Mukati
Nyaya yacho ndeyekare senyika: iye akanaka, akachenjera, akabudirira, asi nokuda kwechimwe chikonzero anooma kwemakore kune mumwe munhu uyo, nenhoroondo dzose, haana kukodzera kunyange munwe wake muduku. Dork ine udyire, rudzi rwemucheche, akaroora nekusingaperi - anokweverwa kuti ape rudo rwake rwese kumunhu asingakwanisi hukama hwakanaka. Sei vakadzi vakawanda vachida kutsungirira, kutarisira uye kumirira murume ari pachena kuti haana kukodzera kwavari?
Tinoudzwa: hamusi vaviri. Isu pachedu tinonzwa kuti murume wezviroto zvedu haatiitiri zvakafanira. Asi isu hatisi kusiya, tiri kutowedzera kuedza kuihwina. Takakochekerwa, takanamira munzeve dzedu. Asi nei?
1.
Patinowedzera kuisa mari mumunhu, tinowedzera kunamatira kwaari.
Kana isu tikasawana kutariswa uye rudo rwatinoda pakarepo, tinofunga kuti tinokodzera. Tinoisa mari yakawanda muhukama, asi panguva imwe chete, kuvhiringidzika kwedu, kusava nematuro, uye kunzwa kwekusakosha kunongowedzera. Nyanzvi yepfungwa Jeremy Nicholson akadana iyi musimboti wemutengo wakanyura. Patinochengeta vamwe vanhu, kuvatarisira, kugadzirisa matambudziko avo, tinotanga kuvada uye kuvakoshesa zvakanyanya nekuti tinovimba kuti rudo rwakaiswa mari harugone asi kudzoka kwatiri ne "chido".
Naizvozvo, usati wanyungudika mune mumwe munhu, zvakakosha kufunga: isu takaisa counter yemukati? Tiri kutarisira chimwe chinhu mukudzoka here? Rudo rwedu haruna zvimiso uye haruremekedzi sei? Uye takagadzirira chibayiro chakadaro here? Kana pamwoyo wehukama hwako pakutanga pasina rudo, ruremekedzo uye kuzvipira, kusazvipira kune rumwe rutivi hakuzounzi michero inokosheswa. Panguva ino, kutsamira kwemanzwiro emupi kunongowedzera.
2.
Tinobvuma rudo rwatinoda mukuona kwedu.
Pamwe muhudiki kwaive neshanya kana kunwa baba kana muhuduku hwedu moyo yedu yairwadza. Zvichida nekusarudza mamiriro ezvinhu anorwadza, tiri kutamba mutambo wekare pamusoro pekuramba, kusasvika kwezviroto uye kusurukirwa. Uye iyo yakareba isu tichienda mumhepo, kunyanya kuzviremekedza kunotambura, zvakanyanya kuoma kuparadzana nechinangwa chenguva dzose, umo marwadzo uye mafaro zvakapindirana.
Asi kana tikaziva kuti iye, iyi vavariro, inotova muupenyu hwedu, tinogona nenzira yokuziva kuzvidzivisa kupinda muukama hunoodza mwoyo hwakadaro. Pose patinobvumirana, tinoisa muenzaniso kune imwezve rudo rwakakundikana. Tinogona kubvuma kuti isu tinofanirwa kupfuura hukama nemunhu asina kunyanya kuda pamusoro pedu.
3.
Ikemikari yehuropi
Larry Young, mutungamiriri weCenter for Translational Social Neuroscience paEmory University, akagumisa kuti kurasikirwa nomudiwa kupfurikidza nokurambana kana kuti rufu kwakafanana nokurega zvinodhaka. Chidzidzo chake chakaratidza kuti mbeva dzinojairika dzakaratidza huwandu hwekushushikana kwemakemikari uye dzaive mukushushikana kwakanyanya mushure mekuparadzana nemumwe. Iyo mbeva yakadzokera zvakare uye zvakare kune yakajairika nzvimbo yevaviri, izvo zvakakonzera kugadzirwa kwe "attachment hormone" oxytocin uye kuderedza kunetseka.
Nzira yekudzivirira yekare inogona kuteverwa muchishuwo chekuramba uchibatana chero muripo.
Larry Young anopokana kuti hunhu hwevole hwakafanana nehwevanhu: mbeva dzinodzoka kwete nekuti dzinoda chaizvo kuva nevadziviriri vavo, asi nekuti havagone kutakura kushushikana kwekuparadzana.
Chiremba wetsinga anosimbisa kuti vanhu vakatukwa kana kuti kubatwa zvisina kufanira muwanano kazhinji kazhinji vanoramba kugumisa ukama, mukupesana nokurangarira kwavo. Marwadzo echisimba haanyanyi kurwadza kupfuura marwadzo ekuzorora.
Asi nei vakadzi vachinyanya kushivirira kusazvibata kwevakasarudzwa vavo? Maererano nedzidziso dzeevolutionary biology, vakadzi, kune rumwe rutivi, pakutanga vanonyanya kusarudza pakusarudza mudiwa. Kurarama kwevana kwainyanya kutsamira pakusarudza kwakarurama kwemufambidzani munguva yakapfuura.
Kune rumwe rutivi, muchishuvo chekuramba tichikurukurirana mune ramangwana pane chero mutengo, nzira yekare yekudzivirira inogona kuteverwa. Mukadzi aisakwanisa kurera mwana oga uye aida kuvapo kwevamwe, asi murume.
Nemamwe mashoko, zviri nyore kuti murume abve muukama maererano netarisiro yake yokubereka yeramangwana. Kune vakadzi, njodzi dzakakwirira, zvose pakupinda hukama uye kana huchiputsa.
Kunobva: Justmytype.ca.