Wanano haiparadzwe neutera hwako kana kuperevedza. Hazvisi nezve vanhu zvachose, asi nezve zvinoitika pakati pavo, anodaro systemic mhuri murapi Anna Varga. Chikonzero chekunetsana chiri muhurongwa hwakaputsika hwekudyidzana. Nyanzvi inotsanangura kuti kutaurirana kwakashata kunounza sei matambudziko uye chii chinoda kuitwa kuchengetedza hukama.
Sosaiti yakachinja zvikuru mumakumi emakore achangopfuura. Pakanga pane dambudziko regadziriro yewanano: inenge yechipiri mubatanidzwa unoputsika, vanhu vakawanda havagadziri mhuri zvachose. Izvi zvinotimanikidza kuti tifunge patsva manzwisisiro atinoita kuti “upenyu hwewanano hwakanaka” zvinorevei. Kare, kana muchato waive webasa, zvaive pachena kuti murume anofanira kuita mabasa ake, uye mukadzi wake, uye izvi zvakakwana kuti muchato uenderere mberi.
Nhasi, mabasa ose akavhenganiswa, uye zvinonyanya kukosha, pane zvakawanda zvinotarisirwa uye zvinodikanwa zvakakwirira pahutano hwepfungwa hwehupenyu pamwe chete. Somuenzaniso, kariro yokuti muwanano tinofanira kuva vanofara miniti iri yose. Uye kana kunzwa uku kusipo, ipapo hukama hwakashata uye hwakashata. Isu tinotarisira kuti mumwe wedu ave zvese kwatiri: shamwari, mudiwa, mubereki, chiremba wepfungwa, mushandirapamwe webhizinesi… Neshoko, achaita mabasa ese anodiwa.
Muwanano yemazuva ano, hapasisina mitemo inotenderwa kuti mugarisane zvakanaka sei. Inobva pamanzwiro, hukama, zvimwe zvinoreva. Uye nekuti akave asina kusimba, anoparara nyore nyore.
Kukurukurirana kunoshanda sei?
Hukama ndihwo hunonyanya kukonzera matambudziko emhuri. Uye hukama mugumisiro wemaitiro evanhu, kuti kutaurirana kwavo kwakarongwa sei.
Hazvirevi kuti mumwe wevanoshamwaridzana akaipa. Tose takakwana zvakakwana kuti tigare tose zvakajairika. Wese munhu ane maturusi ekuvaka iyo yakakwana sisitimu yekudyidzana mumhuri. Varwere vanogona kuva hukama, kutaurirana, saka inoda kuchinjwa. Tinogara takanyura mukutaurirana. Zvinoitika padanho rekutaura uye risiri remazwi.
Tese tinonzwisisa ruzivo rwemashoko nenzira yakafanana, asi zvinyorwa zvakasiyana zvakasiyana.
Mukutsinhana kwese kwekutaurirana kune mashanu kana matanhatu akaturikidzana ayo vadyidzani pachavo vangangotadza kuona.
Mumhuri isingashande, munguva dzedambudziko rewanano, subtext inonyanya kukosha pane zvinyorwa. Vakaroorana vangasatombonzwisisa “zvavari kupopotedzana nazvo.” Asi munhu wese anorangarira zvakanaka zvimwe zvezvichemo zvavo. Uye kwavari, chinhu chinonyanya kukosha hachisi chikonzero chekukakavadzana, asi zvinyorwa zvishoma - ndiani akauya apo, uyo akarova musuo, akatarisa nechitarisiko chechiso chii, akataura nezwi ripi. Mukuchinjana kwese kwekutaurirana, pane mashanu kana matanhatu akaturikidzana ayo vadyidzani pachavo vangangotadza kuona.
Fungidzira murume nemudzimai, vane mwana uye bhizinesi rakafanana. Vanowanzo kukakavara uye havagoni kuparadzanisa hukama hwemhuri kubva kune hukama hwebasa. Ngatitii murume ari kufamba nemufambisi, uye panguva iyoyo mudzimai anofona uye anokumbira kupindura mabhizimisi, nokuti anofanira kumhanyira bhizinesi. Uye anofamba nemwana, haana kugadzikana. Vakarwa zvikuru.
Chii chaizvoizvo chakakonzera kukonana?
Kwaari, chiitiko chakatanga panguva iyo mukadzi wake akafona. Uye kwaari, chiitiko chacho chakatanga kare, mwedzi yakawanda yapfuura, paakatanga kunzwisisa kuti bhizinesi rose rakanga riri paari, mwana akanga ari paari, uye murume wake haana kuratidza kutanga, hapana chaaigona kuita pachake. Anozviunganidzira aya manzwiro asina kunaka mukati make kwemwedzi mitanhatu. Asi hapana chaanoziva nezvemanzwiro ake. Ivo varipo mundima yekutaurirana yakasiyana kudaro. Uye vanoitisa nhaurirano sekunge vari panguva imwe chete.
