Mukati
Vakadzi vazhinji vanogunun'una kuti kusangana nemunhu akakosha panzvimbo yekufambidzana kwakaoma: vazhinji vevarume vanonyoresa ipapo vanongoda chinhu chimwe - bonde pasina zvisungo. Asi ndizvo chaizvo here?
Varume vanoda bonde chete?
Ndichiri kushanda pabhuku, nyanzvi yezvepfungwa Ann Hastings, nechinangwa chekuedza, yakanyoreswa pane imwe yenzvimbo dzekufambidzana, ruzhinji rwevashandisi vakaroora. Chiitiko chake chinopikisa zvakanyanya fungidziro dzakajairika dzekuti varume vanouya ikoko chete pabonde.
Ann akashamiswa kuziva nokukurumidza kuti varume vazhinjisa panzvimbo yaakanga asarudza vaifarira zvorudo kupfuura vatano. “Vazhinji vandakataura navo, vaishuva zvikuru zviratidzo zvokuva pedyo kwomunhu: apo mumwe munhu anenge akamirira mashoko ako, achishamisika kuti zuva rako rakafamba sei, uye achikunyorerai mashoko manyoro mukupindura,” anogovera kudaro.
Vamwe havana kana kumbovavarira kuita musangano wega nemutauri.
Vaifarira kunzwa kuva pedyo uye kuva munhu, kunyange zvazvo kwakanga kwakavakirwa pafungidziro pamusoro pomunhu wavaisaziva chaizvoizvo.
“Varume vanditumira mifananidzo yenhengo dzavo dzemuviri dzisina kupfeka here? Kureva kuti vakaita zvinogarochemwa nevakadzi here? Hongu, vamwe vakatumira, asi pavakangogamuchira zvinobata kumeso mukupindura, zvakavasimbisa, uye isu hatina kudzokera kunyaya iyi zvakare, ”nyanzvi yepfungwa inobvuma.
Kutsvaga kushamwaridzana
Apo imwe nyanzvi yendangariro yakabvunza varume chikonzero nei vaida mukwanyina mutsva, vamwe vakabvuma kuti vakanga vasina kurara nomudzimai wavo kwenguva refu. Nekudaro, izvi zvaive pachena mhedzisiro, uye kwete chikonzero chekunyoresa kwavo pane saiti. Vakawanda vaisanzwa vachidiwa, asi vakanga vasingakurumidzi kurambana, zvikurukuru nemhaka yevana nemitoro yemhuri.
Mumwe wevazivikanwi vatsva vaAnn akaedza kuchengeta ukama pashure pokutengesa kwomudzimai wake, asi vaviri vacho vairarama savavakidzani uye vakaramba vari pamwe chete nemhaka yevanakomana vavo. Murume wacho akabvuma kuti aisagona kufungidzira upenyu asina vana uye misangano kamwe chete pavhiki yakanga isingagamuchiriki kwaari. Kuita zvepabonde kwevaviri ava kwakapera kare.
Zvisinei, akanga asingafariri zvepabonde chete - aitsvaga kunzwisisa uye kudziya kwevanhu.
Mumwewo murume akati mudzimai wake akanga aora mwoyo kwenguva refu uye aisada kushamwaridzana. Akabvuma kuti akanga aine mumwe mukadzi, asi aingofarira kufambidzana pabonde, uye ukama hwakapera nokuti aida zvakawanda.
"Bonde harina kumbobvira rave chinhu chinonyanya kukosha, sekufunga kwaungafungidzira," nyanzvi yezvepfungwa inogovera zvakacherechedzwa. “Uye, kunyange zvazvo ndisina kuronga vatano, ava varume vakakweverwa kwandiri nemhaka yokuti ndakava muteereri anoonga, ndakaratidzira ngwariro netsitsi.”
Sei shungu dzichipera muwanano?
Ann anotaura kuti vakaroorana vanoda kudzorera hupenyu hwavo hwepabonde vanouya pakugadzwa kwake, asi panguva yezvirongwa zvinoitika kuti havana kuedza kuratidza unyoro uye rudo kune mumwe nemumwe kunze kwepabonde kwenguva yakareba.
