"Masochism yakanaka inosimbisa hukama"

Nyanzvi yepfungwa dzechiFrench Eric Smadja ari kuuya kuMoscow kuzopa chinyorwa cheRussia chebhuku rake pamusoro pevakaroorana vemazuva ano uye kuitisa seminari yemazuva maviri sechikamu chepurogiramu yatenzi mu psychoanalytic psychotherapy paNational Research University Higher School of Economics.

Takamubvunza kuti anofungei nezvemubatanidzwa werudo nhasi.

Psychology: Tsika yemazuva ano yekuzvimiririra inokanganisa pfungwa yerudzii rwevaviri vatinoda kuvaka?

Eric Smadja: Nharaunda yedu inoratidzirwa nekuwedzera-kuwanda kwemunhu oga. Vakaroorana vemazuva ano havana kugadzikana, vasina simba, vakasiyana uye vanoda muhukama. Iyi ndiyo pfungwa yangu yevaviri vemazuvano. Zvinhu zvina izvi zvinoratidzira pesvedzero yemunhu oga pakusikwa kwevaviri. Nhasi, imwe yemakakatanwa makuru mune chero vakaroorana ndeyekupikisa kwezvido zve narcissistic uye zvido zvemudiwa uye vakaroorana vose.

Uye pano takatarisana nekangaidzo: kuzvisarudzira kwave kutonga munzanga yemazuva ano, uye upenyu hwevaviri hunotimanikidza kusiya zvimwe zvezvido zvedu pachedu kuitira kuti tigovane upenyu hwemhuri uye kuti huve chinhu chinokosha kwatiri. Nharaunda yedu ine gangaidzo, inoisa hunhu hunokatyamadza patiri. Kune rumwe rutivi, inokurudzira kukura kwevanhu pachavo, asi kune rimwe divi, inoisa pasi rose, maitiro akafanana kune nhengo dzayo dzose: isu tose tinofanira kudya chinhu chimwe chete, kuzvibata nenzira imwe chete, kufunga nenzira yakafanana ...

Zvingaita sekuti tine rusununguko rwekufunga, asi kana tikafunga zvakasiyana nevamwe, vanotarisa kubvunza kwatiri, uye dzimwe nguva vanotiona sevadzingwa. Paunoenda kune chero mall huru, unoona mhando dzakafanana ipapo. Kunyangwe iwe uri chiRussian, chiArgentinian, chiAmerica kana chiFrench, uri kutenga chinhu chimwe chete.

Chii chakanyanya kuoma muhupenyu muri pamwe chete?

Iko hakuna yakanyanya kuoma, kune akati wandei matambudziko anogara aripo. Kurarama "iwe pachako" kwakatooma zvakakwana, kugara nemumwe munhu kwakatonyanya kuoma, kunyange iwe wakabatanidzwa nerudo rukuru. Patinenge tichibata nomumwe munhu, zvakatiomera, nokuti iye akasiyana. Isu tiri kubata nehumwe, kwete mumwe wedu wenarcissistic.

Vese vakaroorana vanosangana nemakakatanwa. Kurwa kwekutanga - pakati pekuzivikanwa uye humwe, pakati pe "ini" uye "zvimwe". Kunyange kana mupfungwa tichiziva kusiyana kwedu, pamwero wepfungwa zvakaoma kuti tigamuchire kuti mumwe wacho akasiyana nesu. Apa ndipo panopinda simba rakazara renarcissism yedu, ane masimba ese uye ehudzvanyiriri. Kukonana kwechipiri inozviratidza mukutsvaga kuenzana pakati pezvido zvenarcissistic uye zvido zvechinhu, pakati pezvido zvangu uye zvido zveumwe.

Kukonana kwechitatu: chiyero chevarume nevakadzi mumumwe nemumwe wevadiwa, kutanga pabonde uye kupera nemabasa echikadzi mumhuri nemuvanhu. Pakupedzisira, kurwisana kwechina - chiyero cherudo uye ruvengo, Eros uye Thanatos, izvo zvinogara zviripo muhukama hwedu.

Imwe manyuko ekuvhiringika - kuchinjisa. Mumwe nemumwe wevadyidzani kune mumwe mufananidzo wekuchinjisa maererano nehama, hanzvadzi, amai, baba. Naizvozvo, muukama nemudiwa, tinotamba zvakare zviitiko zvakasiyana kubva mukufungidzira kwedu kana kubva paudiki. Dzimwe nguva mudiwa achatsiva kwatiri mufananidzo wababa, dzimwe nguva mukoma. Aya manhamba ekutamisana, anosanganisirwa nemudiwa, anova matambudziko muhukama.

