Tinorevei kana tichiti “Ndinoda” uye “Ndinoda kuva newe” kune mumwe? Nzira yekusiyanisa sei kurota kwemucheche kwekutarisirwa kubva kune manzwiro akakura uye echokwadi? Isu tinobata nenyanzvi.
ndifadze
Apo patinopinda muukama, hatisi nguva dzose kunzwisisa kuti pakutanga kwehukama hwepabonde, tinozvibata zvishoma zvakasiyana pane muupenyu hwemazuva ose. Uye ndicho chikonzero, dzimwe nguva, isu tinoodzwa mwoyo isu pachedu uye mune mumwe.
Maria, ane makore 32, anoti: “Akanga akakwana patakanga tichidanana—aiva nehanya, ainzwira tsitsi, aiva nehanya neni uye aindida, ndakanzwa kuti zvaikosha kwaari kuti atye kurasikirwa neni. Aigara aripo, akauya parunhare rwekutanga kunyangwe pakati pehusiku. Ndakafara zvikuru! Asi apo takatanga kugara tose, iye kamwe kamwe akaratidzira rimwe bhizimisi rake amene, chishuvo chokuzorora, uye akatanga kupa ngwariro shoma zvikuru kwandiri. Pamwe uyu haasi munhu wangu… "
Chii chakaitika? Maria akaona murume chaiye pamberi pake, munhu akaparadzana uyo, kunze kwake, anewo pachake muupenyu hwake. Uye haadi chokwadi ichi zvachose, nokuti chido chemwana chinotaura mairi: "Ndinoda kuti zvinhu zvose zvitenderere pandiri."
Asi mumwe haakwanisi kupa hupenyu hwake kuti tigare tichifara. Hazvina mhosva kuti hukama hunodiwa hwakadii, zvatinoda isu pachedu, zvatinoda uye zvishuwo, nzvimbo yemunhu uye nguva zvakakoshawo kwatiri. Uye uhwu hunyanzvi husina kujeka - kuwana chiyero pakati pehupenyu mune vaviri uye yako.
Dmitry, ane makore 45, haafariri kana mudzimai wake achitaura nezvechimwe chinhu chisingafadzi. Anorega uye anodzivisa kukurukurirana kwakadaro. Shoko rake remukati kumudzimai wake nderokuti: Ndirove, taura zvinhu zvakanaka chete, uye ipapo ndichafara. Asi hupenyu hwevakaroorana hahugoneki pasina kutaura nezvematambudziko, pasina kukakavara, pasina manzwiro akaoma.
Chido chemudzimai kuunza Dmitry kuhurukuro inotaura nezvekuda kwake kugadzirisa matambudziko, asi izvi zvakaoma kuna Dmitry. Zvinoitika kuti anoda kuti mudzimai wake amufadze, asi haafungi kuti zvichida ari kurasikirwa nechimwe chinhu, chimwe chinhu chinomugumbura, nokuti anotendeukira kwaari nechikumbiro chakadaro.
Chii chatinotarisira kubva kune shamwari?
Imwe pfungwa iyo vanhu vanopinda nayo muukama ndeiyi: “Shandisa upenyu hwako pakundifadza, kubatira zvinodikanwa zvangu, uye ndichakushandisa iwe.”
Zviri pachena kuti hukama uhu hahunei nerudo. Tarisiro yekuti mumwe achagara achitiita kuti tifare zvinotitongesa, kutanga, kuodzwa mwoyo kukuru uye zvinoratidza kuti zvakakosha kushanda pachedu nemafungiro edu.
Kutaura kuti "Ndinoda kuva newe", vanhu vanowanzoreva rumwe rudzi rwe "chakanaka" chikamu chemudiwa, kusazvidza rutivi rwake rwevanhu, uko kune nzvimbo yekusakwana. Tarisiro yekuti imwe ichagara iri "yakanaka", "yakagadzikana" haina zvachose uye inokanganisa kuvaka hukama hwakanaka.
