Mukati
Ndiani akati hupenyu hunogara huchikunda? Kunyange kana nyika chaiyo ikaramba ichitiedza kuti tiwane simba, hatizotamburi. Tinogona, pasina kuwira mukunyengedza, titarise zvakanyanya kuvimba uye nenzira yakanaka. Uye kufadzana.
"Zuva rakasviba rinopenya kubva mukunyemwerera!" ... "Uye unonyemwerera kune uyo akagara mudziva!" ... Akanaka ekare eSoviet cartoons, iyo inopfuura chizvarwa chimwe chete cheRussia yakakurira, haisi iyo isina ruzivo, sezvazvinoitika. Uye iye zvino mafungiro ekubatsira kwatakapiwa muhuduku naLittle Raccoon nemamwe "makatuni" anotorwa nemunhu mukuru wemufirimu Munchausen-Yankovsky: "Ndinonzwisisa kuti dambudziko rako nderei - iwe wakanyanyisa. Chiso chakangwara hachisati chiri chiratidzo chehungwaru, machinda. Zvinhu zvese zvakapusa pasi pano zvinoitwa nechiso ichi… Smile, machinda! Smile!
Asi hupenyu chaihwo hausi ngano yeDisney kana Soyuzmultfilm; kazhinji zvinotipa zvikonzero zvekusuwa, uye kunyange kuora mwoyo. “Hanzvadzi yangu inogara ichindiudza kuti ndiri munhu anon’un’una, ndinoona zvinhu zvose zviri zvitema,” anobvuma kudaro Natalya ane makore 36 okukura. - Hongu, ndinoona kuti mitengo yechikafu nembatya iri kukwira sei. Zvakaoma kunakidzwa apo gore rino ndakapedza kwete 1, asi 10 zviuru pakugadzirira mwanakomana wangu wechitatu-giredhi yeSeptember 15. Ndinoona kuti amai vedu vari kuchembera sei, uye zvinondishungurudza. Ndinonzwisisa kuti rimwe zuva hazvizodaro. Uye hanzvadzi inoti: saka fara kuti achiri mupenyu. Ndinoda, asi handikwanise "kubvisa" zvakaipa."
Kana tikamirira mamiriro ezvinhu chaiwo kuti tinakidzwe, pane mukana wekuti hatizombofa takaawana akanaka zvakakwana. Kunyemwerera muupenyu isarudzo yokuziva, anodaro mumongi wechiBuddha Thich Nhat Hanh. Mubhuku rinonzi Be Free Where You Are, anorayira “kuonga nhambo iri yose youpenyu, miniti iri yose, kuishandisa nokuda kwokuwana kusimba kwomudzimu, rugare rwomweya uye mufaro mumwoyo.” Asi zvakakosha kuyeuka kuti mufaro une mimvuri yakawanda, uye mumwe nemumwe wedu anosangana uye anozviratidza nenzira yedu.
Misiyano miviri mikuru
“Tese tinozvarwa tiine humwe unhu, manzwi, kune vamwe zvakakwirira, kune vamwe zvakaderera. Neimwe nzira, inoiswa pasi genetically, - inotsanangura iyo humanistic psychotherapist Alexei Stepanov. Mufaro ndeimwe yemanzwiro akakosha emunhu, anowanikwa kune wese. Isu tose, mukusavapo kwepathologies, tinokwanisa kuona huwandu hwakazara hwemanzwiro. Asi kufara uye kuva netariro hazvisi chinhu chimwe chete. Aya mazano ndee "kubva pamabhedha akasiyana".
Mufaro chimiro chepfungwa chenguva yacho. Optimism seti yemafungiro, zvitendero zvinotenderwa kwenguva yakareba, dzimwe nguva kwehupenyu hwose. Aya mafungiro emufaro kune zviri kuitika mune zvese, pfungwa yekuve munyika, kusanganisira kuvimba nekubudirira mune ramangwana. Mufaro ndiwo mamiriro ezvinhu anorarama pazvitendero izvi.”
Iwe unogona kuseka kuseka kwakanaka kweshamwari kana kunyemwerera paunenge uchiverenga bhuku, asi panguva imwechete tarisa hupenyu huzhinji kuburikidza negirazi rakasvibiswa neutsi, senge muzuva panguva yekuora. Uye unogona kufungidzira kuseri kwedhisiki dema remwedzi uchipinda mumwaranzi yezuva.
