Mukati
Kubva pakuwanikwa kwebipolarity kusvika pakuda mwana
“Ndakabatwa chirwere chebipolar ndiine makore 19. Mushure menguva yekuora mwoyo kwakakonzerwa nekukundikana muzvidzidzo zvangu, handina kurara zvachose, ndaitaurisa, ndiri muchimiro chepamusoro, ndakanyanya kufara. Hameno kuti ndakaenda kuchipatara ini. Kuongororwa kwecyclothymia kwakadzikira uye ndakagara muchipatara kwemavhiki maviri muchipatara chevarwere vepfungwa muNantes. Ndakabva ndatangazve hupenyu hwangu. Yaiva yangu kutanga manic kurwisa, mhuri yangu yose yakanditsigira. Handina kudonha, asi ndakanzwisisa kuti sezvo vane chirwere cheshuga vachifanira kutora insulin kwehupenyu hwose, ndinofanira kutora kurapwa kweupenyu hwose kudzikamisa manzwiro angu nekuti ndine bipolar. Hazvisi nyore, asi iwe unofanirwa kubvuma kutambura kubva kune yakanyanyisa fragility yemanzwiro uye kutarisana nematambudziko. Ndakapedza zvidzidzo zvangu uye ndakasangana naBernard, shamwari yangu kwemakore gumi nemashanu. Ndakawana basa randinofarira zvikuru uye rinondibvumira kuti ndiwane chouviri.
Zvakanyanya, pa30, ndakazviudza kuti ndinoda kuva nemwana. Ndinobva kumhuri yakakura uye ndaigara ndichifunga kuti ndaizova nevanopfuura mumwe. Asi sezvo ndine bipolar, ndaitya kupfuudza chirwere changu kumwana wangu uye handina kukwanisa kuita chisarudzo changu.
“Ndaifanira kupembedza chido changu chokuva nomwana kana chiri chinhu chomuzvarirwo zvikuru munyika”
Pa32, ndakaudza mumwe wangu nezvazvo, akamboita kakuzeza, ndini ndega ndaitakura project yemwana iyi. Takaenda kuchipatara cheSainte-Anne pamwe chete, takava neapo muchimiro chitsva chinotevera vanaamai vakatarisira uye vanaamai vasina simba mupfungwa. Takasangana nevarapi vepfungwa vakatibvunza mibvunzo yakawanda kuti vaone kuti nei taida mwana. Pakupedzisira, kunyanya kwandiri! Ndakaitwa kubvunzurudzwa chaiko ndikazvibata zvakaipa. Ndaifanira kutumidza, kunzwisisa, kuongorora, kururamisa chido changu chemwana, kana chiri chinhu chakasikwa munyika. Mamwe madzimai haafanire kuzvipembedza, zvinonetsa kutaura chaizvo kuti sei uchida kuva amai. Maererano nemigumisiro yeongororo, ndakanga ndagadzirira, asi shamwari yangu kwete chaizvoizvo. Pasinei naizvozvo, ndakanga ndisina kusava nechokwadi pamusoro pokukwanisa kwake kuva baba uye ndakanga ndisina kukanganisa, ndibaba vakuru!
Ndakataura zvakawanda nasisi vangu vasikana vangu vaitove vana mai ndaiva ndava nechokwadi nezvangu. Yakanga yakareba zvikuru. Kutanga, marapirwo angu aifanira kuchinjwa kuitira kuti zvisashata kumwana wangu panguva yokuzvitakura. Zvakatora mwedzi misere. Pandakangotanga kurapwa, zvakatora makore maviri kuti mwanasikana wedu azvarwe. Muchokwadi, zvakashanda kubva panguva yakandiudza kuderera kwangu, "Asi Agathe, verenga zvidzidzo, hapana humbowo hwesainzi hunoratidza kuti bipolarity ndeye genetic mavambo. Pane diki genetics uye kunyanya zvakatipoteredza zvinhu zvine basa zvakanyanya. »Mazuva gumi nemashanu gare gare, ndaiva nepamuviri!
Kuva amai nhanho nenhanho
Panhumbu yangu ndainzwa zvakanaka chose, zvese zvainaka. Mumwe wangu aiva nehanya zvikuru, mhuri yanguwo. Mwanasikana wangu asati aberekwa, ndaitya zvikuru migumisiro yekushayikwa kwekurara kwakabatana nekusvika kwemwana uye kuora mwoyo kwepashure, hongu. Muchokwadi, ndakangova nekamwana kadiki bhuu kwehafu yeawa mushure mekusununguka. Iko kuzvipira kwakadaro, kugeza kwakadaro kwemanzwiro, kwerudo, ndaiva nemashavishavi mudumbu mangu. Ndakanga ndisiri amai vechidiki vane stress. Ndaisada kuyamwisa. Antonia haana kuchema zvakanyanya, aive mwana akadzikama zvake, asi ini ndakanga ndichiri kuneta uye ndakangwarira kuchengetedza hope dzangu, nekuti ndihwo hwaro hwekuenzanisa kwangu. Mwedzi mishomanana yekutanga, handina kukwanisa kunzwa paakachema, nekurapwa kwandakaitwa, ndinobatwa nehope huru. Bernard akamuka husiku. Aiita manheru ega ega kwemwedzi mishanu yekutanga, ndakakwanisa kurara zvakanaka nekuda kwake.
