Mukati
Mukuwedzera kune mutoro kune mwana achangoberekwa, vabereki vanowana huwandu hwakakwana hwezvinotarisirwa - zveruzhinji uye zvega. Kuda uye kukura, kutungamirira mumatambudziko uye kuramba uine mwoyo murefu, kupa zvakanakisisa zvinogoneka uye kuisa nheyo yekubudirira mune ramangwana ... Tinoda mutoro uyu uye kuti tisaputsika pasi pawo here?
Gore rekutanga rehupenyu nemwana anodiwa uye akamirirwa kwenguva refu rakazove dzungu kuna Natalya ane makore makumi matatu nemashanu. Akanzwa mutoro mukuru: “Chokwadi! Pashure pezvose, ndakanga ndatova munhu mukuru uye ndakaverenga mabhuku akawanda pamusoro pehuamai hunoziva, ndaiziva zvakawanda pamusoro pekurerwa izvo vabereki vangu vakanga vasingazivi! Ndakanga ndisina kodzero yokuva amai vakaipa!
Asi kubva pazuva rekutanga zvinhu zvese zvakakanganisika. Mwanasikana wangu akachema zvikuru, uye handina kukwanisa kumuradzika nokukurumidza, ndakamutsamwira uye ndakazvitsamwira. Vamwene vakawedzera kupisa: “Wanga uchidei? Ndainge ndajaira kuzvifunga chete, zvino mava amai mokanganwa zvenyu.
Ndakarwadziwa zvisingaite. Husiku ndakafonera nhare yekubatsira ndichichema zvekuti ndakange ndisisagone, mwanasikana atova nemwedzi, uye ini handisati ndaona kusiyanisa kwekuchema kwake, izvo zvinoreva kuti ndine hukama hwakaipa naye uye iye. mhosva yangu, haizove nekuvimba kwekutanga munyika! Mangwanani, ndakadana shamwari yangu mune rimwe guta ndokuti: Ndiri amai vasina njere zvokuti mwana aizova nani zvikuru pasina ini.
Makore manomwe gare gare, Natalya anotenda kuti akakwanisa kurarama chete nekuda kwekukurukura kwevanaamai vadiki uye nerutsigiro rwechiremba wepfungwa: "Iye zvino ndinonzwisisa kuti gore rino rakaitwa gehena nekufungidzira kwangu kwakanyanya, kusiri kwechokwadi zvandinoda pandiri, izvo zvakatsigirwa ngano yokuti kuva amai mufaro chete uye mufaro.”
Ruzivo rwakawanda kusuwa kukuru
Zvingaita sekuti vanaamai vemazuva ano vakawana rusununguko rwakakwana: ivo chete ndivo vanosarudza nzira yekurera vana. Zviwanikwa zveruzivo hazviperi: mabhuku ezvedzidzo azere nezvitoro, zvinyorwa uye zvidzidzo — Internet. Asi ruzivo ruzhinji harwuunzi rugare, asi nyonganiso.
Pakati pekutarisira uye kuchengetedza zvakanyanya, mutsa uye kuwirirana, kuraira uye kuisirwa, pane kashoma muganhu unooneka uyo mubereki anofanira kugara achinzwa, asi sei? I still democratic in my demand or ndiri kuisa pressure pamwana? Nekutenga toyi iyi, ndichamugutsa here kana kuti kumukanganisa? Nokundirega ndichirega mimhanzi, ndiri kutevedzera usimbe hwake here, kana kuti kuratidza kuremekedza zvaanoda chaizvo?
Mukuedza kupa mwana wavo huduku hunofadza, vabereki vanoedza kubatanidza mazano anopikisana uye vanonzwa kuti vari kungobva pamufananidzo weamai nababa vakanaka.
Seri kwechishuvo chokuva zvakanakisisa nokuda kwomwana, zvatinoda pachedu zvinowanzovanzwa.
"Mubvunzo ndewekuti: tinoda kuna aniko? - anonyora psychoanalyst Svetlana Fedorova. - Vamwe amai vanotarisira kuratidza chimwe chinhu kune denderedzwa ravo repedyo, uye mumwe wacho anotorota kuti ave amai vakanaka kwaari uye anotamisa nyota yake yerudo, iyo yakanga ichishayikwa muhuduku, kuukama nemwana. Asi kana pasina ruzivo rwemunhu wehukama hwekuvimba naamai, uye kukanganisa kwayo kwakakura, mukutarisira kwemwana kune kushungurudzika uye kushanda - kunze, kutarisira kushingaira.