Kugona kuona zvakanaka, kunyangwe paine miedzo munzira yehupenyu, inogona kuve maitiro anopfuudzwa mukuita dzidzo.
“Wandaishanda naye akafirwa nemudzimai wake mutsaona yemotokari makore maviri apfuura. Handitombogoni kufungidzira kuti kwakamira sei,” anodaro Galina ane makore 52 okukura. - Ane makore 33, mwedzi miviri isati yaitika, mwanasikana akaberekwa. Aida mudzimai wake zvikuru, vaiuya pamwe chete pazororo rose rekambani yedu. Taitya kuti aizokanda mapfumo pasi. Asi akamboti Lena achamutsiura nekupererwa. Uye kuti mwanasikana awane rudo rwakakura sezvaaifanira kuwana paakazvarwa.
Ndinoteerera sezvaanotaura achinyemwerera nezvenhanho dzokutanga dzemusikana wacho, kutamba kwaanoita naye, kuti anotaridzika sei saLena muduku ari pamifananidzo, uye ndinonzwa kudziya zvikuru nokuda kwesimba rake nouchenjeri!”
Iko kukwanisa kuona zvakanaka, kunyange kana kune miedzo panzira yehupenyu, inogona kunge iri mafungiro akapfuudzwa mukugadzirisa dzidzo, kana kuti zvichida chikamu chekodhi yetsika. "Kana akathists akaimbwa kuvasande, hauzonzwa mazwi" Fara, fara, seka, usaora mwoyo! Iwe uchanzwa "Fara!". Saka, nyika iyi, kunyangwe mutsika, inotsanangurwa seyakakosha, yakakosha, manzwiro akadzama, "Alexey Stepanov anokwevera pfungwa dzedu. Hazvisi pasina kuti avo vanotambura nokuora mwoyo vanonyunyuta kutanga kwezvose kuti havachanzwi mufaro, uye kune vakawanda izvi hazvitsungiririki zvokuti vakagadzirira kusiya hupenyu hwavo. Unogona kurasikirwa nomufaro, asi unogona kuuwana here?
Ndega uye nevamwe
Kune yakadaro yakakurumbira recipe yeblues - enda kugirazi uye tanga kunyemwerera iwe pachako. Uye mushure mechinguva tichanzwa kuwedzera kwesimba. Nei zvichishanda?
“Kunyemwerera hakusi kurudziro yakarongeka. Kumashure kwayo kune yakadzika psychophysiological nzira, - anodaro Alexei Stepanov. - Vazhinji vanopokana vanoongorora kunyemwerera kweAmerica sekunyepedzera. Ndinofunga kuti akasikwa hake. Pane mafungiro mutsika ekunyemwerera, uye kunosanganisira kuchinja kwemanzwiro muhuwandu. Edza basa racho: tora penzura mumazino ako uye uibate pasi. Miromo yako inozotambanudzwa usingadi. Iyi inzira yekukwezva kunyemwerera. Uye wotarisa manzwiro ako.
Zvinozivikanwa kuti mamiriro edu epfungwa anoratidzwa pane masimba emuviri, maitiro atinoita, zviso zvipi zvatinazvo, mafambiro atinoita. Asi kubatana kwemuviri uye manzwiro anoshanda kune zvakasiyana. Nokutanga kunyemwerera, tinogona kusimbisa uye kusimbisa zviitiko zvedu zvakanaka nokuzviudza vamwe. Mushure mezvose, hazvisi pasina kuti vanoti kusuruvara kwakagoverwa kunova hafu yakawanda, uye kugoverana mufaro - kaviri.
Usaregeredza kunyemwerera - kune interlocutor chiratidzo mukukurukurirana kuti takachengeteka kuti tibatane
“Kana rudo rwedu, ukama hwedu hwenzanga uye hwemhuri huri hwechokwadi uye huchienderana, tinonzwawo zviri nani,” anoyeuchidza kudaro Dominique Picard, nyanzvi yezvekurwisana. Kuti avatsigire, anorayira kutevera kuwirirana kwezvikamu zvitatu: kuchinjana, kuzivikanwa uye kuenderana. Kugova kune kupa nekugamuchira zvakaenzana, ingave nguva, rumbidzo, nyasha, kana zvipo. Kuzivikanwa ndeye kugamuchira mumwe munhu seakasiyana zvakanyanya nesu.
