Une chokwadi chekuti wataura chokwadi, asi mumwe wacho anoti zvaita sewauri. Iwe unoziva zvawakanzwa uye kuona, asi iwe unotanga kukahadzika, nokuti murume wako akati zvinhu zvose zvakasiyana. Pakupedzisira, unosvika pakugumisa kuti: "Zviri pachena kuti ndine chimwe chinhu chakaipa nemusoro wangu." Iyo nyaya yeheroine ndeye maitiro ekuziva gaslighting uye kumisa kuderera.
Mumwe mukadzi ane makore XNUMX ekuzvarwa akauya kuzorapwa. Pashure pemakore makumi maviri emuchato, akanzwa asina chinhu zvachose, asingakoshi uye aida kufa nokukurumidza sezvaaigona. Pakutanga kuona, pakanga pasina zvikonzero zvakajeka zvezviitiko zvekuzviuraya uye kunzwa kunogara kunorwadza mupfungwa. Vana vanoshamisa, imba imbiya yakazara, murume ane hanya uye ane rudo. Kubva kumusangano kuenda kumusangano, takatsvaka zvikonzero zvokuora mwoyo kwake.
Pane imwe nguva mutengi akarangarira chiitiko chakaitika makore mazhinji apfuura. Mhuri yacho yakafamba-famba muRussia nemotokari, mukati mezuva ivo "vakadzingwa" nemutyairi muLada yekare, uye vakapfuura, vakatendeuka, vachigunun'una, vachiratidza chiito chinonyadzisa. Vakaseka vachifara nemutyairi uyu. Vachidzokera kumba, vakakoka shamwari, uye mutengi, semuridzi wemba, akatanga kuudza vaenzi nezvemunhu aidzingirira, achiratidza zviso zvemurume wacho muzviso zvake uye mavara.
Murume akaerekana ataura kuti mudzimai wake ari kuvhiringa zvinhu zvose. Mutyairi akangovabata kamwe chete uye haana kufinyamisa kumeso. Mutengi wangu akasimbirira kuti zvese zvakaitika sezvaakatsanangura. Murume akabvunza mwanakomana wake, yakanga iri nzira iyo amai vanorondedzera nayo, kana kuti matauriro aanoita? Mwanakomana akati baba vaitaura chokwadi. Saka mukadzi akaiswa "kupenga" pamberi pevaenzi.
Zuva rakatevera, panguva yekudya kwemangwanani, akaedzazve kugadzirisa zviitiko, asi murume wake nevana vaiti aifungidzira. Zvishoma nezvishoma, mukuita kwe psychotherapy, ndangariro dzakasundira kunze episodhi nyowani dzekudzikisira kubva kune subconscious. Murume wake haana kuita hanya naye, akasimbisa kusakwana kwake pamberi pevana vake, hama neshamwari. Mutengi wacho akarangarira kuchema kwaakaita zvinorwadza pashure pomusangano wevabereki nomudzidzisi, apo mudzidzisi akarava rondedzero yechienzi nomwanasikana wake mudukusa, apo zvikanganiso zvaamai zvakarongwa pfundo nepfundo, nepo vamwe vana vachinyora zvinhu zvinofadza uye zvakanaka bedzi pamusoro pavanamai vavo. .
Chinangwa chikuru chekuvheneka gasi ndechekudyara kusava nechokwadi mune mumwe munhu nezvekukwana kwavo, kuzvikoshesa.
Pane imwe nguva, pakudya kwemanheru, akaona kuti vana nababa vake vaimuseka: murume wake akanga achitevedzera madyiro ake ... murume wake. Kana akabudirira pabasa, ivo vakabva vadzikiswa kana kufuratirwa. Asi panguva imwecheteyo, murume aigara achiyeuka zuva remuchato, zuva rekuzvarwa uye mamwe mazuva asingakanganwiki, akamupa zvipo zvinodhura, ane rudo uye munyoro, ane shungu mune zvepabonde.
Mutengi wangu akawana simba rekutaura pachena nevana uye akaona kuti murume wake kumashure kwake akavaita vadyidzani mumutambo wake. Chikonzero chekuora mwoyo kwemutengi kwakawanikwa kuva kwakarongeka kuvharidzirwa kwemanzwiro ekushungurudzwa, izvo zvinonzi nenyanzvi dzepfungwa dzinoti gaslighting.
