Mukati
Munhu anonyanya kuumbwa nemhoteredzo. Shamwari dzinogona kukanganisa mararamiro ake, maitiro uye nezvimwe zvakawanda. Sezvingatarisirwa, vabereki vanonetseka pamusoro pomubvunzo wokuti mwana wavo ane ani. Uye kana asati awana shamwari, zvino sei kumubatsira mune izvi? Nzira yekudzidzisa sei kusarudza "vanhu" vavo uye kwete kurasikirwa navo?
Vabereki vangabatsira sei vana vavo kuti vave neshamwari uye kuti varambe vaine ushamwari? Chipangamazano uye nyanzvi yezvedzidzo Marty Nemko anotaura nezve izvi.
Bvunza mibvunzo
Usazviganhurire kune chinhu chimwe chete: "Waitei kuchikoro nhasi?" Vana vanowanzopa mhinduro kwairi: "Hungu, hapana."
Edza kubvunza mibvunzo yakaita seiyi, “Chii chawanyanya kuda nezvechikoro nhasi? Chii chausina kuda?" Zvibvunze kuti: "Ndiani waunoda kutaura naye zvakanyanya?" Uye ipapo, pasina kushandura nhaurirano kuita yekubvunzurudza, edza kutsvaga chimwe chinhu nezve shamwari kana musikana uyu: "Sei uchida kutaura naye?" Kana iwe uchida mhinduro, kurudzira: "Nei usingakoke Max kumba kwedu kana kuenda kumwe kumwe naye mushure mekirasi kana pakupera kwevhiki?"
Kana mwana wako akataura kuti chaanonyanya kufarira nezveshamwari itsva ndechekuti "anotonhorera", edza kufunga kuti izwi iri rinorevei. Hushamwari? Ari nyore kutaura naye here? Unoda kuita zvakafanana nemwana wako? Kana kuti akakandira squirrecker squirrecker?
Kana mwana wako akaita ushamwari nemunhu waunoda asi asina kumbotaura kwenguva refu, bvunza kuti, “Max wakadii? Hauna kutaura nezvake kwenguva refu uye hauna kukukoka kuti ushanyire. Uri kutaura here?" Dzimwe nguva vana vanongoda chiyeuchidzo.
Uye kana vakanetsana, tinogona kufunga pamwe chete kuti tingaita sei kuti pave norugare. Somuenzaniso, kana mwana wako akataura chimwe chinhu chinorwadza kuna Max, unogona kumukumbira kuti akumbire ruregerero.
Kana mwana asina shamwari
Vamwe vana vanosarudza kupedza yakawanda yenguva yavo yokusununguka vari voga—kuverenga, kuona TV, kuteerera nziyo, kuridza gitare, kutamba mitambo yepakombiyuta, kana kuti kutarira nepahwindo. Dzvinyiriro yevabereki vanoda kuti vataure zvakawanda inongokonzera kuti vana vakadaro varatidzire.
Asi kana uchifunga kuti mwana wako achiri kuda kuita shamwari, mubvunze nezvazvo. Mhinduro ndeyechokwadi here? Bvunza kuti ndiani chaizvo waangada kushamwaridzana naye: pamwe muvakidzani, waunodzidza naye, kana mwana wavanoenda naye kudenderedzwa vabva kuchikoro. Koka mwana wako kuti akoke mukomana kana musikana wacho kumba kana kuti kuita chimwe chinhu pamwe chete, zvakadai sokutamba panguva yokumbozorora.
Marty Nemko anogovera: paakanga achiri mudiki, aive neshamwari imwe chete yepedyo (kunyangwe vachiri, mushure memakore makumi matanhatu nematatu, shamwari dzepamoyo). Vamwe vana vanenge vasina kumbomukumbira kutamba pamwe chete uye havana kumukoka kuti ashanyire.
Akazoona kuti zvichida, zvimwe muchidimbu, izvi zvakakonzerwa nokuti aifarira kuratidza ruzivo rwake - somuenzaniso, kururamisa vamwe vana vasinganeti. Anoshuva kuti vabereki vake vakanyatsoteerera maitiro aaiita nevezera rake. Kana ainzwisisa kuti dambudziko raiva rei, ainyanya kunetseka.
Iva akasununguka uye ane ushamwari kushamwari dzemwana wako
Vana vazhinji vanonzwa kuti vanogamuchirwa sei muimba yavasingazivi. Kana shamwari ikashanyira mwanakomana kana mwanasikana wako, iva noushamwari uye usununguke. Kwazisai, mupe chokudya.
Asi kana usina chikonzero chokunetseka, usavhiringidza vana pakukurukurirana. Vana vakawanda vanoda kuva vega. Panguva imwecheteyo, usatya kukoka vana kuti vaite chimwe chinhu pamwe chete - chimwe chinhu chokubika, kudhirowa kana kugadzira, kana kutoenda kuchitoro.
Kana vana vangozivana zviri nani, koka shamwari yemwana wako kuti igare panzvimbo yako kana kuti ubatane nekuenda kwako kwevhiki.
rudo rweuduku
Vabereki vanowanzoona zvakaoma kana vana vavo vakadanana kekutanga, vanotanga kufambidzana nemumwe munhu uye vane ruzivo rwavo rwekutanga rwepabonde. Iva akasununguka kuitira kuti mwana wako anzwe kuti anogona kutaura newe. Asi usavanza maonero ako kana uchifunga kuti mwana wako akadanana naye anogona kumurwadzisa.
Usatya kubvunza mibvunzo: “Wanga uchitaura zvakawanda nezvaLena mazuva ano. Iwe naye muri sei?"
Chii chekuita neshamwari dzevana vako dzausingade?
Ngatitii haudi shamwari yemwana wako. Zvichida anonzvenga chikoro, anoshandisa zvinodhaka, kana kuti anokurudzira mwanakomana kana kuti mwanasikana wako kupandukira vadzidzisi pasina chikonzero. Chokwadi unoda kurega kutaurirana neshamwari yakadaro.
Zvechokwadi, hapana chivimbo chokuti mwana achakuteerera uye haazotauri neshamwari iyi muchivande. Kunyange zvakadaro, taura zvakasimba kuti: “Ndinovimba newe, asi ndiri kunetseka nezvaVlad uye ndinokumbira kuti urege kutaura naye. Unonzwisisa chikonzero nei?"
Vezera ravo vanopesvedzera vana zvakanyanya kupfuura vabereki. Mhedziso iyi yakaitwa nemunyori webhuku rinonzi "Nei vana vachichinja sezvavari?" (The Nurture Assumption: Nei Vana Vachichinja Maitiro Avanoita?) naJudith Rich Harris. Saka, kusarudza shamwari kunokosha zvikuru.
Maiwe, hapana chinyorwa chinogona kunge chine ese nuances eese mamiriro auchasangana nawo muhupenyu. Asi zano raMarty Nemko rinogona kukubatsira kutsigira vana vako muushamwari nevanhu vavanoda uye vaunoda.