"Waputsa hupenyu hwangu", "nekuda kwako hapana chandakawana", "Ndakapedza makore akanakisa pano" ... Kangani pawakataura mazwi akadaro kuhama, vadiwa, vaunoshanda navo? Vane mhosva yei? Uye ndivo chete here?
Anenge makore makumi maviri apfuura ndakanzwa kuseka kwakadaro pamusoro penyanzvi dzepfungwa. Mumwe murume anoudza chiroto chake kumuongorori wepfungwa kuti: “Ndakarota takaungana nemhuri yose nokuda kwechisvusvuro chomutambo. Zvese zvakanaka. Tinotaura nezvehupenyu. Zvino ndinoda kukumbira amai vangu kuti vanditambidze mafuta. Pane kudaro, ndinomuudza kuti, "Waparadza hupenyu hwangu."
Mune ino anecdote, iyo inonzwisiswa zvizere chete nenyanzvi dzepfungwa, pane chokwadi. Gore negore, mamiriyoni evanhu anonyunyuta kune avo psychotherapists pamusoro pehama dzavo, vashandi pamwe navo, shamwari. Vanotaura kuti vakarasikirwa sei nemukana wekuroora, kuwana dzidzo yakanaka, kuita basa uye kungova vanhu vanofara. Ndiani ane mhosva yeizvi?
1. Vabereki
Kazhinji vabereki vanopomerwa mhosva yekukundikana kwose. Kumiririra kwavo ndiko kuri nyore uye kuri pachena. Isu tinotaurirana nevabereki kubva pakuzvarwa, saka ivo tekinoroji vane mikana yakawanda uye nguva yekutanga kukanganisa ramangwana redu.
Zvichida, nekukunyengerera iwe, vari kuedza kutsiva kukanganisa kwavo munguva yakapfuura?
Hongu, vabereki vedu vakatirera uye vakatidzidzisa, asi zvichida havana kupa rudo rwakakwana kana rudo rwakanyanya, vakatishatisa, kana, zvakasiyana, vairambidza zvakanyanya, vakatirumbidza zvakanyanya, kana kuti havana kutitsigira zvachose.
2. Vanasekuru
Vanogona sei kuva honzeri yenhamo dzedu? Vanasekuru vese vandinoziva, kusiyana nevabereki vavo, vanoda vazukuru vavo zvisingaite uye zvisingaite. Vanopa nguva yavo yese yekusununguka kwavari, pamper uye vanokoshesa.
Zvisinei, ndivo vakarera vabereki vako. Uye kana vasina kubudirira mukurerwa kwako, ipapo mhosva iyi inogona kuendeswa kuna vanasekuru navanasekuru. Zvichida, nekukunyengerera iwe, vari kuedza kutsiva kukanganisa kwavo munguva yakapfuura?
3. Vadzidzisi
Semunhu aimbove mudzidzisi, ndinoziva kuti vadzidzisi vane simba guru pavadzidzi. Uye mazhinji acho akanaka. Asi kune vamwe. Kusagona kwavo, maitiro ekuzvipira kuvadzidzi uye ongororo dzisina kunaka zvinoparadza zvishuwo zvebasa zvewadhi.
Hazvisi zvisizvo kuti vadzidzisi vataure zvakananga kuti mumwe mudzidzi haazopindi yunivhesiti yakasarudzwa ("hapana chinhu chekuedza") kana kuti haazombove, semuenzaniso, chiremba ("kwete, hauna mwoyo murefu uye kuteerera"). Sezvingatarisirwa, maonero omudzidzisi anokanganisa kuzviremekedza.
4. Murapi wako
Dai asiri iye, ungadai usina kufunga kupomera vabereki vako nokuda kwezvinetso zvako zvose. Rangarira kuti zvaive zvaita sei. Wataura zvisina basa nezvaamai vako. Uye iyo psychoanalyst yakatanga kubvunza nezvehukama hwako muhuduku uye kuyaruka. Makazvikwesha muchiti mai vacho havanei nazvo. Uye pawakaramba uchimuramba mhosva, ndipo pakanyanya kuwedzera psychoanalyst mudambudziko iri. Pamusoro pazvo, ibasa rake.
Wakapedza simba rakawanda pavari, wakarasikirwa nebasa rakanaka nokuti waida kupedza nguva yakawanda navo.
Uye zvino wasvika pakugumisa kuti vabereki ndivo vane mhosva yezvose. Saka hazvisi nani here kupa mhosva chiremba wako wepfungwa? Ari kuisa matambudziko ake nemhuri yake pauri here?
5. Vana vako
Wakapedza simba rakawanda pavari, wakarasikirwa nebasa rakanaka, nokuti waida kupedza nguva yakawanda navo. Zvino havachikoshesi zvachose. Vanotokanganwa kufona. Classic kesi!
6. Mumwe wako
Murume, mudzimai, shamwari, akasarudzwa - mushoko, munhu akapiwa makore akanaka uye asina kukoshesa matarenda ako, mikana shoma, nezvimwewo. Wakapedza makore akawanda uinaye, pane kuti uwane rudo rwako rwechokwadi, munhu ane hanya newe zvechokwadi.
7. Iwe pachako
Zvino verengazve zvese zviri pamusoro uye uzvitarise zvakanyanya. Batidza simbi. Isu tinofara kupembedza kutadza kwedu, kutsvaga zvikonzero kwavari uye kupa mhosva vamwe vanhu nekuda kwematambudziko ese.
Rega kutarisa vamwe, tarisa pane zvavanoda uye kuti vanokuona sei
Asi chikonzero chete maitiro ako. Muzviitiko zvakawanda, iwe pachako unosarudza zvekuita nehupenyu hwako, yunivhesiti ipi yaunopinda, waunopedza makore ako akanakisisa, kushanda kana kurera vana, kushandisa rubatsiro rwevabereki vako kana kuenda nenzira yako.
Asi zvinonyanya kukosha, hazvina kumbononoka kuchinja zvese. Rega kutarisa vamwe, uchitarisa pane zvavanoda uye kuti vanokuona sei. Ita chiito! Uye kunyange kana iwe ukakanganisa, unogona kudada nazvo: shure kwezvose, ichi ndicho chisarudzo chako chekuziva.
NezveMunyori: Mark Sherman ndiMuzvinafundo Emeritus wePsychology paState University yeNew York kuNew Paltz, uye nyanzvi mukutaurirana kwevakadzi.