Anozviunganidzira aya manzwiro asina kunaka mukati make kwemwedzi mitanhatu. Asi hapana chaanoziva nezvemanzwiro ake
Nekuda kuti murume wake apindure nhare dzebhizinesi, mudzimai anotumira meseji isiri yekutaura: "Ndinozviona semukuru wako." Iye zvino anozviona akadaro, achitora pane zvakaitika mumwedzi mitanhatu yapfuura. Uye murume, achimupikisa, anoti: “Aiwa, hausi mukuru wangu.” Kuramba kuzvisarudzira kwake. Mudzimai anosangana nezviitiko zvakawanda zvakashata, asi haazvinzwisisi. Nekuda kweizvozvo, zviri mukati mekupokana zvinonyangarika, zvichisiya chete manzwiro asina kusimira ayo achabuda zvechokwadi mukutaurirana kwavo kunotevera.
Nyorazve nhoroondo
Kukurukurirana uye maitiro zvinhu zvakafanana zvachose. Chero zvaunoita, uri kutumira meseji kune mumwe wako, zvisinei kuti wazvida here kana usingazvide. Uye neimwe nzira anoiverenga. Iwe hauzive kuti ichaverengwa sei uye kuti ichakanganisa sei hukama.
Iyo yekutaurirana sisitimu yevaviri inokunda hunhu hwevanhu, zvavanotarisira uye zvinangwa.
Murume wechidiki anouya aine zvichemo pamusoro pemukadzi asingaite. Vane vana vaviri, asi hapana chaanoita. Anoshanda, uye anotenga zvigadzirwa, uye anotarisira zvese, asi iye haadi kutora chikamu mune izvi.
Tinonzwisisa kuti tiri kutaura nezve communicative system «hyperfunctional-hypofunctional». Paanoramba achimutuka, ndipo paachada kuita chimwe chinhu. Kana asingachanyanyi kushanda, ndipo paanowedzera kusimba uye kushanda nesimba. Yechinyakare denderedzwa yekudyidzana iyo pasina anofara nezvayo: vakaroora havagone kubuda mairi. Nyaya iyi yese inotungamirira pakurambana. Mukadzi ndiye anotora vana ndokuenda.
Murume wechidiki anoroora zvakare uye anouya nechikumbiro chitsva: mudzimai wake wechipiri anogara asingafari naye. Anoita zvese kare uye zviri nani kupfuura iye.
Mumwe nomumwe wevabatsiri ane maonero avo ezviitiko zvisina kunaka. Nyaya yako pachako nezvehukama humwe
Heino munhu mumwe chete: mune dzimwe nzira akafanana neizvi, uye mune mamwe akasiyana zvachose. Uye hazvisi nokuti pane chimwe chinhu chakaipa naye. Aya ndiwo masisitimu akasiyana ehukama anokura nevadikani vakasiyana.
Mumwe nemumwe wedu ane chinangwa data risingagoni kuchinjwa. Somuenzaniso, psychotempo. Tinozvarwa tiine izvi. Uye basa revanodyidzana ndere kugadzirisa nyaya iyi neimwe nzira. Svika pachibvumirano.
Mumwe nomumwe wevabatsiri ane maonero avo ezviitiko zvisina kunaka. Nyaya yako ndeyehukama humwe chete.
Kutaura nezvehukama, munhu anogadzira zviitiko izvi neimwe nzira. Uye kana ukashandura iyi nyaya, unogona kupesvedzera zviitiko. Ichi chikamu chepoindi yekushanda nehurongwa hwemhuri murapi: nekudzokorora nyaya yavo, vakaroorana vanofunga zvakare uye vonyora zvakare nenzira iyi.
Uye paunoyeuka uye uchifunga nezvenhoroondo yako, zvikonzero zvekukakavadzana, paunozvigadzirira chinangwa chekubatana kuri nani, chinhu chinoshamisa chinoitika: iyo nzvimbo dzeuropi dzinoshanda nekubatana kwakanaka dzinotanga kushanda zviri nani mauri. Uye hukama huri kuchinja kuti huve nani.
Kubva mukutaura kwaAnna Varga paInternational Practical Conference "Psychology: Matambudziko Enguva Yedu", iyo yakaitika muMoscow muna Kubvumbi 21-24, 2017.