Mukati
Vakaroorana nekuda kwerudo, vakaita mwana uye vakagara nemufaro. Mamiriro ezvinhu aya anoita seari kupera. Chizvarwa chevabereki vatsva chinosarudza mafomu ekudyidzana uko vana vanoonekwa kwete sechinobva murudo, asi sechinangwa chechinangwa. Ndedzipi tarisiro dzekugadzwa kwemhuri munguva pfupi iri kutevera?
Vakasangana, vakadanana, vakaroorana, vakabereka vana, vakavarera, vakavarega vachipinda munyika yevanhu vakuru, vakamirira vazukuru, vakapemberera muchato wendarama… kubva pachigadziko chayo. Nhasi, zvisinei, kurambana kwave kunozivikanwa navose uye hakusati kuchinyandurwa sezvakaita makore makumi maviri apfuura.
“Ini naamai vevana vangu takaparadzana somurume nomudzimai, asi tichiri kuvatarisira zvakaenzana uye tiri shamwari dzakanaka, nepo munhu wose ane ukama hwake oga,” anodaro Vladimir ane makore 35 okukura. "Vana vane mhuri yakakura nedzimba mbiri." Ukama hwakadaro hwevabereki vakaparadzana hwava hunenge hwakajairika.
Asi hezvino izvo Russia haisati yajaira, iyi chibvumirano chevabereki. MuEurope yanhasi, iyi modhi yehukama iri kuramba ichiwedzera, nepo munyika yedu ichangotanga kuyedza. Unosiyana papi nemubatanidzwa wechivanhu uye unoyevedza sei?
Muchato weushamwari uye nyore
Pane zvakawanda zvingasarudzwa zvechibvumirano chakadaro. Semuenzaniso, vaviri vanogadzira hukama kwete sevakaroorana, asi sevabereki - chete kuitira kubereka, kurera uye kurera mwana. Kureva kuti, hapana rudo uye hapana bonde. Kungoti vese vanoda kuita vana uye vanobvumirana pachirongwa che “Mwana”, kuverenga mabhajeti, kuchengeta imba.
Izvi ndizvo zvakaitwa naGennady ane makore 32 nomusikana wake: “Takazivana kubva kuchikoro, hatina kumbobvira tadanana, tiri shamwari huru. Vese vari vaviri vanoda chaizvo vana. Ndinofunga tichava amai nababa vakuru. Ndinoziva vabereki vake, iye wangu. Naizvozvo, isu hatitarisiri zvisingafadzi zvinoshamisa maererano nenhaka, mavara kana maitiro akaipa. Hazvina kukwana here? Iye zvino tava kuenderera mberi nekushanda kweprojekti yedu. Vese vari vaviri vari kuongororwa uye kugadzirira kubata pamuviri nerubatsiro rweIVF. "
Kana kuti zvingava seizvi: vaigara uye vakaita sevakaroorana, vaidanana, uye chimwe chinhu chakachinja, uye mwana atovapo uye vabereki vose vanomuda. Ikoku hakuna kudaro apo varoorani vanogara pamwe chete “nokuda kwomwanasikana kana kuti mwanakomana” nemhaka yemhaka pamberi pavo, vachitambudza mumwe nomumwe nezvinonyadzisa noruvengo, uye kumirira makore 18 kuti pakupedzisira vatize. Uye ivo vanongofunga zvine musoro kuti vave pamwe chete pasi pedenga rimwechete sevabereki, asi kutungamira hupenyu hwavo pachavo zvakasiyana. Uye hapana zvirevo kune mumwe nemumwe.
Ichi chisarudzo chakaitwa naAlena ane makore 29 naEduard ane makore 30, vakaroora makore 7 apfuura nokuda kworudo. Iye zvino mwanasikana wavo ane makore mana. Vakasarudza kuti kushaya rudo hakusi chikonzero chekupararira uye kupararira kubva kune imwe imba.