Mazuva mashoma ekutanga asununguka, ndakanzwa kushamisika kumwanasikana wangu. Zvakanditorera nguva kuti ndimupe nzvimbo muhupenyu hwangu, mumusoro mangu, kuita amai hakusi pakarepo. Ndakaona mumwe chiremba wepfungwa dzemwana akati kwandiri: “Zvipe kodzero yokuva mukadziwo zvake. Ndakazvirambidza mamwe manzwiro. Kubva pakunonoka kwekutanga, ndakadzokera kwandiri "Ah kwete, kunyanya kwete!" Ndakatsvaga kusiyanisa kudiki kwemood, ndainyanya kuda neni, zvakanyanya kupfuura vamwe amai.
Manzwiro pakutarisana nemuedzo wehupenyu
Zvese zvaive zvakanaka pamwedzi mishanu Antonia aine neuroblastoma, bundu mucoccyx (nerombo rakanaka padanho razero). Baba vake ndini takazoona kuti akanga asiri kuita zvakanaka. Akabviswa uye akarega kuita weti. Takaenda kumergency room, vakaita MRI vakawana bundu. Akavhiyiwa nekukurumidza uye nhasi apora zvachose. Inofanira kuteverwa mwedzi mina yega yega yekuongororwa kwemakore akati wandei. Sevana amai vese vangadai vakasangana nechinhu chimwe chete, ndakavhunduka nekuvhiyiwa uye kunyanya kumirira kusingagoneki mwana wangu ari mukamuri yekuvhiya. Muchokwadi, ndakanzwa "Iwe unofa!", Uye ndakazviwana ndiri mumamiriro ekutya kunotyisa uye kutya, ndakafungidzira zvakaipisisa zvakanyanya. Ndakachema, ndikachema kusvika pakazofona mumwe munhu achindiudza kuti oparesheni yafamba zvakanaka. Ndakabva ndapedza mazuva maviri. Ndakarwadziwa, ndaichema nguva dzose, nhamo dzose dzeupenyu hwangu dzakadzoka kwandiri. Ndaiziva kuti ndakanga ndiri mudambudziko uye Bernard akandiudza kuti “Ndinokurambidza kuti urware zvakare!” Panguva imwe cheteyo, ndakazviudza kuti: “Ini handigoni kurwarawo, handisisina kodzero, ndinofanira kutarisira mwanasikana wangu!” Uye zvakashanda! Ndakatora neuroleptics uye mazuva maviri aive akakwana kuti andiburitse kubva mukushungurudzika kwepfungwa. Ndinodada kuti ndaita nekukurumidza uye zvakanaka. Ndakakombwa zvikuru, ndichitsigirwa, naBernard, amai vangu, hanzvadzi yangu, mhuri yose. Umbowo hwese uhu hwerudo hwakandibatsira.
Munguva yekurwara kwemwanasikana wangu, ndakavhura suo rinotyisa mandiri randiri kushanda kuti ndivhare nhasi nenyanzvi yangu yepfungwa. Murume wangu akatora zvinhu zvose nenzira yakanaka: takanga tine mafungiro akanaka, izvo zvakaita kuti zvikwanise kuona chirwere chacho nokukurumidza, chipatara chakanakisisa munyika (Necker), chiremba anovhiya, kupora! uye kurapa Antonia.
Sezvo takatanga mhuri yedu, pane imwezve mufaro unoshamisa muupenyu hwangu. Pane kukonzeresa psychosis, kuzvarwa kwaAntonia kwakandidzikamisa, ndine rimwe basa. Kuve amai kunopa hurongwa, kugadzikana, isu tiri chikamu chekutenderera kwehupenyu. Ini handichatyi bipolarity yangu, handisi ndega, ndoziva zvekuita, ndiani wekufonera, chii chekutora pakaitika dambudziko remanic, ndakadzidza maneja. Vanachiremba vepfungwa vakandiudza kuti kwaiva “kukura kwakanaka kwechirwere” uye “kutyisidzira” kwakarembera pamusoro pangu kwapera.
Nhasi Antonia ane mwedzi gumi nemina ekuberekwa uye zvinhu zvose zvakanaka. Ndinoziva kuti handisi kuzoenda kusango zvakare uye ndinoziva kuita inishuwarenzi yemwana wangu ”.