Ipapo mukadzi anoedza kuva nechokwadi chokuti mwana anodyiswa uye anochengetwa, asi anorasikirwa nokuonana naye chaiko. Mukuona kweavo vakamupoteredza, ndiamai vakanaka, asi mumwe nomumwe ane mwana anogona kuzvisunungura, uye ipapo anozvipa mhosva. Kusiyanisa kuva nemhaka nomutoro nderimwe dambudziko rinotarisana nevabereki nguva dzose.
Kuva pedyo…imarii?
Kukura uye kukura kwemwana kunoenderana zvachose naamai, maererano naMelanie Klein, uyo akamira pamavambo emwana psychoanalysis. Pfungwa iyi, yakasimbiswa nemuongorori wekunamatira John Bowlby, yakasimbiswa zvakanyanya mupfungwa dzedu zvekuti kuedza kwaDonald Winnicott kusunungura vakadzi kubva pamutoro webasa rinorema (akataura kuti amai "vakanaka" uye "vakazvitsaurira" vakakodzera. mwana) haana kusangana nekubudirira kwakawanda. Vakadzi vane mibvunzo mitsva pachavo: chii chiyero chekukwana uku? Ini ndakanaka sezvinodiwa here?
“Winnicott akataura nezvokukwanisa kwomuzvarirwo kwamai kunzwa mwana uye kugutsa zvinodikanwa zvake, uye ikoku hakudi zivo inokosha,” anotsanangura kudaro Svetlana Fedorova. "Kana mukadzi achinge asangana nemwana, anopindura zvine hungwaru kumasaini ake."
Nokudaro, mamiriro ekutanga e "kunaka" ndeyekungova nemuviri pedyo nemwana, kwete kunyangarika kwenguva yakareba, kupindura kudana kwake uye kudiwa kwekunyaradza kana kudya, uye nokudaro kumupa kufungidzira, kugadzikana uye kuchengeteka.
Chimwe chimiro kuvapo kwechitatu. “Achitaura kuti amai vanofanira kuva noupenyu hwomunhu oga, Winnicott aifunga nezveukama hwevatano pakati paamai nababa vomwana,” nyanzvi yepfungwa inopfuurira, “asi chaizvoizvo hakusi kurara nomumwe munhu kwakawanda kunokosha sokuvapo kwomumwe. maitiro ehukama, kudyidzana kana hushamwari. Mukushaikwa kwemudiwa, amai vanowana mufaro wavo wese wemuviri kubva mukukurukurirana kwemuviri nemwana: kudyisa, tete, kumbundira. Mhepo inogadzirwa umo mwana anova, sekunge, anotsiva chinhu chepabonde uye anomhanyisa njodzi yeku "kubatwa" ne libido yaamai.
Amai vakadaro vanowirirana nemwana, asi havamupi nzvimbo yekukura.
Kusvikira kumwedzi mitanhatu, mwana anoda nguva dzose kutarisirwa naamai, asi kuparadzana kunofanira kuitika zvishoma nezvishoma. Mwana anowana dzimwe nzira dzenyaradzo kunze kwezamu raamai, zvinhu zvekuchinja (nziyo, matoyi) zvinomubvumira kuti azviswededze uye azvivakire pachake psyche. Uye anoda… kukanganisa kwedu.
Kukundikana ndiyo kiyi yekubudirira
Kudzidza kushamwaridzana kwevanaamai vane vana vane mwedzi mitanhatu kusvika ku6, chiremba wepfungwa weAmerica Edward Tronick akaverenga kuti amai "vanopindirana" nemwana chete mu9% yezviitiko uye vanoverenga zvakarurama zviratidzo zvake (kuneta, kusagutsikana, nzara). Izvi zvinokurudzira mwana kuti atange nzira dzekukunda kupesana pakati pechikumbiro chake nekuita kwaamai: anoedza kuita kuti atarise, adzikame ari oga, kutsauswa.
Izvi zviitiko zvepakutanga zvinoisa hwaro hwekuzvidzora uye kugona kugadzirisa. Uyezve, kuedza kudzivirira mwana kubva pakuodzwa mwoyo uye kusafara, amai vanokanganisa kukura kwake.
"Hazvibviri kuti unzwisise pakarepo chikonzero nei mwana ari kuchema," anosimbisa Svetlana Fedorova, "asi amai vane mafungiro akanaka havagoni kumirira, vanopa sarudzo isingazivikanwi: chifuva chake kana pacifier. Uye anofunga: akadzikama, ndapedza! Haana kuzvibvumira kutsvaga dzimwe mhinduro uye somugumisiro akaisa chirongwa chakasimba pamwana: zvokudya ndiyo mhinduro kune chero dambudziko.