“Takagovera mabasa epamba, takaita rudungwe rwokuchenesa, kutenga girosari, kuita majana okutarisira mwanasikana wedu nemibato yake. Ini naEdik tiri kushanda,” anotsanangura kudaro Alena. - Isu tiri vanhu vakanaka, asi hatisisiri vadi, kunyangwe isu tichigara mufurati imwe chete. Takabvumirana nazvo nekuti mwanasikana ane kodzero yeimba imwe chete uye vabereki vese vari pedyo. Zvakakodzera kwaari uye kune mumwe nemumwe.
“Ndinofara kuti zai rangu rakabatsira shamwari dzangu kuti dzifare”
Asi vaviri vemakore makumi matatu nematatu Andrei uye Katerina ane makore makumi matatu nemashanu ekuzvarwa havana kukwanisa kubata mwana kwemakore anopfuura gumi, kunyangwe paine mikana yese yehunyanzvi hutsva. Shamwari yaKaterina yakazvipira kubereka mwana waAndrey.
“Handina mukana wokumurera ini,” anodaro Maria ane makore 33 okukura. - Zvichida, Mwari haana kundipa chimwe chinhu maererano nemafungiro ehuamai, zvimwe zvikamu zvemweya zvinokosha. Uye kune vanhu vanongofunga nezvazvo. Ndinofara kuti zai rangu rakabatsira shamwari dzangu kuti dzifare. Ndinogona kuona kukura kwemwanakomana wangu, kutora chikamu muhupenyu hwake, asi ivo ndivo vabereki vakanakisisa kwaari.
Pakutanga, hukama hwemhuri hutsva hunogona kutyisa: kusiyana kwavo kubva kune chaionekwa semuenzaniso kare kwakakura zvikuru! Asi vane zvazvakanakira.
"Zvinosuruvarisa" mapikicha
Hukama hutsva pakati pevadiwa hunoreva kuvimbika. Vakuru "pamhenderekedzo yegungwa" vanobvumirana nechisarudzo chakanaka chekuva amai nababa uye kugovera mabasa. Havatarisiri rudo nekuvimbika kubva kune mumwe nemumwe, havana zvikumbiro zvisina kufanira.
“Kwandiri zvinoratidzika kuti izvi zvinobvisa kutema kukuru kwemusoro kuvabereki uye zvinotepfenyura kumwana: “Hatitambe chero mutambo upi zvawo, hatizvivharidzi semurume nomudzimai vanodanana. Isu tiri vabereki vako,” anodaro Amir Tagiyev, mudzidzisi webhizimisi, nyanzvi mukushanda nevana nevachiri kuyaruka. “Panguva imwe cheteyo, vabereki vanogona kufara zvikuru.”
Uye mwana munyaya iyi anoona kumativi ake achifara sepamusoro uye akadzikama - zvishoma - vanhu vakuru.
Muchikamu chekare chemhuri, zvaifungidzirwa kuti hupenyu pamwe chete hunogoneka pasina rudo.
Mamiriro acho akanyanya kuomarara mumhuri dzechinyakare: ipapo, maererano naAmir Tagiyev, kazhinji "nhema dzinobudirira mumaruva anoshamisa", hukama hwakazara nekutengesa, kutuka, zvirevo. Murume nomukadzi vangadai vakarambana kare kare, asi "vakabatwa" nemwana. Somugumisiro, hasha dzose dzevabereki kune mumwe nemumwe dzinodurura paari.
“Mukurukurirano dzangu nevachiri kuyaruka, nyaya yemaarubhamu emifananidzo inowanzobuda,” anotsanangura kudaro Amir Tagiyev. - Pano mumufananidzo vanofara baba vechidiki naamai, uye pano havasi kufara apo mwana akaonekwa. Vane zviso zvinonetsekana. Iwe neni tinonzwisisa kuti vakura, vane zvinovanetsa. Asi mwana haana kunzwisisa uku. Anoona kuti zvakanga zvaita sei uye kuti zvakazova sei. Uye anogumisa kuti: “Ndakavashatisa chinhu chiri chose nechitarisiko changu. Nekuda kwangu vanogara vachitukana.” Ini ndinoshamisika kuti rudzii rwezviso zvatichaona mumafoto maalbum e "contractual" mhuri ...
