ndawedzera kuneta. Pandakaona chiremba wepulmonologist, ndakanga ndatorasikirwa ne12 kilos. Ndakasvipa mapapu ndokumhanyiswa kuchipatara. Mwanasikana wangu akauya kuzondiona uye rimwe zuva… Loane akanditarisa mumaziso chaimo:
– Amai, handidi kuti mufe.
Bhakiti remazaya echando rakadonha kumusana kwangu. Ndakatyoka.
Ndakaedza kuita kuti:
- Asi sei uchitaura zvinhu zvakadaro, Loane?
- Nokuti. Nekuti mbuya nadaddy vanotya kuti uchafa.
Zvaiva zvakaipa. Zvinotyisa. Asi kana waita sarudzo dzandaita, haugone kukanda mapfumo pasi. Ndakaidzorera:
- Ini handina chinangwa chekufa, mwanasikana wangu. Ndinochengetwa zvakanaka pano. Uye ndinovimbisa kuti ndichauya kumba!
Kunze kwekuti ndakanga ndisiri kupora. Ndainge ndowedzera kudzipwa. Nyanzvi yemapapu yakanditsanangurira kuti ndaifanira kusarudza pakati pangu nemwana. Shock. Ndaifanira kuita IMG musi wa5 Gumiguru, 2015. Aiva musikana mudiki, uye akanga asati ava kugona. Ndizvo chete zvandaiziva. Mwana uyu, ndakamubereka semwana chaiye, nenzira yevaginal, pasi pechirwere, achiziva zvose sekuzvara chaiko, naRudo pedyo neni. Akaramba achidzokorora kwandiri kakawanda kuti: “Ndezveuri kurarama, mudiwa wangu.” Hatina sarudzo. Pneumo yanga yamuudza zvakanaka. Akabvuma. Kwete ini. Ndakaramba ndichichema: “Ndinoda mwana wangu…” Pandakabuda muchipatara, ndakayera makirogiramu makumi mana neshanu pamamita angu makumi matanhatu nenhatu. Handina kumbowanazve kufema kwangu kwekare, simba rangu kare, uremu hwangu kare.
Nhumbu zvakare!
Zvisinei, pandakatanga kuita zviri nani, takasarudza kuedza kuita mumwe mwana. Ndizvo zvakaita muna Kubvumbi muna Kubvumbi 2016, ndakamisa piritsi. Taisada kugara nechinhu chinosuwisa sekufirwa nemwana. Kuvakazve, sezvavanotaura, hakusi kurega kugara uchitya kufa, ndiko kuenda mberi uye kutanga imwe nhanho. Zvakaitika zvakange zvatiratidza kuti chishamiso chinogona kuitika kaviri, saka nei zvisingaite zvitatu? Mangwana acho, ndisati ndatora Loane pakupedza chikoro, ndakaenda kunotora maresults… Pregnant! Zvakandiomera kumuvanzira mufaro wangu! Manheru iwayo, ndakagadzira Ludo carbonara pasta, mwero wangu wepamusoro, uye ndakamirira zvakatonyanya kusashivirira kudzoka kwake kupfuura nguva dzose. Achingopinda padoor Loane akabva amumbundira semazuva ese. Rudo akanditarisa pabendekete remwanasikana wake, uye mumaziso angu akanzwisisa. Tisati tafara takamirira maresults angu matsva epneumo toudza vabereki vedu. Takanga tiri patafura ndokubva ndazivisa kuti:
– Tine chekukuudza, ndine pamuviri…
Amai vangu vakaita sitiroko yemoyo kwechikamu chechina chesekondi yandakakwanisa kukurumidza kukanganisa:
- Asi zvese zvakanaka, isu tinobuda muyekutanga ultrasound, ari mukomana, ane chimiro chikuru, chaChikunguru, uye ini ndiri muchimiro zvakare.
Amai, vanorwara uye blogger
Panguva yekuzvitakura, ndakatanga kutevera akawanda mablogiki kana mapeji eFacebook evanotarisira uye vanaamai vatsva. Asi mamwe manheru, ndakafunga kuna Ludo:
-Ndinoda kugadzira blog!
- Asi kutaura chii?
-Taurira hupenyu hwemazuva ese hwaamai UYE vanorwara. Kuti kune mazuva akanaka, mazuva asiri, asi kuti chipo chakanakisa hupenyu, chatisingafaniri kukanganwa!
Ndiwo matangiro andakaita *. Hanzvadzi dzangu vaive vateveri vangu kubva pakutanga, amai vangu vakawana iyo pfungwa ine simba uye inonakidza, Loane aibatirana zvizere. Vese vaidada kuti ndakavaratidza sevatsigiri vangu vepamoyo, ndichitora mafoto emhuri nenyaya diki dzehupenyu hwemazuva ese.
Kutanga kuberekwa
Nyamukuta Valérie akauya kazhinji kuzotarisa nhumbu, uye muna Chivabvu 23 mukupera kwemasikati, achindiongorora pasofa, akandizivisa nezwi rake rainzwa chiitiko ichi:
- Unongova nenguva yekuenda kuCHU. Unozvara manheru kana mangwana.
– Kare ? Asi ndine pamuviri pemwedzi minomwe nenhatu!
- Zvichava zvakanaka, akadaro achisimbisa. Haisi huremu hudiki, inokwanisa kushanda, usanetsekane. Kunze kwekuti zvaisasimbisa. Ndakabva ndafonera amai vangu ipapo ndichivaudza kuti ndaizonotora Loane kuchikoro nyangwe zvese zvese. Ndaizomusiya angosvika Ludo, munzira yaienda kuCHU. Amai vangu vainge votanga kujaira maspecial ops. Akanga agadzirira. Ludo zvakafanana. Makiyi emota achiri muruoko paakasvika, akacheuka akananga kuCHU. Kuma 3am ndakamutswa nema contractions.
– Ludo, ndiri kurwadziwa! Zvinotanga!
- Ah la la, akadanidzira Ludo, chaizvo ipapo. Ndakakungurutswa kukamuri yevashandi uye na8 mangwanani musi waMay 24, 2017, zuva rechipiri rinofadza muupenyu hwangu rakatanga, kuberekwa kwaMathéïs. Zita rekutanga rezvakagadzirwa saLoane, rakawanikwa mwedzi mitatu yapfuura. Pakarepo, Mathéïs akayerwa, kuyerwa, kusimudzwa, zviri pachena. Zviyero zvakanga zvakanaka: masendimita makumi mana nenomwe nehafu uye makirogiramu maviri nemazana mapfumbamwe. Kune mwana achangozvarwa pamavhiki makumi matatu neshanu epamuviri panzvimbo yemakumi mana, zvaive zvakanaka!
Verenga zvakawanda mu "Hupenyu, rudo, pakarepo!" »Kubva kuna Julie Briant kuenda kuAlbin Michel editions.
*Blog "Maman Muco and Co".