Kazhinji kazhinji tinotaura kuti hatigutsikane nemudiwa, asi tinowanzofunga nezve "zvikanganiso" zvedu? Hatiregi here kuona zvakanaka mune vari pedyo nesu, izvo zvatinofanira kuvimba nazvo muukama? Tichiri kuonga uye kucherechedza zvaanogona here, kana kuti zvazova chimwe chinhuwo zvacho kwatiri?
Rudo ibasa revaviri
Kuvaka hukama, kugadzira nzvimbo yakakosha yerudo uye yehushamwari ndiko kunetseka kwevaviri, uye vese vanoita matanho akananga kwavari. Kana tichitarisira kuti mudiwa chete ndiye acha "famba", asi usaronga kufamba isu pachedu, izvi zvinoratidza nzvimbo yedu yevacheche. Asi kuzvipira kune mumwe, kutakura basa rose, kusanganisira basa remanzwiro, iwe pachako haisiwo hutano hwakanaka.
Munhu wese akagadzirira kushanda muhukama, uye kwete kushandura kunetseka uku kune mumwe wako? Zvinosuruvarisa, kwete. Asi zvinobatsira kuti munhu wese afunge nezvake, bvunza mibvunzo inotevera:
- Sei ndichifunga kuti zvakanaka kuenda nekuyerera?
- Ndichasvika papi kana ndisina basa nehukama, ndorega kuisa simba rangu mavari, ndichitora mutoro kwavari?
- Chii chichaitika kana ndikasasiya chinzvimbo "Ndiri zvandiri, handisi kuzochinja - nguva"?
- Chii chinotyisidzira kusada kudzidza uye kufunga nezvemumwe nemumwe "mitauro yerudo"?
Heano madimikira maviri anokubatsira kuti unzwisise kukosha kwekubatsira kwevaviri vari vaviri kuhukama.
Ngatimbofungidzirai munhu anofamba. Chii chinoitika kana rimwe gumbo rikakweva, «rikaramba» kuenda? Inguva yakareba sei gumbo rechipiri rinogona kutakura mutoro wakapetwa kaviri? Chii chichaitika kumunhu uyu?
Iye zvino chimbofungidzira kuti hukama hwacho ndeyemuti wemumba. Kuti ive mhenyu uye ine hutano, ichitumbuka nguva dzose, unofanirwa kuidiridza, kuiisa pachena kuchiedza, kugadzira tembiricha yakakodzera, fetereza, uye kubatanidza. Pasina kutarisirwa kwakakodzera, inofa. Hukama, kana husina kutarisirwa, hunofa. Uye kutarisira kwakadaro mutoro wakaenzana wavose vari vaviri. Kuziva izvi ndiyo kiyi yehukama hwakasimba.
Kunzwisisa uye kubvuma kusiyana kwevadikani kunovabatsira kutora matanho kune mumwe nemumwe. Kunyange munhu ari pedyo nesu akasiyana nesu, uye chido chekumushandura, kuti agare akasununguka iwe pachako zvinoreva kuti iwe haumudi (zvaari).
Zviri muhukama iwe unogona kudzidza kuona humwe, kudzidza kugamuchira nekunzwisisa, kuwana zvimwe, kusiyana neako, nzira dzekurarama, kutaurirana, kugadzirisa matambudziko, kupindura kune shanduko.
Panguva imwecheteyo, zvakakosha kuti usaparara mune mumwe wako, kwete kutevedzera nzira yake yekudyidzana nenyika uye iye pachake. Mushure mezvose, basa redu nderekukudziridza tisingarasikirwe nehunhu hwedu. Iwe unogona kudzidza chimwe chinhu chitsva nekuchigamuchira sechipo kubva kune mumwe wako.
Nyanzvi yepfungwa uye muzivi Erich Fromm akaita nharo: "... Rudo chinhu chinoshingaira, chido muupenyu uye kugara zvakanaka kwewatinoda." Asi kufarira kwechokwadi ndiko kwatinoedza kuona mumwe sezvaari asati avandudza hupenyu hwake. Ichi ndicho chakavanzika chehukama hwakatendeseka uye hunoenderana.