Shanduko yemitengo
Muchikamu chekare chemhuri, zvaifungidzirwa kuti kugara pamwe chete kunogoneka pasina rudo, anodaro Alexander Wenger, chiremba wepfungwa dzevana uye nyanzvi mune zvekiriniki yekuvandudza psychology.
Kufunga nezvebasa, tsika, kudzikama kwakaita basa rakakura zvikuru: “Rutivi rwepfungwa rwehukama rwakapihwa kukosha kushoma pane nhasi. Kare, kukosha kwekutungamira munzanga, iyo yainyatsofungidzirwa pamuenzaniso wemhuri, yaive yekuunganidza. Nheyo yacho yakashanda: vanhu vane cogs. Hatina basa nemanzwiro. Conformism yakakurudzirwa - kuchinja kwemaitiro pasi pesimba rekumanikidzwa kwevanhu. Iye zvino basa, rusununguko mukuita zvisarudzo nezviito, munhu mumwe nomumwe anokurudzirwa. Makore 30 apfuura, isu vanhu vokuRussia takaona kuchinja kukuru kwenzanga, apo tsika yekare yakafa chaizvoizvo, uye itsva ichiri kuvakwa.”
Uye mune iyi modhi itsva iri kuvakwa, zvinofarirwa nemunhu zvinouya pamberi. Rudo rwakava rwakakosha muhukama, uye kana risipo, saka zvinoita sekunge pasina chikonzero chekuve pamwe chete. Kare, kana murume nomudzimai vakasadanana, zvainzi ndezvomuzvarirwo: rudo runopfuura, asi mhuri inoramba iripo. Asi pamwe chete nehutsika hutsva, kusagadzikana kwakauya muhupenyu hwedu, uye nyika yakave atomized, nyanzvi yepfungwa inotenda. Tsika yoku“paradzana kuva maatomu” inopindawo mumhuri. Inotarisa zvishoma uye zvishoma pa "isu" uye zvakanyanya uye zvakanyanya pa "Ini".
Zvikamu zvitatu zvemhuri ine hutano
Pasinei nechimiro chemhuri, zvinhu zvitatu zvinodiwa paukama hune utano hwemubereki nemwana, anodaro chiremba wepfungwa dzevana Alexander Wenger, nyanzvi yezvepfungwa dzekiriniki.
1. Bata mwana zvine ruremekedzo, pasinei nezera rake uye murume kana mukadzi. Sei tichikurukurirana zvakasiyana: nevakuru vakaenzana, uye kubva kumusoro kusvika pasi nevana? Kunyange kana mwana achangoberekwa, zvakakodzera kumubata semunhu, pachiyero chakaenzana.
2. Kurukurai nemwana zviri mumwoyo. Chokutanga pane zvose, zvine chokuita nemanzwiro akanaka. Kana mubereki achifara, zvakakodzera kugoverana. Kana kutsamwa, kugumbuka, zvino izvi zvinogona uye zvinofanira kugoverwa nemwana, asi zvakanyatsonaka. Vabereki vanowanzotya kumbundira zvakare, kuva nemutsa, kwete kuomesera, vanotya kukanganisa mwana kana vakamumbundira zvakanyanya. Kwete, havaite izvi, asi kana vazadzisa chero zvinodiwa. Uye unyoro nerudo hazvigone kushatiswa.
3. Yeuka kuti mwana haasi kungogadzirira ramangwana, asi anogara munguva ino. Iye zvino ane zvido zvevana mukuwedzera kune izvo zvakataurirwa kune ramangwana. Saka kuti zvirege kuitika kuti mwana anodzidza chimwe chinhu kubva mangwanani kusvika manheru, kuti aende kukoreji gare gare. Chikoro handicho chega chehupenyu hwake. Iyo postulate "ngave isingafadze, asi inobatsira uye inobatsira gare gare" haishande. Uye zvakatonyanya zvakadaro, panzvimbo yekutamba nekuvaraidza, haufanirwe kumumanikidza kutora makirasi ekutenderera kwechikoro pazera rekutanga. Anofanira kunzwa akasununguka iye zvino, nokuti izvi ndizvo zvichakanganisa ramangwana rake: huduku hwakagadzikana hunowedzera kusimba kushushikana muhukuru.
