Nzira yekurega sei kuva nyajambwa wemamiriro ezvinhu

Isu tinogara tichizviwana tiri mumamiriro ezvinhu apo vanhu vanotamisa mutoro kwatiri, uye hatitombocherechedzi kuti isu pachedu tinoita zvakafanana sei. Asi iyi haisiriyo nzira yekubudirira. John Miller, murairidzi webhizinesi uye munyori wenzira yekuvandudza mutoro wega, anoshandisa mienzaniso kubva muhupenyu hwake kukuudza chaizvo maitiro ekutora mutoro uye nei uchiuda.

Mutoro wega

Ndakamira pachiteshi chepeturu kuti ndiwane kofi, asi poto yacho yakanga isina chinhu. Ndakatendeukira kumutengesi, asi akanongedzera mumwe waaishanda naye chigunwe ndokupindura kuti: “Bazi rake ndiro rine basa rokubika kofi.”

Iwe unogona kurangarira gumi nembiri nyaya dzakafanana kubva muhupenyu hwako:

• “Vatariri vezvitoro havasi ivo vane mhosva yezvinhu zvakasiiwa mumakiyari”;
• “Handigoni kuwana basa renguva dzose nemhaka yokuti handina vatano”;
• “Vanhu vane zvipo havapiwi mukana wokupfuura napo”;
• "Mamaneja anogashira mamirioni emabhonasi egore, asi ini handina kupihwa imwe bhonasi ye5 makore ebasa."

Aya ese mativi emutoro usina kugadzirwa wemunhu. Zvishoma kazhinji uchasangana nemuenzaniso wakasiyana: vakapa basa rakanaka, vakabatsira mumamiriro ezvinhu akaoma, vakakurumidza kugadzirisa dambudziko. Ndinacho.

Ndakamhanya murestaurant kuti ndidye. Nguva yakanga iri shoma, uye kwakanga kune boka revashanyi. Mumwe mufesi akakurumidza kupfuura negomo rendiro dzine tsvina mutireyi ndokubvunza kana ndakanga ndapiwa. Ndakapindura kuti handisati ndave, asi ndinoda kuhodha saladhi, rolls uye Diet Coke. Zvakazoonekwa kuti pakanga pasina cola, uye ndaifanira kukumbira mvura ine lemon. Nenguva isipi ndakagamuchira odha yangu, uye Diet Coke imwe miniti gare gare. Jakobho (ndiro rakanga riri zita romushandi) akatuma mutariri wake kuchitoro nokuda kwake. Handina kuzviita ini.

Mushandiwo zvake haagari aine mukana wekuratidza basa rakanaka, asi kufunga kwakasimba kunowanikwa kune wese munhu. Zvakakwana kurega kutya kutora mutoro uye kuzvipira kubasa rako nerudo. Kufunga kwakasimba kunopihwa mubayiro. Mwedzi mishomanana gare gare, ndakadzokera kuresitorendi ndokuwana kuti Jacob akanga akwidziridzwa.

Mibvunzo inorambidzwa

Tsiva mibvunzo yekunyunyuta nemibvunzo yekuita. Ipapo iwe unogona kukudziridza mutoro wega uye kubvisa iyo psychology yeakabatwa.

“Nei munhu asingandidi?”, “Nei pasina munhu asingadi kushanda?”, “Nei izvi zvakaitika kwandiri?” Iyi mibvunzo haina zvibereko nokuti haitungamiri kune mhinduro. Vanongoratidza kuti munhu anovabvunza anenge abatwa nemamiriro ezvinhu uye hapana chaanokwanisa kushandura. Zviri nani kubvisa izwi rekuti "nei" zvachose.

Kune mamwe makirasi maviri emibvunzo "yakashata": "ndiani" uye "rini". "Ndiani ane mhosva yeizvi?", "Migwagwa yemunharaunda yangu ichagadziriswa riini?" Muchiitiko chekutanga, tinoendesa mutoro kune rimwe dhipatimendi, mushandi, mukuru uye kupinda mudenderedzwa rakashata rekupomera. Muchipiri - tinoreva kuti tinogona chete kumirira.

Mutori wenhau ari mupepanhau anotumira chikumbiro kune vezvenhau uye anomirira mhinduro. Zuva rechipiri. Ndine husimbe hwekufona, uye nguva dzechinyorwa dziri kupera. Kana pasina pokumira, anofona. Vakakurukura naye zvakanaka vakatumira mhinduro mangwanani. Zvakatora maminetsi matatu, uye basa remutori wenhau rakakwevera mberi kwemazuva mana.