Gaslighting inzira chaiyo yekushungurudzwa kwepfungwa umo mushungurudzwa anobata munhu anenge abatwa. Chinangwa chikuru chekuvheneka gasi ndechekudyara kusava nechokwadi mune mumwe munhu nezvekukwana kwavo, kuzvikoshesa. Kazhinji mutambo wehutsinye uyu unotambwa nevarume maererano nemukadzi.
Ndakabvunza mutengi wacho kana akanga asina kuona muitiro wokushungurudzwa mupfungwa musati maroorana. Hongu, akaona kunyomba uye kushora kwechikomba kuna ambuya naamai vake, asi nekuchenjera akakwanisa kumukurudzira kuti vadikani vake vakakodzera, iye ari ngirozi munyama ... teerera kune mabarbs, witticisms nezviito zvinoisa kupokana kwete chete pakukosha kwayo nekuzvikoshesa, asiwo pakukwana kwayo.
Pakupedzisira, iye pachake akatanga kutenda kuti haana kumiririra chero chinhu munzanga uye, kazhinji, aiva "anopenga" zvishoma. Asi haugoni kutsausa mweya wako nomuviri wako: kutemwa nomusoro kwakanyanya uye kurwadziwa mupfungwa zvakamuunza kwandiri.
Iyo gaslighter, seBluebeard, ine kamuri yakavanzika kwaanochengeta kwete zvitunha zvevakadzi vekare, asi mweya yakaparara yevakadzi vakabatwa.
Maererano nechiitiko ichi, ndinoyeuka kuti Dunya Raskolnikova, hanzvadzi ye protagonist yebhuku raDostoevsky rinonzi Crime and Punishment, akaudza mukoma wake nezvemukomana wake Luzhin. Rodion Raskolnikov akamutsiura nehasha kuti, achifananidzira chikomba, anowanzoshandisa shoko rokuti "zvinoita", uye zvinoratidzika kuti "zvinoita" kuroora nokuda kweizvi.
Kunyanya zvakanyanya dambudziko rekushungurudzika kwakavanzika kwemurume rinosimudzwa mune ngano "Bluebeard". Semwenga, musikana anotenda kuti Bluebeard yakanaka, asi ine oddities. Anobvisa fungidziro dzake, sezvinoita mutengi wangu, uye vazhinji vedu.
Asi gaslighter, segamba rengano, ane kamuri yakavanzika kwaanochengeta kwete zvitunha zvevakadzi vekare, asi mweya yakaparara yevakadzi - vanobatwa nekushungurudzwa kwepfungwa. Nokukurumidza kana kuti gare gare (asi zviri nani nokukurumidza) mukadzi anofanira kufunga: sei zvinorwadza kuti ave pedyo nemurume ane mufananidzo wekunze unobudirira?
Inodeura kiyi yekamuri yakavanzika yakavanzwa mukati memukati mekusaziva kwedu, kwatinotumira zvese zvinoburitsa chokwadi chisingaite zvekuti kune sadist padhuze, achitsvaga kuwana simba rakakwana pamusoro pedu uye kuwana mufaro kubva mukurwadziwa kwedu kwepfungwa.
Kuporesa - kutarisana negaslighter - kunotanga nekubvunza mubvunzo wakakodzera kuita kuti zvisingaoneki zvionekwe. Maonero ane chinangwa chezviri kuitika achakubvumidza iwe kukudziridza nzira chaiyo yekuzvibata uye kuvaka miganhu yemunhu mukutaurirana negaslighter.
Chii chaunofanira kuita kana iwe uchifungidzira kuti mumwe wako ane gaslighter?
- Dzidza kusiyanisa zano rehushamwari nerutsigiro kubva pakutsoropodza nechishuwo chakavanzika chekuzvisimbisa pamutengo wako.
- Uye kana iwe wakanzwa bhero risingaoneki remweya wako - "zvinoita sokuti akanaka kwazvo", - usakurumidza kupinda muukama hwepedyo neizvi "zvinoita sezviri".
- Ipa nguva yekuti chakavanzika chibude pachena.
- Bvisa runako rwekufungidzira uchinakira murume, kunyangwe angaite seakanaka sei kwauri pakutanga.
- Kazhinji, kudenha kwakagadzirwa neunyanzvi kunotibvumira kuona chiso chechokwadi chegasi kunotibatsira kubvisa fungidziro.
- Usambofa wakarega chero munhu akudaidza kuti "mudiwa", apa ndipo panotangira nyaya dzakawanda dzinosuwisa.