Pakupedzisira, semunhu wese, vaviri vanopinda munguva dzekutambudzika muhupenyu hwavo. Izvi hazvidzivisiki, nokuti murume nomudzimai chinhu chipenyu chinoshanduka, chinoshanduka, chinoenda kuburikidza nehuduku hwayo uye kukura kwayo.

Matambudziko anoitika rinhi muvaviri?

Nguva yekutanga yekushungurudza musangano. Kunyangwe isu tichitsvaga musangano uyu uye tichida kugadzira vaviri, ichiri kushungurudza. Iko kune munhu mumwe chete iyi inguva yakaoma, uye zvino inova zvakadaro kune vakaroorana, nokuti ino ndiyo nguva yekuzvarwa kwevakaroorana. Ipapo tinotanga kugara tese, katatu hupenyu hwedu hwese, kujairana. Iyi nguva inogona kupera nemuchato kana imwe nzira yekuumba hukama.

Nguva yechitatu yakakosha ndeyechido kana kusada kuva nemwana, uyezve kuberekwa kwemwana, kuchinja kubva kune maviri kusvika kune matatu. Uku kushungurudza kukuru kune mumwe nemumwe wevabereki uye kune vaviri. Kunyangwe iwe waida mwana, iye achiri mutorwa, achipinda muhupenyu hwako, mune inodzivirira cocoon yevaviri vako. Vamwe vakaroorana vakanaka pamwe chete zvokuti vanotya kuonekwa kwemwana uye havadi. Kazhinji, nyaya iyi pamusoro pekupinda inonakidza zvikuru nokuti mwana anogara ari kunze. Kusvika pakuti munzanga dzechivanhu haatombonzi semunhu, anofanira “kuitwa munhu” kuburikidza netsika dzechivanhu kuti ave chikamu chenharaunda kuti agamuchirwe.

Ndinotaura zvose izvi kune chokwadi chokuti kuberekwa kwemwana kunokonzera kushungurudzika kwepfungwa kune umwe neumwe wevakaroorana uye nokuda kwehutano hwepfungwa hwevakaroorana. Matambudziko maviri anotevera ndeokutanga kuyaruka kwemwana, uyezve kubuda kwevana kubva pamusha wevabereki, chirwere chisina chinhu chedendere, uye kuchembera kwevadiwa, kurega basa, pavanozviwana vari voga nemumwe, vasina vana uye vasina basa, vanova. sekuru nasekuru…

Upenyu hwemhuri hunopfuura nemuzvikamu zvakaoma zvinotichinja uye umo tinokura, tova vakachenjera. Mumwe nomumwe wevakaroorana anofanira kudzidza kutsungirira matambudziko, kutya, kusagutsikana, kukakavara. Izvo zvinodikanwa kushandisa hunyanzvi hweumwe neumwe kubatsira kwevakaroora. Munguva yekukakavadzana, zvinodikanwa kuti mumwe nemumwe wevakaroorana azive mashandisiro ake "akanaka masochism".

Chii chinonzi masochism chakanaka? Ndechokushandisa kugona kwedu kutsungirira kuvhiringidzika, kutsungirira matambudziko, kunonoka mafaro, kumirira. Munguva dzekunetsana kwakanyanya, kuti tisaparadzane uye tigopona muyedzo uyu, tinoda kugona kutsungirira, uye iyi yakanaka masochism.

Zvinonzwa sei kune vakaroorana vasingadi kana kuti vasingagoni kuita mwana? Zviri nyore kugamuchira iye zvino kupfuura kare?

Mukupesana nechaunga chetsika, vakaroorana vemazuva ano vanoomerera kumarudzi akasiyana-siyana ehupenyu hwewanano, hwepabonde. Mhuri yemazuvano inocherechedza kodzero yekusava nemwana. Sangano rinogamuchira mhuri dzisina vana, pamwe chete nevakadzi vasina kuroorwa vane mwana uye varume vane vana. Izvi, zvichida, ndeimwe yekuchinja kukuru munzanga: kana tisina vana, izvi hazvirevi kuti ivo vachatiratidza munwe, kuti isu takashata kupfuura vamwe, kuti tiri vaviri vekirasi yechipiri. Zvakadaro, mukusaziva uye mukusaziva kwevanhu, murume nemukadzi vasina mwana vanoonekwa sechinhu chinoshamisa.