Vakavhiringika vakuru
Mugadziriro itsva yegadziriro yenyika, “Ini” wevana vedu zvishoma nezvishoma akatanga kuzviratidza amene zvakajeka zvikuru, izvo zvinotapura ukama hwavo navabereki vavo. Saka, vechidiki vemazuva ano vanotaura kusununguka kukuru kubva ku "madzitateguru" avo. “Ivo, semutemo, vari nani kupfuura vanababa navanaamai munyika inooneka,” anotsanangura kudaro Alexander Wenger. “Asi kuvimba kwavo kwezuva nezuva nevanhu vakuru kuri kungowedzera, izvo zvinotowedzera kurwisana kwevachiri kuyaruka. Uye nzira dzekare dzekugadzirisa kusawirirana dzinova dzisingagamuchirwi. Kana zvizvarwa zvakapfuura zvichigara zvichirova vana, iye zvino zvakarega kuva tsika uye yava nzira isingagamuchirwi munzanga yedzidzo. Uye zvino, ndinofunga, pachava nezvirango zvishoma uye zvishoma.
Mhedzisiro yekuchinja nekukurumidza ndiko kuvhiringidzika kwevabereki, nyanzvi yezvepfungwa inotenda. Kare, iyo modhi yakasimudzwa chizvarwa nechizvarwa yaingodzokororwa muchikamu chinotevera chehurongwa hwemhuri. Asi vabereki vemazuva ano havanzwisisi: kana mwanakomana wacho akarwa, tinofanira kumutsiura nokuda kwekurova kana kumurumbidza kuti akunda here? Nzira yekupindura sei, nzira yekugadzirira vana zvakanaka kune ramangwana, apo panguva ino maitiro ekare anobva apera? Kusanganisira pfungwa yekuda kwekutaurirana kwepedyo pakati penhengo dzemhuri.
Nhasi, muEurope uye muRussia, pane maitiro ekudzikisa zvakabatanidzwa.
“Munhu anofamba zviri nyore muchadenga, haabatiri paimba, guta, nyika,” anodaro Amir Tagiyev. -Muzivikanwi wangu wekuGermany ainyatsoshamisika kuti sei kutenga imba: "Ko kana iwe uchida kutama? Unogona kuroja!” Kusada kubatanidzwa kune imwe nzvimbo kunoenderera kune zvimwe zvakabatanidzwa. Izvi zvinoshanda kune vanobatana, uye zvinonaka, uye maitiro. Mumhuri umo musina kunamatwa kwechidakadaka, mwana achava norusununguko rwakawanda, kunzwa kwakajeka kwake amene somunhu uye maruramiro okutaura zvaanofunga, kurarama sezvaanoda. Vana vakadaro vanozonyanya kuzvivimba.
Remekedza Zvidzidzo
Kuzvivimba mumwana, maererano naAmir Tagiyev, kunoonekwa paanonzwisisa: "Nyika ino inondida, uye nyika inondida", paanokura mumhuri yaanonyatsoziva izvo vabereki vake vanoda, uye vanomuda. . Kuti, paakauya munyika ino, akawedzera mufaro wevamwe vanhu. Uye kwete zvinopesana.
"Mamiriro matsva ehukama akavakirwa pachibvumirano chakavhurika, uye, netariro, mavari vese vatori vechikamu vachave nekuremekedzana kwakakwana. Handioni chero njodzi kuvana. Iwe unogona kutarisira kuti kana vanhu vachigara pamwe chete nekuda kwemwana, saka ivo vachamutarisira zvakakomba zvakakwana, nokuti ichi ndicho chinangwa chavo chikuru, "anosimbisa Alexander Wenger.