Izvi ndizvo zvakanyorwa naWinnicott kuti: “Panosvika nguva pazvinenge zvakakodzera kuti mwana ‘akundikane’ mukuedza kwake kujairana naye. Nekusapindura kune chero chiratidzo chemucheche, nekusaita zvese zvaanokumbira, amai vanogutsa chishuwo chake chakakosha - kukudziridza kugona kutsungirira kuodzwa mwoyo, kuwana kugadzikana uye kuzvimiririra.
Zvizive iwe
Kunyange tichiziva kuti kukanganisa kwedu kwekudzidzisa hakuzoparadzi vana, isu pachedu tinotambura navo. "Amai vangu pavakandipopotera ndichiri mudiki nekuda kwematoyi asina kunaka kana mamakisi asina kunaka, ndakafunga kuti: zvakaipa sei, handifi ndakazvibata nemwana wangu muhupenyu hwangu," Oksana, makumi matatu nemana, anobvuma. "Asi ini handisi kure naamai vangu: vana havawirirane, vanorwa, mumwe nemumwe anoda zvake, ini ndinotsemuka uye ndinogara ndichipunzika."
Zvichida iyi ndiyo yakaoma zvikuru kuvabereki - kurarama nemanzwiro akasimba, kutsamwa, kutya, kuzvidya mwoyo.
"Asi zvakafanira kuita kuedza kwakadaro," anodaro Svetlana Fedorova, "kana, zvichida, kuziva kutsamwa kwedu uye kutya sekwedu, uye kwete kubva kunze, uye kunzwisisa izvo zvakabatana nazvo."
Kukwanisa kuzviisa mupfungwa ndiyo unyanzvi hukuru, hutori hunosarudza nzvimbo yemunhu mukuru uye kukwanisa kugadzirisa kusawirirana, anodaro existential psychologist Svetlana Krivtsova: edza kubata pfungwa yemukati yemashoko ake, zviito uye zvaanoda. Uye ipapo chokwadi chakasiyana nemamiriro ezvinhu aya chinogona kuberekwa pakati pemwana nemunhu mukuru.
Kutaura chokwadi iwe pachako, kufarira vana, uye kuedza kuvanzwisisa-pasina vimbiso yekubudirira-ndicho chinoita kuti hukama huve hupenyu uye hubereki hwedu ruzivo rwekukura kwemunhu, kwete kungoshamwaridzana kwevanhu.
Kupfuura chinhambwe - kupfuura
Mwana anokura, uye vabereki vane zvikonzero zvakawanda zvekusava nechokwadi kugona kwavo. "Handigoni kumumanikidza kuti adzidze panguva yezororo," "imba yose yakazara nemitambo yekudzidzisa, uye anogara mumagetsi," "anokwanisa kwazvo, akapenya mumagiredhi ekutanga, uye zvino akasiya zvidzidzo zvake, asi handina kusimbirira, ndakapotsa nguva yacho” .
Kudyara rudo rwekuverenga/mimhanzi/mitambo, enda kukoreji uye unowana hunyanzvi hunoyemurika… Isu tisingazivi, tinofungidzira zvisingadzivisiki nezveramangwana revana uye tinozvimisira zvinangwa zvepamusoro zvedu (uye kwavari). Uye isu tinozvishora isu (uye ivo) kana zvese zvikasaita sezvataida.
“Chishuvo chevabereki chokukudziridza mano omwana, kumupa ramangwana riri nani, kudzidzisa chinhu chiri chose icho ivo vamene vanogona kuita, pamwe chete netariro yokuona miuyo yakafanira yenhamburiko dzavo, ndezvemuzvarirwo chose chose, asi … anotsinhira mumwe chiremba wepfungwa dzemhuri Dina Magnat. - Nokuti mwana ane maitiro ega uye zvaanoda, uye zvaanofarira zvinogona kusiyana zvakanyanya kubva kune zvevabereki vake.
Uye mabasa ari kudiwa munguva yedu mune ramangwana anogona kupera, uye achawana mufaro kwete uko vabereki vake vanofunga
Naizvozvo, ndingadaidza amai vakakwana vanongogadzirira mwana hupenyu hwakazvimirira. Zvinoda kukwanisa kuvaka ukama hwepedyo hune utano uye kuita zvisarudzo, kuwana mari uye kuva nehanya nevana vako.”
Chii chinobetsera mwana, uye ipapo wechiduku, kudzidza zvose izvozvi? Chiitiko chekuvimba hukama nevabereki, zvinoenderana nezera, pamatanho ese ekukura. Pavanopa rusununguko maererano nesimba ravo nerutsigiro maererano nezvinodiwa; pavanoona, kunzwa uye kunzwisisa. Izvi ndizvo zvakaita mubereki akanaka. Mamwe ese ndeaya, uye anogona kunge akasiyana zvakanyanya.