"Tinobvumirana kuti kwenguva yakati vacharatidza chido chekuva nemudiwa kwete kuburikidza nepabonde, asi mukukurukurirana kwemazuva ose: kumbundirana, kubata maoko, kwete kukanganwa kutumira mameseji nemashoko erudo," anodaro.
Zvinoitika kuti vakaroorana vanouya kuzorapwa nokuti mumwe wevakaroorana ari kunyanya kuita zvepabonde, uye wechipiri anonzwa achisungirwa kuzadzisa basa rake rewanano. Nokukurumidza kana kuti gare gare, izvi zvachose "zvinopa simba" kubatana mune vaviri.
Kuedza kunyengedza rutivi rwepabonde rwehukama hunongotungamirira kune kutonhora kwakanyanya.
Varume vazhinji vanorega kuita zvepabonde kumudzimai wavo nokuti havagoni kuparadzanisa mufananidzo wake waamai vevana uye tenzikadzi weimba kubva pamufananidzo wemudzimai waanogona kuzvipira kune simba rekufungidzira. “Kuti vagutse zvishuvo zvevatano, vanoona zvinonyadzisira kana kuti kuenda kunzvimbo dzokupfimbana,” Ann anogumisa kudaro.
Zvisinei, kunyange dai pakanga pasina chokwadi chekunyengera kwepanyama, izvi hazvirevi chete kudzorera muchato wewanano, asi kazhinji zvinowedzera mamwe matambudziko, kuparadzanisa vakaroorana. Mumwe anogona kungotarisira kuti zvishoma vamwe vevanhu ava vachakwanisa kudzorera bhiriji muhukama pasina kuvaparadza zvachose.
“Masayiti akadai anogona kukufadza segirazi rewaini, asi haagadzirise matambudziko”
Lev Khegai, Jungian muongorori
Mumamiriro ezvinhu apo hukama hwevakaroorana hunogumburwa, mamiriro ekusanzwisisana uye kurambwa kweumwe neumwe anotonga, vose vari vaviri mukutsvaga kuporesa kwemweya vanogona kutendeukira kune nzvimbo dzekufambidzana.
Chokwadi, havazi vese vashandisi veaya masaiti vari kutsvaga chete zvekusangana pabonde. Vakawanda pakutanga vanofunga kuti zvepabonde zvichaunza zororo, asi chaizvoizvo vanotya hukama hwepanyama.
Munyika dzakabudirira, kunowanzova nezvinetso nevatano. Pascal Quinard, mubhuku rake rinonzi Sex and Fear, akaratidza kuti munguva yekukura kweUmambo hweRoma, apo upenyu hwakagadzikana uye hwakadzikama, vanhu vakatanga kutya bonde.
Munhu anorasikirwa nechinangwa chehupenyu, anova neurotic uye anotya zvese, chero kuputika kwehupenyu
Bonde ririwo pakati pavo, saka ari kutsvaga manzwiro asina chikamu chepabonde uye tarisiro yehukama hwakazara, achiziva zvakakwana kuti kubatana kwakadaro hakugadzirise matambudziko.
Iyi ndiyo yakajairika sarudzo yeiyo neurotic, rudzi rwechisarudzo pasina sarudzo: sei kuchinja zvese pasina kushandura chero chinhu? Pane zviitiko apo mudiwa chaiwo akatsiviwa nemarobhoti kana zvirongwa zvinotumira mameseji erudo, kurumbidza uye kutamba.
Nekudaro, mupfungwa yepasirese, hukama chaihwo padivi haugadzirise matambudziko evaviri. Vanogona chete kukufadza iwe kwechinguva, sekuzorora chero kupi, varaidzo, kana kunyange girazi rewaini. Kana iyo chaiyo yekuzvivaraidza ikava rudzi rwekupindwa muropa, kushushikana, saka, hongu, izvi hazvingaunze zvakanaka kune chero mushandisi wesaiti kana vaviri vacho.