Mibvunzo yakarurama

"Zvakarurama" mibvunzo inotanga nemashoko okuti "Chii?" uye "Sei?": "Chii chandingaite kuti ndiite mutsauko?", "Sei kuita kuti mutengi avimbike?", "Sei kushanda zvakanyanya?", "Chii chandinofanira kudzidza kuunza kukosha kwakawanda kune kambani? ”

Kana mubvunzo usiri iwo ukaratidza chinzvimbo chemunhu asingakwanisi kushandura chero chinhu, saka mibvunzo yakakodzera inokurumidza kuita uye inoita kufunga kwakasimba. "Zvakanaka, sei izvi zviri kuitika kwandiri?" haidi mhinduro. Ichi chichemo chinopfuura mubvunzo. "Sei izvi zvaitika?" inobatsira kunzwisisa zvikonzero.

Kana iwe ukanyatsotarisisa iyo «yakaipa» mibvunzo, zvinoitika kuti dzinenge dzese dzine rhetorical. Mhedziso: mibvunzo yenhando yakaipa.

Collective responsibility

Iko hakuna basa rekubatana, ioxymoron. Kana mutengi akauya nechichemo, mumwe munhu ega ndiye anofanira kupindura kwaari. Kunyange mumuviri, vashandi vose havazokwanisi kumira pamberi pemushanyi asina kugutsikana uye pamwe chete vanopindura chichemo.

Ngatiti iwe unoda kutora chikwereti kubhangi. Takasvika kuhofisi ndokusaina mapepa ese, takamirira mhinduro. Asi chimwe chinhu chakashata, uye bhangi haritauri nezvechisarudzo charo. Mari inodiwa nekukurumidza, woenda kuhofisi kunogadzirisa zvinhu. Zvakazoonekwa kuti mapepa ako akarasika. Iwe hausi kufarira kuti ndiani ane mhosva, iwe unoda kukurumidza kugadzirisa dambudziko.

Mushandi webhangi anoteerera kusagutsikana kwako, achikumbira ruregerero nemwoyo wose, kunyange zvazvo asina mhosva, anomhanya kubva kune rimwe dhipatimendi kuenda kune rimwe uye mumaawa mashomanana anouya nechisarudzo chakagadzirirwa chakanaka. Basa rekubatana ibasa remunhu muchimiro charo chakachena. Ndihwo hushingi hwekukunda timu yese uye nekupfuura nemunguva dzakaoma.

Mhosva yeweta Jacob muenzaniso mukuru wemutoro wakaungana. Chinangwa chekambani ndechekubata mutengi wega wega nehanya. Akateverwa nawaiter vese namaneja. Funga nezve izvo maneja wemutsara wako angati kana ukamutuma kunotora Coke yemutengi? Kana asina kugadzirira chiito chakadaro, saka hazvisi zvake kuti adzidzise vashandi vake basa rekambani.

Dzidziso yezvinhu zvidiki

Isu tinowanzo kusagutsikana nezviri kuitika zvakatipoteredza: vakuru vakuru vanotora chiokomuhomwe, havagadzirise yadhi, muvakidzani akamisa motokari nenzira iyo isingabviri kupfuura. Tinogara tichida kushandura vamwe vanhu. Asi basa romunhu oga rinotanga nesu. Ichi ndicho chokwadi chebhanari: isu pachedu pachedu patinenge tichichinja, nyika nevanhu vakatipoteredza vanotangawo kushanduka zvisingaoneki.

Ndakaudzwa imwe nyaya yeimwe chembere. Boka repwere raiwanzoungana pamukova wake, vainwa doro, vachirasa uye vachiita ruzha. Chembere haina kutyisidzira mapurisa uye kutsiva, haina kuvadzinga. Aiva nemabhuku akawanda pamba, uye masikati akatanga kuabudisa kumusuwo ndokuaisa pahwindo, paiwanzoungana vechiduku. Vakambozviseka zvavo. Zvishoma nezvishoma ndakadzijaira ndokutanga kuverenga. Vakaita hushamwari nachembere iya ndokutanga kuikumbira mabhuku.

Iko kushanduka hakuzokurumidza, asi kwavari zvakakodzera kuva nemoyo murefu.

D. Miller "Proactive Thinking" (MIF, 2015).