Sei varume vanoita zvechingochani vachipinda murudo nevakadzi uye vakatogadzirira kuvaroora? Uye sei kunzwisisa kuti mumwe wako anoda kambani yevamwe varume kune yako? Mutori wenhau Nicole Carrington-Sima akataura nezve nyaya yake nemurume wengochani.
Murume wangu akanaka aigara achishanyira imba yekurovedza muviri mazuva ese uye kugadzira sherufu yakaparadzana muimba yedu yekugezera yekudyira yezvizoro zvake. Naiye, waigona kupedza maawa uchitenga, uchitaura nezvefashoni uye uchiongorora yaunofarira Bonde uye Guta akatevedzana. Uye mushure meizvozvo, enda kune zvepabonde haisisiri pahwindo.
Shamwari dzangu dzaifungira shamwari yangu itsva. Uye ngochani dzakajairika dzakazevezera munzeve yake nemufaro: "ndeyedu." Vese vanofunga stereotypes, uye kunyange godo, ndakafunga. Ndichangobva kusangana nemetrosexual yemazuva ano - murume werudzi rutsva, umo maitiro echirume neakadzi uye maitiro zvinosanganiswa. Mazuva ano, mitsetse pakati pevarume nevakadzi iri kutadza kujeka, uye hapana chakaipa.
Dzimwe ngochani dzinoita maune muwanano yechivanhu nokuti dzinorota mhuri nevana
Asi pane imwe nzvimbo mukati memoyo wangu ndakawana gonye. Chinhu chimwe chete chakandidzikamisa chaiva chokwadi chebonde remashiripiti: mushure mezvose, ngochani hadziite rudo nevakadzi, ndizvo here? Asi kamwe chete, apo muchinda wangu akandipa yakazara wakisi kudhonzwa kwemuviri wake sechipo, handina kukwanisa kuzvidzora ndokuisa mubvunzo wacho.
Kutyisa kwangu, mukomana akanyara akabva aita zvisina kurongwa (kana kuti zvakarongwa kwenguva refu) kubuda. Takazopedzisira taseka tikafunga kusiyana seshamwari. Asi mibvunzo mimwecheteyo yakatenderera mumusoro mangu kwechinguva. Zvakadini neusiku husingakanganwiki tiri pamwe chete? Zvakadini noukama hwedu hwepedyo hwepfungwa?..
Maererano nenyanzvi yezvepabonde yekuAustralia Michelle Mars, kurara kwemukadzi ane varume nevakadzi nengochani chinhu chinowanzoitika. "Ndine chokwadi che 100% kuti pakati pevaunoziva pane ngochani nevarume vanoita zvepabonde ... Uye iwe hauzive nezvazvo. Vanhu vanonakidzwa nevatano uye vane upenyu hwepabonde hwakapfuma vakazaruka kune kuedza,” anodaro Michelle Mars. Sezvo miganho yezvikamu zvekuzivikanwa pabonde iri kudzima, vanhu vari kuwana dzakasiyana siyana dzehukama hwepabonde.
Muchidzidzo chepabonde, pane izwi rakakosha rokuti "pansexuality", rinoreva kukwezvwa kwerudo kana kukwezva vanhu, zvisinei nekuti murume kana murume.
63% yevarume vanoita zvechingochani vanoroora mukadzi havambobvume zvavanoda chaizvo
“Dzimwe nguva ngochani dzinosangana nevakadzi nekuti havanyatsonzwisisa mamiriro ezvepabonde uye vanotambura nekuvenga ngochani mukati. Vamwe vanopinda muwanano yechivanhu nemaune nekuti vanenge vachirota mhuri nevana uye vachimanikidzwa kurarama hupenyu huviri nekuda kwekushorwa kuchiri kuitika muvanhu,” inotsanangura kudaro nyanzvi yezvepabonde.
Kune vakadzi, hukama hwakadaro hunobva panhema huzere nekuora mwoyo kwakakomba, kunyanya kana epiphany isingauyi mumwedzi yekutanga yehukama, asi mushure memakore akawanda ehupenyu hwemhuri.
Munyori we "Fatal Suitors: Gay uye Bisexual Husbands muTraditional Marriage"1 Chipangamazano wemhuri wekuAmerica Bonnie Kaye akanyora runyoro rwezviratidzo zvinobatsira kuziva ngochani musati maroorana. Zvimwe zvacho ndezvokuramba kuita zvepabonde nguva dzose, kuona zvinonyadzisira ngochani, kushandisa zvimwe matoyi ezvepabonde, mashoko anovhiringidza okuvenga ngochani, nezvimwewo. Sekureva kwake, 63% yevarume vanoita zvechingochani vanoroora mukadzi havafi vakabvuma zvavanoda zvebonde.
Read more at shesaid.com.
1 Bonnie Kaye "Vakatongerwa Zvikomba: Gay uye Bisexual Husbands in Straight marriages" (CCB Publishing, 2012).