Chekupedzisira, kuenderana kunoreva kusarudza nzira yekutaurirana inoenderana nemanzwiro edu panguva ino, sekusapa zviratidzo zvinokatyamadza kana zvinopokana zvinogona kukonzera kushushikana kana kukonzera kusawirirana. Uye usaregeredza kunyemwerera - kune interlocutor, ichi chiratidzo mukukurukurirana kuti isu takachengeteka kuti tibatane.
Tarisiro ine mufungo uye kusava netariro kunobatsira
Tsika ipi neipi yokunyanyisa, sekuti “Ndinogona kuita chero chinhu chipi zvacho” kana kuti “handina chandinogona kupesvedzera chero chinhu,” inodaro imwe nyanzvi yepfungwa Marina Cold. Asi unogona kuwana mwero.
Kusvika pamwero wakadini watinoda kunzvera mano edu timene namano, tinorangarira chinoitika chedu chomunguva yakapfuura, tinoyera nenzira chaiyoiyo sei mamiriro ezvinhu akakura panguva ino? Pasina kudzora kwehungwaru kwakadaro, tariro inoshanduka kuita mufananidzo wemanyepo wepasi uye inongove nengozi - inogona kunzi tarisiro isina kufunga, inotungamira kune kusave nehanya nemamiriro ezvinhu.
Chete akavhenekerwa pessimist anogona kuve ane tariro yechokwadi, uye hapana gangaidzo mune izvi. Munhu asina tariro, asingavimbi fungidziro pamusoro penguva yemberi, asingavaki fungidziro, anofunga nezvesarudzo dzemaitiro, achitsvaga dzingabvira nzira dzekudzivirira, kuisa uswa pachine nguva. Anonyatsonzwisisa zviri kuitika, anocherechedza zvakasiyana-siyana uye zvikamu zvechiitiko chacho, uye somuuyo, ane chiono chakajeka chemamiriro acho ezvinhu.
Asi kazhinji vamwe vanhu vanofunga kuti: "Pane mhirizhonga yakakwana yakandipoteredza, zvese zvinoitika zvisingadzoreki, hapana chinotsamira pandiri, hapana chandinogona kuita." Uye vanova vasina tariro. Vamwe vane chokwadi chokuti: “chero chii chinoitika, ndinogona neimwe nzira kupesvedzera, ndichapindira ndoita zvandinogona, uye ndatova neruzivo rwakadaro, ndakakunda.” Izvi ndezvechokwadi, tarisiro inonzwisisika, yakabatana kwete nezvinhu zvekunze, asi nemukati, ine chinzvimbo chemunhu. Pessimism - semaonero akakomba ezvinhu - inotibatsira kunyatsoongorora mamiriro uye kufunga kuburikidza nemhedzisiro.
Ngativimbei netsitsi
Uye zvakadaro, munhu anonyanya kufara anogona kutivhundutsa, kana kuti akonzeresa kusavimba. “Mufaro wakanyanya unovhiringidza kunzwira tsitsi. Pamusoro pemanzwiro, isu takaparadzaniswa neavo vakatipoteredza, matsi kwavari, - Aleksey Stepanov anonyevera. "Mumamiriro ezvinhu aya, isu hatitarise vamwe zvakaringana, dzimwe nguva tichiti hunhu hwakanaka kune wese anenge aripo, kunyangwe mumwe munhu angave akasuwa panguva iyoyo uye mufaro wedu ungave usina kumukodzera."
Zvichida ndosaka tisingavimbi nevaya vanogara vachinyemwerera? Tinoda kuti interlocutor ienderane kwete chete nemanzwiro avo, asiwo funga nezvedu! Muiti wepfungwa yekukurukurirana kusina chisimba, Marshall Rosenberg, anokurudzira kurarama zvakakwana nekunzwira tsitsi, kutora izvo interlocutor anonzwa uye zvaanogara pano uye zvino, kwete nekubatsirwa kwenjere dzake, asi nerubatsiro rwe intuition, kugamuchira. Anonzwa sei? Chii chausingade kutaura? Chii chinomuvhiringa muhunhu hwangu? Chii chatingaita kuti tinzwe takasununguka mupfungwa?
