Kukundikana kwezuva rakabudirira: chii chakakonzera?

Mark akafara kuti first date rake naEmma rakafamba zvakanaka chose. Vakaronga kusangana mushure mebasa kuti vanwe zvinwiwa, vakapedza maawa matatu vachitaura. "Tainyatsoenderana," Mark akandiudza pachikamu chakatevera chekurapa. “Ini naEmma taiva nezvakawanda zvataifarira, uye kurukurirano yacho yakayerera nyore nyore. Pose apo weta aibvunza kana taida chimwe chinwiwa, aipindura kuti hungu.

Mangwana acho Mark akazonyorera Emma message achibvunza kuti vaizoonana rinhi. “Akapindura kuti aifarira zvose, asi akanga asingafariri kufambidzana nomumwe munhu. Mark akanyara uye akagumbuka panguva imwe cheteyo: “Nei aifanira kupedza maawa matatu neni kana ndakanga ndisingamufariri? Handinzwisise".

Ndinonzwa nyaya dzakafanana kubva kune vakawanda vatengi: pamusangano wekutanga zvinhu zvose zvinofamba zvakanaka, asi nokuda kwechimwe chikonzero muzivikanwi mutsva haadi kuenderera mberi nekukurukurirana. Uyezve, ndakashanda nevarume nevakadzi vanozviwana vari pamativi ese echiitiko ichi chekufambidzana, uye ndinogona kusimbisa kuti maitiro akadai anokonzera kuvhiringidzika mune zvakarambwa.

"Ndingadai ndisina kunzwisisa sei mamiriro acho ezvinhu zvakanyanya?" Ndiwo mubvunzo wavanofanira kubvunza. Asi sezvingabvira havana kudaro. Hezvino zvikonzero zvishanu nei iwe ungarambirwa zuva rechipiri, kunyangwe rekutanga rakafamba zvakanaka.

1. Iye (iye) akakuda, asi kwete nenzira yerudo.

Heino tsananguro inonyanyozivikanwa yandinonzwa: mumwe wako aifarira kushamwaridzana kwako, akanyatsofunga kuti wanga uri munhu kwaye, anofara uye anonakidza kutaura, akakuona uchikwezva, asi ... kwauri. Haana kukurirwa nepfungwa yevatano kana kuti yorudo. Izwi rekuti "chemistry" rakakosha pano, nekuti hatisi kutaura nezve chero chimiro chemuviri, asi nezvezvinhu zvidiki izvo zvakadaro zvinogona kuita sarudzo.

2. Haasati arambana ne ex yake (kana kuti ane ex yake)

Pakati pevatengi vangu pane vazhinji veavo vanoenda kumazuva vasina kumisa hukama hwapfuura. Vanozviitirei? Vanosangana nevanhu vatsva vane tariro yekuwana shamwari inoshamisa: vanotarisira kuti musangano unoshamisa uchavabatsira kukanganwa nezvekare, kurega mamiriro ezvinhu uye kuenderera mberi nehupenyu hwavo. Uye panguva imwecheteyo, ivo vanoisa bara rakakwirira kwazvo kune vanotevera vavhoti zvekuti zvakaoma kusangana.

Kune vanhu vanovimba nekare, yakanyanya kukwirira kupfuura kune avo vari kutsvaga wekufambidzana naye mumamiriro akadzikama. Nemamwe mashoko, kana munhu uyu akanga asina kunyanya kuputirwa munhoroondo yavo neukama hwekare, vanogona kunge vachida zuva rechipiri newe. Uye panguva ino haana kusununguka mupfungwa zvakakwana kuti asvike pakukuziva zviri nani.

3. Unomuyeuchidza nezvomumwe munhu, uye kufanana uku kunodzima kufarira.

Chimwe chikonzero chakajairika chekusaenda pazuva rechipiri ndechekuti iwe unomutsa kumwe kushamwaridzana naye, uye kunzwa uku kwekusangana nechinhu chakajairika chinoparadza chinhu chose: "wow, aitaridzika chaizvo sababa vangu mumifananidzo yekare" , kana "akaenda. kuchikoro chimwechete neaimbova wangu” kana kuti “igweta, uye magweta maviri ekupedzisira andakasangana nawo akanga asiri vanhu vakanaka kwazvo.”

Ndiko kuti, akasarudza kubva pakutanga kuti iwe hausi vaviri kwaari (nekuda kwekufanana uku), asi sezvo iwe wakanga unotapira uye uchifara pane rimwe zuva, akasarudza kushandisa nguva ino nenzira yakanakisisa.

4. Neimwe nzira, iwe wakanyanya kunaka kwaari.

Mumwe nomumwe wedu ane rudzi rwakavakwa-mu radar yekuziva mamiriro ezvinhu anotiisa pasi, kuzvimanikidza kunyara, kunzwa "kuipa" kwedu. Semuenzaniso, pedyo nemunhu ane simba uye ane chido chechokwadi, mumwe munhu anganzwa seakarasikirwa uye benzi rinoputsa hupenyu. Pedyo nemumhanyi, mutsigiri akakodzera wemararamiro ane hutano - zvitsiure nekuda kwekuda kwako "junk" chikafu, kuneta uye kusava nehanya.

Muchidimbu, paunenge uchifambidzana nomunhu akadaro, uchanzwa kuti unofanira kutamburira kuti usvike padanho rake (rakaoma kuita), kana kuti (achizvidira kana kuti asingazivi) achashora mararamiro ako. Uye ndiani anoda kuenderera mberi nehukama hwaachazofanira kunzwa semudiki uye ari kunze?

5. Anongoda kuita bonde

Iwe unogona kunge wakasangana pane yekufambidzana app kwaakataura kuti aitsvaga hukama hwakakomba, asi muchokwadi anonyanya kufarira chiitiko chepabonde. Uye chaizvoizvo nokuti aikuda uye kunakidzwa pamwe chete, akanga asingadi kukuvadza manzwiro ako. Akaramba kuenderera mberi aona kuti paitoda chiedza kupenya uye haana kuronga kuzokuona futi.

Muchidimbu, zvikonzero zvinowanzoitika zvekuramba kuenderera mberi neukama zvinowanzoenderana naye, uye kwete kune chero kukanganisa kana kukanganisa kune chikamu chako. Sezvo vazhinji veavo vakarambwa vachizvifungira zvinorwadza uye kuzvifadza, ndinofanira kutaura kuti iyi haisi sarudzo yakanaka yekuzviremekedza kwako, uyezve, inogona kunge yakavakirwa pafungidziro dzakaipa.

Nezvemunyori: Guy Winch inyanzvi yezvepfungwa, nhengo yeAmerican Psychological Association, uye munyori wemabhuku akati wandei, rimwe rawo Psychological First Aid (Medley, 2014).