"Hukama huri pakati pababa naamai mumhuri yerudzi rwechibvumirano hahusi hwekuzviisa pasi (murume ndiye musoro wemhuri, kana zvakasiyana), asi nezvekudyidzana - kutendeseka, kuvhurika, kutaurwa kune diki diki: kubva nenguva mwana kumupiro wemari wemumwe nomumwe,” anodaro Amir Tagiyev. - Pano kukosha kwakasiyana - kodzero dzakaenzana uye zvisungo uye kuremekedzana. Kumwana, ichi ndicho chokwadi chaanozokurira. Ichi ndicho chinopesana chemuenzaniso uripo iye zvino, kana mubereki achiziva zviri nani kuti mwanakomana kana mwanasikana anogara sei, kuti ave shamwari naye, chii chaunofanira kuita, chii chaunorota pamusoro uye kupi chekuita mushure mechikoro. Apo mudzidzisi anoziva zviri nani zvokuverenga, zvokudzidza uye zvokunzwa panguva imwe chete.
Mhuri munyika inoshanduka ichawana nzvimbo yezvose mwana uye rudo
Tinofanira kutarisira kuti ramangwana nderekondirakiti yekurera vana here? Asi, i "kurwadziwa kuri kukura", nhanho yekuchinja, murairidzi webhizinesi ane chokwadi. Iyo pendulum yakazununguka kubva pachinzvimbo "Vana chibereko cherudo" kuenda ku "Nokuda kwemwana, ndakagadzirira hukama husina manzwiro kune mumwe."
"Iyi modhi haisi yekupedzisira, asi ichazunguza nzanga uye inotimanikidza kufunga zvakare hukama hwemhuri. Uye isu tinozvibvunza mibvunzo: tinoziva sei kutaurirana? Takagadzirira kuteerera mumwe nomumwe here? Tinokwanisa here kuremekedza mwana kubva paucheche? Amir Tagiyev anopedzisa.
Zvichida, pamhuri dzakadaro, nzanga ichakwanisa kudzidza, kufanana nesimulator, kukwanisa kuvaka hukama nenzira yakasiyana. Uye mhuri munyika inochinja ichawana nzvimbo yezvose zviri zviviri mwana uye rudo.
Ko zvaita sei neSunday baba?
Nhasi kune vana vakawanda avo, mushure mekurambana kwevabereki vavo, vane mhuri mbiri - yababa uye yaamai. Izviwo zvave chimiro chitsva cheubereki. Vanhu vakuru vangavaka sei hukama kuitira kuti mwana agadzikane? Anopa zano nyanzvi yepfungwa dzevana Alexander Wenger.
Zvakakosha kuti mwana arambe achisangana nevabereki vose. Zvikasadaro, unozviisa mungozi rimwe zuva, apo mwanakomana kana kuti mwanasikana wako anokura, kugamuchira pomero yokuti wakamutsa baba vake kana kuti amai vake ndokumunyima mubereki wechipiri, uye kuti haachadi kukurukura newe.
Izvo zvisina kunaka kuvana imhando yemhuri ye "Svondo Baba". Zvinoitika kuti hupenyu hwezuva nezuva, huzere nekumuka kwekutanga mukireshi uye chikoro, kutarisa homuweki, zvinodiwa nehurumende uye zvimwe zvisingafadzi nguva dzose, mwana anopedza naamai vake, uye baba izororo, zvipo, varaidzo. Zviri nani kugovera mabasa zvakaenzana kuitira kuti vabereki vose vawane "tsvimbo" uye "karoti". Asi kana baba vasina mukana wekuchengeta mwana mukati mevhiki, iwe unofanirwa kuisa parutivi kupera kwevhiki apo amai vachafara nemwana.
Vabereki havafaniri kutaura zvakaipa pamusoro pomumwe nomumwe, pasinei zvapo nokuti vangava vakagumburwa uye vakashatirwa sei. Kana mumwe wevaviri vacho achiri kutaura zvakaipa nezvomumwe, unofanira kutsanangurira mwana kuti: “Baba (kana kuti amai) vagumburwa neni. Ngatimuitirei tsitsi. Kana kuti “Akabva uye anonzwa aine mhosva. Uye anoda kuratidza kumunhu wese uye pachake kuti haasi iye ane mhosva, asi ini. Ndosaka achitaura nezvangu kudaro. Mukati mezuva rinopisa, haatongogoni kubata manzwiro ake.” Uyo anotaura zvakaipa nezvemumwe mubereki anokuvadza mwana wake: shure kwezvose, haaoni mazwi chete, asiwo manzwiro, uye ruvengo zvinomukuvadza.