Asi zvakare, zvese zvinoenderana nekuti nzanga ipi yatiri kutaura nezvayo. Zvose zvinoenderana nemufananidzo wemurume nemukadzi sevamiriri venharaunda iyi. Somuenzaniso, munharaunda yeNorth Africa, kana mukadzi asina mwana, haafaniri kuonekwa semukadzi, kana murume asina vana, haasi murume. Asi kunyange munharaunda yekuMadokero, kana iwe usina vana, vanhu vakakupoteredza vanotanga kutaura nezvazvo: zvinosuruvarisa kuti havana mwana, uye nei zvakadaro, ihwo hudyire zvakanyanya, vangangove vane rumwe rudzi. physiological matambudziko.

Sei vakaroorana vachiri kurambana?

Zvikonzero zvikuru zvekuparadzana kusagutsikana pabonde uye kusataudzana kwevaviri. Kana hupenyu hwepabonde, hwatinoti nhasi hunokosha zvikuru, huchitambura, izvi zvinogona kukonzera kuparadzana kwevakaroorana. Kana kuti kana tisina bonde rakakwana mune vakaroorana, tinotanga kutsvaga kugutsikana kwepabonde parutivi. Kana vaviri vacho vasingachakwanisi kuwana nzira yokubuda nayo, vanosarudza kuenda.

Chimwe chinhu - kana mumwe wevakaroorana asingachagoni kutsungirira kugara pamwe chete, anomhanyira kurusununguko. Kana mumwe wevakaroorana achibhadhara zvakanyanya uye simba kumhuri, asi imwe inotarisa pakukura kwega, zvino kugara pamwe chete kunorasikirwa nezvazvinoreva. Vamwe vanhu vasina kusimba vane tsika dzekunarcissistic vanosvika pakugumisa kuti "Ini handichakwanisa kugara mune vakaroora, kwete nekuti ini handichada, asi nekuti zvinoparadza hunhu hwangu." Mune mamwe mazwi, kunyanya-kuzivikanwa nevamwe kunoisa mungozi yangu narcissism uye kuzviratidza kwangu.

Ko kubatana kwekunze kunogamuchirika sei nhasi?

Mune vakaroorana vemazuva ano, mumwe nemumwe anofanira kuva nerusununguko rwakakwana. Zvido zvemunhu ega, zvenarcissistic zvakatora kukosha kukuru. Pane zvirambidzo zvishoma. Asi pamwero wepfungwa, chimwe chibvumirano, chibvumirano che narcissistic, chinopedzwa mune vaviri. "Ndakakusarudza iwe, takasarudza mumwe nemumwe, tichisundwa nechishuvo chekusagadzikana uye nekusingaperi kwehukama hwedu." Mune mamwe mazwi, ndinovimbisa kuti ndiwe wega, wakasarudzika mumwe wangu, uye ndichagara ndinewe. Pfungwa iyi inobatanidzwa nepfungwa yechiKristu yewanano. Pfungwa iyi inogona kunge iri mumusoro medu, asi hazvisi zvese zvinoitika nenzira iyoyo.

Freud akataura kuti libido yemumwe nemumwe wevakaroorana inoshanduka, inodzungaira kubva kune chimwe chinhu ichienda kune chimwe. Nokudaro, chibvumirano chekutanga chakaoma kuzadzisa muupenyu hwose pamwe chete, inopesana nekusiyana kwe libido. Saka nhasi, nekukura kwemunhu oga uye rusununguko, tinogadzira vakaroorana, tichifunga kuti mumwe munhu achatinyengedza, kuti tichava nenyaya dzerudo nevamwe. Izvo zvese zvinoenderana nekuti mumwe nemumwe wevaviri ari mukati mevaviri achachinja sei, chii chichave chiri kukura kwake kwepfungwa, uye isu hatigone kuziva izvi pachine nguva.

Mukuwedzera, zvinoenderana nekushanduka kwevakaroorana pachavo. Yakatanga tsika yerudzii yewanano? Isu, mutsika dzemhuri yakasarudzwa, nemumwe mudiwa, tingavawo nezvimwe zvinobatanidzwa kunze? Pamwe panogona kunge paine nyaya dziri parutivi dzisingarwadzise mudiwa uye dzisingaise mungozi kuvapo kwevakaroorana.