“Uyu hunhu hwouhama hunoda kuti tirege kuzvifunga, mirangariro yedu yomunhu oga nenharidzano yedu, kuti tipinde pasina rusaruro norutyo munzvimbo yendangariro nemirangariro zvomumwe,” anodaro Rosenberg.
Ndiyo utopia here? Pamwe, asi isu tinofanirwa kuregera maitiro ekuremekedza uye inzwi rinovaka, kamwechete panguva. Uye nyemwerera nomwoyo wose kakawanda.
mufaro usingatarisirwi
Zvinotibatsira kutora danho rekutanga rekufara. Kunyanya kuPsychologies, munyori Mariam Petrosyan akagovera manzwiro ake emufaro.
“Mufaro unowanikwa pasi rose uye panguva imwe chete uri wega. Pane nguva dzinofadza munhu wese, uye pane nguva dzekuti vashoma chete vanofara nazvo. Kune rudungwe rurefu, rusingagumi rwerufaro rwepasi rose. Kunyangwe zvisinei kuti unoitambanudza sei, muhudiki ichiri kure ...
Mufaro woga woga unogara usingafungidziriki, hautsananguriki. Kupenya - uye furemu yechando isingaonekwe kune dzimwe nyika kwandiri ndega. Kune mufaro unooneka, kana uri, semuenzaniso, kumbundira - kupenya kwekudziya kwemukati. Iwe unobata mufaro wakadaro mumaoko ako, unounzwa nemuviri wako wose, asi hazvibviri kuzviyeuka. Uye kunakidzwa kwekuona kunogona kuchengetwa mundangariro uye kusanganisirwa muunganidzwa wega wemifananidzo yekurangarira. Shandura kuita chibatiso.
Mwanakomana ane makore masere okuberekwa akaenda pa trampoline ndokuoma kwechinguva, maoko akatambanudzirwa mudenga. Kuvhuvhuta kwemhepo kwakangoerekana kwavhuvhuta mashizha eyero akajeka kubva pasi. Nei chaizvo iyi mifananidzo? Zvakangoitika. Munhu wese ane muunganidzwa wake. Hazvibviri kunzwisisa kana kudzokorora mashiripiti enguva dzakadaro. Kutora mwana kuti asvetuke pa trampoline zviri nyore. Angatofara kudarika nguva yadarika. Asi nguva inobaya yerufaro haizodzokororwi, nguva haigoni kumira. Inoramba ichingovanza iyo yapfuura, kuboora, kure uye kuchengeta kusvikira yapera.
Kwandiri, mufaro chete wegungwa unodzokororwa. Iyo nguva iyo inotanga kuvhura kuziso mune zvese zvisingaperi, girini, bhuruu, inopenya, chero nguva yezuva uye mune chero mamiriro ekunze. Mumwe anogona kungoshamisika kuti sei wakaparadzaniswa naye kwenguva yakareba kudaro, sei usingagari pedyo nechinhu chinogona kupa mufaro nechokwadi chekuvapo kwayo, uchiziva kuti kuvapo nguva dzose pedyo kunoderedza manzwiro aya kune maitiro ezuva nezuva, uye zvakadaro. ndisingatendi kuti zvinogoneka .
Pedyo negungwa - mimhanzi inorarama. Anogara achipfuura, ane nguva yekukuvadza, kubata, ndapota, buritsa chimwe chinhu chakavanzika… Asi haana kusimba. Zvakakwana kuti munhu akosore pedyo, uye chishamiso chaenda.
Uye mufaro usingatauriki ndiwo mufaro wezuva rinofadza. Kana zvinhu zvanaka mangwanani. Asi nekufamba kwemakore, mazuva iwayo anowedzera kushomeka. Nokuti nekufamba kwenguva, mamiriro makuru ekuwana mufaro, kusava nehanya, anopera zvachose. Asi kana takura, ndipo patinonyanya kukosha nguva idzi. Kungoti hazviwanzoitiki. Izvi zvinoita kuti vasatarisirwe zvakanyanya uye vakakosha. "